Mum used to have sex when I was in the room *MNHQ content warning*

[Opinionator]

This is really awkward, but when I was a child my mother used to have sex with her then boyfriend when I was in the room (and once when I was in the bed). I've never spoken to her about this but I do feel like I have PTSD from it, as I have intimacy issues.

I remember vividly them talking in a dirty manner to eachother, so it's not like they were trying to be discreet. I was between the ages of 6 and 8 at the times I can remember it happening.

She also used to talk to me about how sex is a good thing and it's what adults do etc.

Not really sure what my question is to be honest, I just needed to talk about it.

I completely understand OP. I have been through the same thing as a child

Trigger warning

I was put in the bath and left there with the door open and could see and hear my mum and him in bed having sex. I couldn’t get out the bath despite calling and had an accident in it

A few years later I caught my mum in a compromising situation with a friend upstairs in the doorway of a room. I was promised I could have whatever I wanted for dinner that night

Numerous other times hearing her or being in the same room (in a hotel or B and B for example)

I actually feel sick reading this as it’s not something I ever talk about and have never come across anyone who’s been through the same. Sorry for you x

[quote daisychain01]@Dohrehmee what possesses you and others on here giving long graphic descriptions - im really sad for you because it shows that your early experience has meant you have no boundaries and can't control what you share with others. I'm so concerned that I'm going to have to report this thread, it's fodder for vile predators.

Please seek help.[/quote]
Oh give it a rest. People are sharing their traumatic experiences so OP knows she is not alone! You can even see other people here saying 'I thought I was the only one'.
If it offends you, leave. The thread already has a trigger warning so just scroll on by instead of reading all the posts!

[quote daisychain01]@Dohrehmee what possesses you and others on here giving long graphic descriptions - im really sad for you because it shows that your early experience has meant you have no boundaries and can't control what you share with others. I'm so concerned that I'm going to have to report this thread, it's fodder for vile predators.

Please seek help.[/quote]
Also no need AT ALL for the dig in your post about boundaries. There poor women are victims and don't need to be made to feel they have boundary issues by you.

I'm really sorry that this has happened to you. I have to say that the fact that she moved you or your siblings in to bed sounds premeditated and that they gained sexual pleasure from this. I could just about understand it more if you had fallen asleep in the bed and they got carried away although to be fair even this is indefensible. I think you need to find a therapist who specialises in childhood abuse or seek support from one of the childhood abuse groups. Perhaps you need to exercise your demoms and tell her that you remember how awful it made you feel and that it has clearly impacted on you and your brother. I don't think you can expect an apology but the act of telling her, adult to adult, will give you back power. She should carry the shame. Not you.

@gingerbreadfox, I see what you mean.This post isn't sharing or supporting..it's not contributing anything really.

@gingerbreadfox it's a shame you don't agree with me, but I've said what I said because it's one thing mentioning they are disturbed by an experience, it's another thing giving all the detail. Other decent posters have also remarked that they find the detail disturbing, and wish they had never read it, because guess what, it is disturbing. Random people on here are not qualified to give specialist advice to someone they know very little about other than what they've posted. The poster needs to seek proper medical advice. Unfortunately the internet is inhabited not only by supportive people but someone who'll get off on the detail because they're sick.

And guess what, it was due to my intervention that a Trigger Warning was added to the top of the thread, because people could click on here and be sickened by what they read. Shame you don't get that.

@daisychain01 I also consider your response inappropriate. The OP is here for support and there are things people can express more easily on an anonymous forum than in real life. People share all sorts on MN. I don't think it's about not having boundaries.

Sorry my error, I agree that posts " sharing" what somebody told another person are at best useless and at worst fodder for sickos.

It is brave of the OP to tell her story and for others to say they experienced something similar. Wading in with " my friend told me..." is best left alone.

[quote daisychain01]@gingerbreadfox it's a shame you don't agree with me, but I've said what I said because it's one thing mentioning they are disturbed by an experience, it's another thing giving all the detail. Other decent posters have also remarked that they find the detail disturbing, and wish they had never read it, because guess what, it is disturbing. Random people on here are not qualified to give specialist advice to someone they know very little about other than what they've posted. The poster needs to seek proper medical advice. Unfortunately the internet is inhabited not only by supportive people but someone who'll get off on the detail because they're sick.

And guess what, it was due to my intervention that a Trigger Warning was added to the top of the thread, because people could click on here and be sickened by what they read. Shame you don't get that.[/quote]
What** you said was still rude and nasty by saying:

im really sad for you because it shows that your early experience has meant you have no boundaries and can't control what you share with others.

You have made a very damaging statement to abuse survivors which will make them feel worse about themselves. Shame on you.

