@aSofaNearYou
I do want one but I think afternoon past events I’ve not allowed myself to believe it’s definitely going to happen for me. In my 20s it’s all I wanted and I experienced a lot of disappointment which is maybe why I’m coming across as passive.
This stood out to me OP. This might sound a bit blunt but I believe that older men with grown up children who have no interest in starting a conventional family with a new partner often, unwittingly or not, take advantage of women who are too vulnerable emotionally to know and stand up for what they want. That breeds a risk that down the line they will realise they actually did want those things, but have wasted a lot of time.
It must be difficult to find a partner who doesn't have kids of their own, doesn't want them, but is fine with the fact that you have them, and I think it's only the above that led you to settle for him.
I would be honest with yourself that by the sounds of things, you do want to try for kids, and have the conversation with him before you waste any more of your time.
I think that' assuming the OP's boyfriend took advantage of her vulnerability is probably an overly-negative interpretation of what facts we have from the OP. He was, as he of course should have been, upfront about having had a vasectomy when they first started dating, and it's not too much of a stretch to think that he took as evidence the fact that the OP continued to see him once she knew about the vasectomy, became serious about him and then moved in with him, for her being OK with not having children. A significant number of women don't.
You could flip the situation and suggest the OP has potentially been unfair to her boyfriend in entering freely into a relationship with someone who has made it clear in the most total way that he does not want more children, and then changing her mind (if in fact she has changed her mind). I don't actually think that's true or fair, but no one can say that the OP's boyfriend hasn't been upfront and clear about his position on children from the beginning. He hasn't strung her along, and I don't see that he's 'burying his head in the sand' at all. He has acted to make sure he won't have more children, and he's presumably happy with the status quo. It's for the OP, if she isn't happy, to change the terms.
And I can't help finding the way the OP expresses herself on here significant -- rather than saying 'I knew that he had a vasectomy and that I wanted children, but I still moved in with him' or 'I wasn't bothered about children but knew I might change my mind, and still moved in with him' or 'it wasn't something I'd really thought about then, but now I am', she keeps saying variations on 'I don't have children' and not 'I want/thought I might want children:
She's behaving as though her not having children is the significant issue here, when it's not -- it's whether she wants children or not. Which she sounds confused about still. And from what she's said in updates, it now sounds as if she's turning this into a love test, while still not deciding on her own behalf, whether in fact she wants children, or a child, enough to leave the relationship to potentially have them with someone else, or alone.
Honestly, OP, I'm not unsympathetic it's a difficult position to be in but I think you need to stop thinking about what other people want, or treating a vasectomy reversal as a test of commitment (which I think is insane). You really need to think very hard about whether or not you want a child. That's the fundamental here. And I think you should do that well before you start having conversations about vasectomy reversals. I think it would be very unfair to continue to be unclear about your own wishes, but to test someone else's readiness to have a surgical procedure to reverse a major life decision when you yourself aren't sure.