Mum used to have sex when I was in the room *MNHQ content warning*

[Opinionator]

This is really awkward, but when I was a child my mother used to have sex with her then boyfriend when I was in the room (and once when I was in the bed). I've never spoken to her about this but I do feel like I have PTSD from it, as I have intimacy issues.

I remember vividly them talking in a dirty manner to eachother, so it's not like they were trying to be discreet. I was between the ages of 6 and 8 at the times I can remember it happening.

She also used to talk to me about how sex is a good thing and it's what adults do etc.

Not really sure what my question is to be honest, I just needed to talk about it.

I’m sorry that happened to you. Not normal adult behaviour at all

That’s not right at all, did she think you were sleeping?

@Fedupmum88

That’s not right at all, did she think you were sleeping?

I have absolutely no idea to be honest. They made enough noise which makes me think they didn't know nor care if I was asleep.

@VashtaNerada

I’m sorry that happened to you. Not normal adult behaviour at all

Thank you

That's gross. I don't know how you could think it was okay around a child that age.

Why were you in their room was it a bedsit?

Well I suppose sex is a 'natural' event - but it isn't acceptable behaviour in our society.
I had flatmates having sex in my room as a student - I thought that was bad!
I would seek counselling - so you can put your feelings out in the open, and perhaps find a way forward with your mother.

That is a criminal offence and a form of abuse. I am not surprised you have PTSD.
So sorry this happened to you OP, I’m sure someone will be along to refer you somewhere appropriate (I’m not sure who) but if you never want to speak to your mum again, that would be totally understandable, and if you wanted to go to the police about it, also understandable. Do you know who the boyfriend is? He may still be out there somewhere abusing children so sorry this happened to you

I agree it isn’t acceptable in today’s western society. Why were you in the same room / bed as her?

I'm sorry OP, that is definitely considered a form of abuse

Hi all, thank you for responding. We lived in numerous houses, non of which were bed sits. I had 2 siblings, and there were times when my mum would insist that one of us had to stay with her (despite protests against it). It was all very weird.

I do know who the boyfriend is and he's now married with kids of his own, but I'm afraid to say anything.

Well that sounds all sorts of fucked up. You need to ask her why she made you listen to her have sex when you were young? I’d want to ask and see her response.

Massive safeguarding issue. This is regarded as sexual abuse. From what you describe both your Mum and her boyfriend's behaviour was unacceptable.
I am very sad for you, to have had to go through that. There is a lot for you to think about here. Are you able to talk to your siblings? Do you have children? I would be very concerned about your Mum's bounaries around children.
That said, there is specialist help for you out there, I hope you are able to access it and benefit from it. You have made the first move towards it.

I would absolutely ask her. I have so many questions from my own childhood that I feel I need to talk through with my parents for my own mental health. Her behaviour was selfish and disgusting to be honest and she owes you an apology to help your inner child :(

What's your relationship with her like now? Do you have to pretend like this never happened to have a 'normal' relationship with her?

Yes, these days that would constitute Child sex abuse because it's exposure to sexual activity, even if the child isn't involved.

I'm so sorry it has adversely affected you so much. I hope you can get some therapy for it.

This is so very wrong. It makes me wince just reading it. I actually just flinched. Poor you.

I think you need real world professional advice and not provide any more specific details on here.

It is terrible what happened to you but if you give any more specific information it will just attract perverts. This is an open Internet forum. Please protect yourself.

Start with your GP and they will refer you.

Please talk to her, and find out why she did this. Did she do the same to your siblings too?

You can self refer to your local sexual assault referral centre or Rape Crisis service.

This is definitely wrong
Have you had any profesional counselling or therapy?

What you have described is both criminal (in a strict legal sense) and abusive. As such it is perfectly understandable that it has had a profound impact on your life. I am so sorry that you have had to endure this.

What you do depends on many factors (how strong you feel, your current circumstances, relationship with your mother etc) but you could report it to the police who should take it seriously. Alternatively there are groups who can provide support and counselling to you as a victim of abuse.

My mom used to have extremely loud sex almost every night (not in the same room) and I absolutely hated it. They used to slink off for 'naps' during the day when I was small and then went to bed early every night and had porno style sex all the time.

I didn't think it had affected me in any way until I had my own child and suddenly the thought of sex made me feel sick. I didn't want to cuddle or kiss or even think about sex. It nearly broke my relationship.

I'm getting a bit better now but still dont like to have any kind of kiss when my child is awake but I'm making slow progress as I dont want my child to think that mom doesnt love dad.

Could you try counselling OP? It could be a big help for you. X

This is abuse. I'm sorry it happened to you and that you were let down by the person who is supposed to protect you.
I think talking to someone professional about what you experienced will help you.

When I posted, I presumed you were in a set up, where you mother had no time or space away from you. Your update is shocking. Your mother chose to abuse you. Was/is she sadistic or have mental health issues? Have you sought any therapy?