@BluSpider

This would have been very common historically and still is common in many places around the world where large families all sleep in one room.

What a strange and inappropriate comment?? Are....are you trying to somehow justify this sick behaviour????? Wow

OP, I've been through the same as part of my childhood abuse. You are not alone. I found the stately homes thread really helpful.
I hope you're not put off by the unhelpful comments from a PP. I now am an open book and I get things off my chest - keeping secrets of what I've been through made me very ill.

Hello OP, and others that have shared - I had similar experiences as well with my mother.

I thought was just me. So thank you for sharing.

Please ignore the previous poster who said about boundaries etc.

Unfortunately I have nothing more useful to share but the beauty of mumsnet is the support you can get - so carry on reaching out.

It sounds as though perhaps your mum was playing twisted, abusive psychological games with you and your brother. I'm sorry you experienced that - you never should have been put it that position and her and the men behaved absolutely abhorrently.

If you feel you could it might be worth trying to discuss it further with your brother. It doesn't even have to be in person you could write him a letter.

I hope you can get healing and think you're brave for opening up about this.

Good luck.

I mean all I'm getting from this is "my mums boyfriend was a pedo and mum went along with it"

[quote daisychain01]@gingerbreadfox it's a shame you don't agree with me, but I've said what I said because it's one thing mentioning they are disturbed by an experience, it's another thing giving all the detail. Other decent posters have also remarked that they find the detail disturbing, and wish they had never read it, because guess what, it is disturbing. Random people on here are not qualified to give specialist advice to someone they know very little about other than what they've posted. The poster needs to seek proper medical advice. Unfortunately the internet is inhabited not only by supportive people but someone who'll get off on the detail because they're sick.

And guess what, it was due to my intervention that a Trigger Warning was added to the top of the thread, because people could click on here and be sickened by what they read. Shame you don't get that.[/quote]
Daisy all you and @Tittiana therefore should have said was something along the lines of “I think this thread needs a trigger warning. I’m going to report it” and left the thread. In your case you could have added (in your words) “The poster needs to seek specialist advice, people on here are not qualified.

Instead you’ve both made the thread about yourselves and made judgment on others actions as not good enough.

I forgot to say to all the brave survivors on this thread. You are being heard.

Hi op, I hope your ok.

I cannot begin to understand what you have been through or witnessed as a child and how badly and confused that must have made you feel.

I can understand coming to an anymous forum to ask for advice.

The op is already mixed up about what to do, how she should feel, where to go for help/support.

Why do we have to add to her confusion about whether or not the content is appropriate, she already probably feels a great deal of shame about all of this, which none of it, is her fault.

I'm sure if there were innapropriate people out there, there are worse things/content to view. Who knows maybe this thread could maybe make some abusers anaylse their own behaviour.

I hope someone can direct you to get the help and support you rightly deserve.

Can you afford private therapy or is this available through your employer?

Hi everyone. I'm overwhelmed with the support I've received here, you guys are amazing! I am saddened to hear there are others out there like me, as I wouldn't wish this in anybody. I really hope that you guys are doing ok.

I genuinely am sorry if I upset anyone with the content, that was never my intention. Although, i will say that some of you (@daisychain01) could learn some compassion. Your response was hurtful and inappropriate, and I think you do know that deep down.

To each and every one of you who showed me such kindness and compassion, I wanted to say thank you from the bottom of my heart

OP everything you have felt as a result of this trauma is a normal reaction. The fact you can even open up about it on here is so brave. Keep going, but please push for professional help. As other PP have said, raising abuse with your abuser risks further psychological damage.
I also hope the steps you take can signpost a path for your brother without putting any pressure on him.

This is abuse op . I’m sorry about this. Sex is of course normal but not in the same room as kids etc . Especially as they weren’t being discreet about it . Hope you can get some counselling and peace of mind .

I can't help wondering if the bf got turned on by having a child within sight when he had sex and your mother instead of refusing and protecting you just went along with it. I would cut your Mum off for what she did.

This happened to me numerous times. We did live in bedsits a lot of the time but my mum was just weird and also vulnerable to perverts.
She was super noisy in bed and also liked to talk about sex to me. As a child.
I simply can't imagine those sorts of conversations with my children, she was seriously unboundaried.
I have massive massive issues around sex and I believe that her obsession with sex and my very early exposure had a negative impact on my mental health
Obviously much more to the story, but a precis!

@Neron

OP, I've been through the same as part of my childhood abuse. You are not alone. I found the stately homes thread really helpful. I hope you're not put off by the unhelpful comments from a PP. I now am an open book and I get things off my chest - keeping secrets of what I've been through made me very ill.

Me too. Secrets literally make me depressed