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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why is there so many single women in their 30's/early 40's

144 replies

Freshprincess12 · 01/12/2020 15:27

Me and a friend were discussing this before.
There seems to be so many, mainly childless women in their late 30s/early 40s. Just wondering why this could be.
Im asking because my friend's dh has left her for a woman he met at work late 30s, single, very good career. Last year my DH had an EA with a work colleague who was a single, childless woman in her early 40s.
A few years before that when he split he also had a fling with a childless woman in her late 30s
Could this be the reason why men have so mamy affairs? Because there are ready available single women who can give them more time and attention than their dp/dws. Its so sad but Im always wondering why women seem to be single at that age mark, as from what I know they usually end up with married men - probably more attention shown and fear of it being too late to try for a baby/start a family.
I wish these women could be warned that having a married man is a recipe for a disaster and it wont give them a stable relationship theyre hoping for.

OP posts:
sammylady37 · 01/12/2020 17:07

Because getting married isn’t seen as something to strive for by every woman. Different women want different things from life shocker.

Henio · 01/12/2020 17:08

They're not hostile because they all have affairs, its because what you have said so far is ridiculous, makes zero sense and is quite frankly offensive.

Tinacollada · 01/12/2020 17:09

What a ridiculous question.

Presumably if your mate got left for a female in her early 20s with kids, you'd be asking why there were so many of them about too ....

TheFormerPorpentinaScamander · 01/12/2020 17:11

I'm 36 and single, although not childless.

Im single because no one wants me I won't settle for someone who is less than I deserve. I certainly wouldn't settle for someone who has "flings" and emotional affairs.

Wobblysausage · 01/12/2020 17:12

Another thing to blame women for... married men’s infidelity. Can’t possibly be the man’s fault can it!

I’m 31 and single and I’ve got no interest in luring some woman’s poor, easily led husband into bed. I’m single because of reasons that aren’t any of your business.

Perhaps it’s you and your friend who are settling for less by being married to lying, cheating bastards?

DailyFailstinks · 01/12/2020 17:14

Wow - so single women in their late 30s are all desperate and out to steal somebody’s husband? OK 🙄

RantyAnty · 01/12/2020 17:14

Probably because the quality of so many men out there is crap and women can't be bothered with the burden of being with one.

You and your friend married crap men and for whatever reasons, choose to stay with them.

TheSpottedZebra · 01/12/2020 17:18

I always roll my eyes when people demand a like button for MN but I've changed my mind now.
I want one specifically for Bunkbedpeople 's post. In fact I'd sit around all day, just liking it with my new button as I like it so much.

Gwenhwyfar · 01/12/2020 17:19

"So there are single men same as there are single women."

Yes, but more men are gay than women are lesbians according to the stats I've seen (could be that some of the women will come out later of course). And many, many more men in prison.
Also, some places have an imbalance. Big cities often have more women than men, for example, so a single woman can easily be in a situation where there are not enough single men for her.

I remember a story a few years ago about women in NZ and Australia having to 'share' men because so many of them were working abroad or travelling. They weren't talking about polygamy just that a woman would have a short relationship with a man and then he'd move on to someone else and she'd be single for a while, etc.

So it's not 50-50 wherever you are.

Aerial2020 · 01/12/2020 17:24

Oh dear Hmm
So many things with such a generalised post.....where to start.......

boabab · 01/12/2020 17:24

There are a lot of single childless men. You have come to a false conclusion by using a small unrepresentative data sample from within a narrow personal pool.

Aerial2020 · 01/12/2020 17:27

@Freshprincess12

There seems to be a lot of hostility here. Which makes me think that there is women that have bee the ow and see this as an offensive post.
Get a life. I don't usually say that but people can be rolling their eyes ar your initial post without being a OW. Another huge generalisation.
CayrolBaaaskin · 01/12/2020 18:46

@Gwenhwyfar - that’s interesting.

Tiny2018 · 01/12/2020 18:57

Are you for real??
because there are ready, available single women

Come on ladies, form an orderly queue for the OP and her friends amazing fucking husbands.

