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Original poster

Taking a Day Off but not mentioning it

104 replies

Lettitbee · 22/11/2020 22:41

I'm a SAHP and DH works full time, usually in an office but since March from home.

When doing the shopping online this evening, he mentioned that he would pick it up in the morning. I queried this, and he said he wanted to do some baking (he has never baked in the 15 years that we've been together). This confused me, and it eventually transpired that last week, he'd decided to take Monday off work.

I asked him why he hadn't discussed this with me or even mentioned it. No response at all. He's just sitting refusing to talk to me. Is this odd? I feel like it would be usual to at least mention to your partner that you were taking a random day off, but particularly currently when he knows I'm bored and stuck at home. I wouldn't have made arrangements with a friend for tomorrow, for example, if I'd known. What do you think?

OP posts:
NeonIcedcoffee · 22/11/2020 22:45

Does he normally not communicate with you?

2020wish · 22/11/2020 22:47

Urmmm.. the not answering u is a bit suspicious imo. My partner would always mention to me if he was planning a day off. Maybe say u will cancel with said friend and do something with him and see how he reacts?

Infinitethings · 22/11/2020 22:49

So he’s taking the day off to bake at home and you would normally be at home but you’re meeting a friend?

Are you suggesting it’s dodgy or is it the lack of communication you’ve got a problem with?

Infinitethings · 22/11/2020 22:50

What is he baking and who/what for?

KerryMucklow · 22/11/2020 22:50

Could it be something to do with work, ie he's been made redundant or had his hours reduced and hasn't told you?

Trisolaris · 22/11/2020 22:50

Sounds like he wants a day to himself rather than spending more tine with you but perhaps feels unable to tell you that?

Lumene · 22/11/2020 22:51

Something odd is going on and you need to find out what.

MoiraNotRuby · 22/11/2020 22:52

I have taken the odd secret day off work just to have a day to my bloody self now and then. Its amazing. If I have a day off that the rest of my family know about, they all want to join in or at the least keep phoning me to chat. However I wouldn't do this if DH was at home wondering wtf my mysterious baking was all about Confused - that's really odd.

NC4Now · 22/11/2020 22:55

Agree with @Trisolaris - unless there’s more to this that you haven’t mentioned, I’d think he just wants a day to himself.
Why would he ask for ingredients and say he was baking when really he was planning something dodgy. He’d be caught out when there were no cakes to show for it, surely!

MissMarks · 22/11/2020 22:55

I take days off all the time and don’t tell my husband. Not because I have anything to hide- just that I have made plans that don’t involve him- including having a rest.

babymum786 · 22/11/2020 22:57

Maybe he just wants a day off?

Infinitethings · 22/11/2020 22:58

Maybe he arranged it when he knew you were going out so he could enjoy his day off to himself and maybe he’s clammed up because he doesn’t want to tell you that.

Original poster
Lettitbee · 22/11/2020 22:58

It is usual for him to not communicate well with me. He always justs clams up if I ever try to get him to discuss anything other than bland trivialities, and even more so if he knows that I am annoyed. So I guess I shouldn't be surprised but it doesn't make it any less annoying.

He's going to bake something that only he likes and that I actively dislike, which is thoughful too.

OP posts:
Heyahun · 22/11/2020 22:58

Why does he have to discuss it with you?

Original poster
Lettitbee · 22/11/2020 22:59

I did think though that we'd improved communication recently, which is why I was a bit gobsmacked at the casual passing reference to being able to pick up the shopping tomorrow. Even then he didn't directly refer to the fact that he was taking the day off, I was left to work it out.

OP posts:
Onthedunes · 22/11/2020 23:01

How bizzare

Original poster
Lettitbee · 22/11/2020 23:02

@MissMarks

I take days off all the time and don’t tell my husband. Not because I have anything to hide- just that I have made plans that don’t involve him- including having a rest.
When we're all stuck at home 99% of the time, would you still not even mention to your partner that you were going to be at home though? I'm going to be in the house most of the day, just popping out to help a friend with some voluntary work for an hour.
OP posts:
Heyahun · 22/11/2020 23:03

Like everyone at the moment has to use their annual leave for nothing in particular with the whole Covid thing!? I have 5 more days to take before end of the year - use em or lose them - I’ve booked random days off to do fuck all - didn’t get think I needed to speak to my husband about it first.

It’s not like he’s taking a day off to sneak off and meet up with someone else? He’s doing something helpful - picking up the shopping and he wants to do some banking? Can’t see the big deal at all here tbh

mayflowerapplepie · 22/11/2020 23:03

It sounds like this is the least of your problems. This does not sound like a healthy or fulfilling relationship

Original poster
Lettitbee · 22/11/2020 23:04

@Infinitethings

Maybe he arranged it when he knew you were going out so he could enjoy his day off to himself and maybe he’s clammed up because he doesn’t want to tell you that.
He decided it on Thursday, I only just made the arrangement with my friend this evening. I didn't discuss it with him first (before people ask me) as it wouldn't affect him, as he would usually be working in his home office.
OP posts:
ShallICompareTheeToASummersDay · 22/11/2020 23:05

Yeah this isn’t something I’d get worked up about. Perhaps the thought of you cancelling your plans and stay at home is why he didn’t tell you. I love a day to myself every now and then.

Pumpkintopf · 22/11/2020 23:06

This does sound weird.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 22/11/2020 23:07

Why does he have to discuss it with you first, and why were you getting angry?
I get days off every now and then and don't always mention it to dp, similarly he can get a day off and not mention it to me until it comes up in conversation later on.

Jobseeker19 · 22/11/2020 23:08

I also think he wants a day to himself. I would love to do this and just chill and not have to do extra chores or helping out just for one day.

Mrsmummy90 · 22/11/2020 23:11

I'm a SAHM as well and my husband doesn't tell me when he has days off as they're very rare and he likes to surprise me so that part isn't what I find odd, it's the fact that he's not speaking to you. That's really strange and I'd be questioning it as well.