Dealing with a narcissist? Come over here for some support.

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I just wanted to make this thread as a bit of help and support for anyone who’s dealing with a narcissist.
I’ve just come out of a covert narcissist friendship and struggle to find any support groups so leaving this here for anyone who feels they need it.

Mine is trying to take over the role of the primary carer, forcing me out of my kids lives. Telling his solicitor lies that I am behaving inconsistently . Total nut job. He is trying to destroy me.

I'm still living under the same roof a year on as he refuses to sell up so I'm having to force the sale through the legal system.

He's the one who had the affair, but blames me, won't apologise & is now punishing me for having had enough of his shit.

He's had multiple job losses, always leaving in bad terms as the mask soon slips after the 1st year or so.

Hides behind his Mr Nice Guy facade.

Urgh just makes me sick. My ex is playing the victim now and saying he's the victim of domestic abuse and I perpetrated abuse towards him.. He's playing the doting father when he repeatedly told DD she was a mistake and had mental health problems. I find it so insulting to people who genuinely have mental health issues the way he just spits it out like its nothing. It's all a facade like you say. Even when they cheat its our fault.

I am convinced there is a factory somewhere which churns out the exact same model of these fuckers.

Hi, can I join please? Nearly 10 years down the line and 2 DC. I'm not leaving but need to learn how to survive better. I've had silent treatment all day... not really sure why but I think it's because the toaster (I chose) toasted more on one side. It sounds ridiculous when written down. I'm in DDs bed tonight as I don't deserve to join him.

I'm separated from a covert narcissist - a wolf in sheep's clothing.

It completely dumbfounds me how he's turned everything around to portray himself as the victim. Apparently he's escaped an abusive relationship and is trying to convince the children the same

@TealSapphire - I am attempting to escape covert narcissist too. They are wolves in sheep's clothing.

And yes "poor me" from the nasty c*nt, Then accusing me of doing all the things he does (lies, manipulation).

Shouting & swearing at the kids behind closed doors, but Dad of the Year in public.

It's becoming increasingly obvious that the amicable co-parenting situation I'd hoped for is never going to happen, and I just want as far away from him as possible.

I am just over a year out of a 15 year marriage to a covert narcissist. 2 DCs.

15 yrs of being gaslighted, manipulated, always fo blame, never heard, emotionally controlled, nearly made me lose my sanity.

Am j

Oops! Am just starting to walk again now, or that’s how it feels.

I also thought amicable coparenting - no way. Parallel parenting and grey rock are the only things that seem to work.

It’s taking a lot longer than I thought to recover. Realistically, think it will be 2 years minimum.

What is parallel parenting?

It’s where you don’t try to work as a team in parenting - not possible with a narc - but parent separately.

www.healthline.com/health/parenting/co-parenting-with-a-narcissist#challenges

I remember being at occasions with family and friends fawning over him for being so good and patient with the kids. Then he'd scream at them the whole way home for some perceived misdemeanor.

It throws you how they turn everything back on you. I've often wondered if ex is truly delusional as he is totally convinced of his version of events. In any case it's not possible for us to understand them, other than to keep in mind that if they're talking they're lying.

I too had hoped for an ok co-parenting relationship but it's not to be. I can say however that by just keeping the course and not playing games that your kids come to realise who's genuine of their own accord. I have two teens and two primary aged and while he can fill the younger boys heads with crap the older ones have formed their own unfavourable opinions of him all by themselves.

Better link blog.melanietoniaevans.com/parallel-parenting-the-evolutionary-way-to-co-parent-with-a-narcissist/

I worry about him manipulating DD and poisoning her against me. He would definitely do that.

Hi OP I like you has this with a friendship. Never met anyone like them. looking back it was like love bombing but the red flags were there running down her best friend while telling me how brilliant I was in comparison. I naively thought this was a friendship come to an end but no actual apparent best friend. Then there seemed to some kind of jealousy going on and then the silent treatment and snide remarks. I felt very paranoid and my confidence took a bashing but now two years on I just feel relieved to be out of it all. A truly horrible and bewildering time.