No, OP, most of those single women in their 30s/40s have simply decided that we are worth more and are no longer willing to put up with cheating nobheads (ie, your husband), abusive twats and any other half arsed shit out there.

It is more likely that your delightful husband forgot to notify his single lady friend that he wasn't single, than the idea that single women are so desperate for attention that they'd gladly swipe your Prince Charming from under your nose.

Nohomemadecandles · 01/12/2020 19:03

Have you been reading a lot of American Women's Fiction, OP? Hmm

Sitting with your girlfriends discussing your men folk and the harlots downtown.

JurassicParkAha · 01/12/2020 19:06

@Bunkbedpeople Ahahahaha, this has won the internet for me today.

OP, seriously. You must realise even if there weren't any single women in their 30s/40s - your DH, and your friend's DH, would have it off with married women..? Or women in their 20s. The problem isn't with the women they're cheating on you with, it's with them being immoral arseholes, and also with them just not being happy with you.

hotchocolatey · 01/12/2020 19:16

I think it's because some women in their 30s and 40s find it hard to meet men their age who want to commit.

They have stayed single because they haven't found the right one. A lot of single women are self sufficient and can earn their own money so they don't need to settle with someone who can support them. That's my story anyway Smile

I'm not condoning single women going after men with partners.

stampsurprise · 01/12/2020 19:19

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.smh.com.au/lifestyle/why-women-lose-the-dating-game-20120421-1xdn0.html

Why women lose the dating game

MidnightColours · 01/12/2020 19:22

There is an assumption here that married men are attractive/irresistible to single women.
Chris Rock said something great (in Tambourine, I think), along the lines of:
Some of you guys have been married for so long, you don't realise how ugly you are!!

OP: not all single women want your frog of a husband, sorry to disappoint...

FlyingByTheSeatof · 01/12/2020 19:22

Because the world has changed.

MiniTheMinx · 01/12/2020 19:28

I can understand why there are so many lovely, attractive, independent women who are single. There must be an equal number of single men, but these are probably not such a catch.

There are very few attractive men. Most that are even halfway attractive are probably married. So I can see why OP may have reached her conclusions.

However those fussy women with standards who wouldn't settle for just any old man, and certainly not the dregs are not likely to settle for one that is a liar, a cheat and no better than the dregs. I suspect there are just as many single men who have been dumped for cheating and being poor partners, and why would any self respecting woman want to take that on. From talking to friends its my understanding that there are lots of desperate sad men in their 40s and 50s who having fucked up their marriages with affairs are now on their own, can't even get a date let alone a shag and most definitely not a relationship.

Crazyfrog999 · 01/12/2020 19:30

Love this!! Funny because it’s so true!

Grin

*There is an assumption here that married men are attractive/irresistible to single women.
Chris Rock said something great (in Tambourine, I think), along the lines of:
Some of you guys have been married for so long, you don't realise how ugly you are!!

OP: not all single women want your frog of a husband, sorry to disappoint...*

Lilybet1980 · 01/12/2020 19:31

@Freshprincess12

There seems to be a lot of hostility here. Which makes me think that there is women that have bee the ow and see this as an offensive post.
Hahaha! Too funny OP.

People are hostile because you have been hugely insulting to single women by implying that they all end up marriage wreckers.

Many women are single in their late 30’s/40’s because they won’t settle for the dickheads they met earlier on in life (unlike all you unhappily married women dealing with adulterous husbands). Or perhaps, shock horror, because they haven’t met the right person and are actually pretty happy being single.

You have some serious hang ups. Have you tried therapy for your issues?

ChloeCrocodile · 01/12/2020 19:32

Could this be the reason why men have so mamy affairs?

The reason some men have affairs is because they are unfaithful twats.

MoonPomme · 01/12/2020 19:35

Im mid 30s, single. Not childless.
Ive never been the ow nor would I ever even entertain the idea.
Im single because I like my life and my standards are a lot higher than they were when I was younger.
I rarely meet a man that I find attractive and interesting.

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