Thanks for joining ladies. Good to have you on.
My experience of a covert narcissist is a female friend. You're right about the wolf in sheep's clothing. I can't believe now that I missed all the red flags. Texting a lot in the beginning, so much empathy and was so charismatic and just moved way too quickly. That was it then, I was hooked. I thought I'd met a soulmate in a friend!
After a bit though I just began to feel uneasy around her and I don't feel that way with people at all usually as I like being around people.
Then it was the victim mentality, copying things I do (which was irritating after a while), making me feel guilty, asking for favours all the time, the empathy faded completely and she just ignored me and talked at me. Mentally and emotionally draining. And then I'd notice how she'd treat complete strangers with more compassion than me. And then it was the competitiveness, I've done something, yet she's done it ten times better and got the t shirt even though it's never been mentioned before. So irritating. I could go on.

And definitely right about the jealousy thing!

Twintub how did you get through it? Did you live close to each other?
Mine is in same neighbourhood and I see her at school sometimes. It's only being I. Lockdown that I've finally realised who she is and I've cut back contact completely.
I get looks of rage every now and then at the school gates but I just say hello and carry on. Not sure what else to do?

Another thing she would do is make out like she hadn't seen me, which was so weird! And just walk away or carry on chatting to someone else. It's all so calculating.

I posted about it a few years back it’s still awkward as the kids were friends and husbands and then we were ‘in’ with her circle the much maligned best friend of hers . I think there was an element of control she controlled the group who was in who was ouT. It culminated in her having a third join the group and then things became even more horrible. Inevitably as she was then focusing all attention on new person me and best friend were getting closer and that was not to be tolerated. Honestly so much stuff I could write a book. The only thing that has helped is time and the kids Are now at high school so no seeing them at the school gates. If I see her I would say hello she will walk past if alone. Before lockdown I saw her a lot supermarket , sports club and kids football. It just eases but it took well over a year she sucked me in , messed with my head and spat me back out. Very hard to deal with. I would never trust anyone else wanting to be best best friends so quick. It was all you are great , you children are great let’s do everything together , holidays , nights out etc etc

The truth is they are insecure , they are messed up and yes I think jealous too even where there is no need.

Now having got my self esteem back and luckily my old friends bolstered me and supported me through it. Sounds very dramatic compared to people living it with a divorce and kids but at the time it is very similar. I think I would have coped better if I hadn’t had to see her al the time and the kids weren’t best mates. The kids still friends and husbands see each other occasionally and nos I’m out of favour it seems the others in the circle have no contact either. Eventually you will see this as a good thing and a relief to be rid of :-)

My (now ex) husband. Life and soul of the party, especially if there were older women around. Raconteur, and exaggerator, so all eyes would be on him. Once at a wedding he swapped tables so he could sit with some new adoring fans he had just acquired, leaving me at another table with his cousins. I was so humiliated. He would give me the silent treatment if I corrected any aspect of his story (always starring him in the hero’s role.)

I got him to leave when he found himself a full time adoring fan who remains devoted to him. I had four children under seven at the time and am still dealing with his hero antics every week. He’s ‘too busy’ to complete his papers for the divorce.

Thanks for sharing your experience. It's good to know I'm not alone. That sounds awful too. :(
I keep searching the internet for stories on narcissistic friends and there aren't many I've seen where they still have to see each other. I'm doing no contact but then I still see her and I just feel awkward.
When the kids were back at school I felt so anxious at the thought of seeing her I thought my heart would beat out of my chest!
Definitely right about the time thing. I hope that one day I can look back on it and just brush it off and not feel bothered when I see her.

I mrs good to hear you're coming out the other side now too :)

It's good I meant!

It must be the year for them, me too.
I confronted her. Big mistake, wouldn't advise that course of action, it's like pouring petrol on a fire. The smear campaign is in full force.

They're so predictable aren't they, all the same. She copied my life, from my interests and hobbies to my hair styles. Work experience, life experience, medical history (!!) She stole from my house, expected me to pay for everything (which I foolishly did), falsified illnesses to get us to feel sorry for her, lied about everything...so many lies. She has successfully twisted everything around and is projecting her own despicable behaviour on to me. If it wasn't so awful it would be impressive. How do they pull it off? Why do people believe them?

I was warned in the beginning too, I didn't listen. Have learned a very valuable lesson!