Social media stalking?

[alm23x]

Hi, it's my first post here so be kind!! Lol. Also still learning all the abbreviations so go easy on me with your replies 😂

Basically I'm just wondering how much interest your partners / SO's take in your social media posts - whether this be what you share, pictures, statuses, just in general?
For example - how many likes you get, how often you post, who likes your things, who follows you etc.

Look at what SM is doing to Jesy Nelson. She took an OD because of it.

I do think he's had a few counselling sessions, because he offered for me to join on one of the phonecalls. (coincidentally it was when we had no childcare available though!) I just think he's not really told her in depth what's happened. From what I gather he's told her that he gets a bit insecure and we argue alot..lots of things I asked if he's told her and he says no he forgot or didn't think it was relevent. When I agreed to stay, i thought he would be getting help and figuring out WHY he was this way...and tips to cope with it. Sounds like he just talks to her about how things have been the week previous to the call?

Your husband is jealous, no, could not live like this. Lock your account down and block him, then sit and think of this is how you want to live.

Wow. He's AWFUL. All of that list is very bad, but the paragraph about sex is sickening. Why the hell does he think you would want to be within a mile of him, let alone have sex? What he's doing to you is very plain sexual coercion, and I hope that, even if you can't walk right out the door, you can at least refuse to ever have sexual dealings with him again. It's probably got nothing to do with you having a low sex drive, by the way. That's just his way of making you to blame for the problem. I bet your sex drive would rocket if you suddenly found yourself with a respectful, lovable man.

www.womenshealth.gov/relationships-and-safety/other-types/sexual-coercion

He doesn't think life is that bad, and definitely doesn't think his behaviour is that bad...so he genuinely can't get his head around why I wouldn't want sex. I've never really even thought about sexual coercion but some of it does sound very familiar which has shocked me a bit...I thought it was normal for men to go on about sex if they weren't getting "enough".

It's really not as simple as just walking out :( I don't live near family, I don't drive, I work 16 hours a week around his shifts and if I left I'd have to stop working, I don't even know where I'd go..I'd have to rent and I don't even know if I could afford it. I need to stick around long enough to get a proper plan in place and maybe start saving some money?

That reminds me, I had a envelope of money (£300) in my bedside cupboard, right at the back in an old handbag.. it was driving lesson money I had saved and drawn out of the bank to stop me spending it....I went out for the day with my friends and get a message asking what the money was and if i was saving to leave...I asked how he even found it because it was hidden away purposely so the kids never stumbled on it...apparently he was tidying up..I now see he was probably going through my stuff but for what reason!?

Those three little words Walking on eggshells is a huge red flag and tells me everything. Why are you still with him - he’s not normal?

I'm still here because I live 40 miles away from my family..I'm an only child so I've literally only got my mum (who knows nothing as it would break her heart!)..who I couldn't move back in with as she just doesn't have the room for me and two children. If I walk...I lose everything because we are in military housing so i have no house, I'd lose my job, I don't drive. I've 'left' him three times before and just get sucked back in because him promising to change seems easier to believe than the thought of my whole life changing! One day I know il get the strength to do it, but I just don't know how

Is the any military help available for situations such as this? You WILL eventually leave him as you have 3 times before but the next time will be for good. Stand up to him — get your driving lessons - go out with friends and if you need to call the police if things get out of hand. How dare he, who does he think he is that he can treat you like this?

This is why you need to speak to WA, who can help you process things.

Also, whatever you do do not have any joint counselling with him. Abusers like him, can use this as another way to manipulate and make you doubt yourself more.

I think there probably is help available through the military but Ive never looked into it because it means admitting and telling people that there is abuse. I can't get passed this feeling of it actually not being as bad as it seems in my head and people not 'believing' or telling me I'm being stupid...I don't know, my head's a mess

Sorry op but he sounds controlling. This doesn't sound like a healthy relationship.

Access whatever help you can to leave him
He's away now so use that time to get yourself free

I can't get passed this feeling of it actually not being as bad as it seems in my head and people not 'believing' or telling me I'm being stupid...I don't know, my head's a mess

That's exactly what abusers rely on, and play on. They make their victims question their own truth (gaslighting), so that the victim feels on shaky psychological ground.

You need to recognise that there's nothing to 'get past'. You don't have to do any work on your own psychological state. It's very simple: It feels to you like he's treating you appallingly, because he's treating you apallingly. Your head is a mess because he tries to make you believe that's not the case, and you believe him

Believe you. You know that you don't just invent unpleasant feelings for nothing, because you have good relationships with other people. So, you know that the unpleasantness comes from him. Solely him.

Think of something he did that made you feel crap, but you thought 'maybe it's just me...' And then imagine you doing that thing to someone else. Does that help you to see who's in the wrong?

This is no way to live OP, you deserve so much better. It sounds like he's not really taking the therapy seriously and has no real desire to attempt to work on his issues.

You say your mum doesn't know because she would be heartbroken, do you have a good relationship with her? Is there a possibility that she would be more heartbroken to learn that you are going through this and don't feel able to reach out to her and let her support you?

Go to your families officer, the padre or aff.org.uk/ (equivalent for your branch of the military). There is a lot of help if you can access it. I’ve been out of the loop for a few years but from memory...In the short term your ‘d’h would move into single accommodation and you stay in the military accommodation-I think for 6 months. This would continue coming out of his salary as normal. The military should also make sure you are getting maintenance from your h. In the meantime you can apply for accommodation wherever you want to live-near your mum? Also they should signpost you to claiming benefits. After 6 months the forces may start taking steps to evict you—this means that you should get priority for council accommodation. Please go and find out your options-they are very used to this and it’s their job-good luck :)

Eckhart ...You speak so much sense, I feel emotional when I read some of your responses because I've never really had the feeling of being understood before! Thank you so much.

aff.org.uk/advice/family-life/separation-and-divorce/
This is the current advice :)

Baileysandcream - me and my mum have a lovely relationship...we speak most days on facetime, she's a sensitive soul and I just know this would crush her. I did tell her last year when I left him, but told her it was because it just wasn't working, we were unhappy etc..didn't mention any specifics and she worried so much and barely slept for two weeks! When I'm truly ready to up and leave, of course il tell her everything..but until then I just cant. X

trockodile, will make that my homework for this evening when the children are in bed..thank you :) When I told him I was leaving in the summer, he refused to leave and said how dare I want to separate yet expect him to be the one that leaves. I really need to make sure I'm fully clued up before making any moves.

I've never really had the feeling of being understood before

That's what you aim at, relationship-wise. It's so far from what you have that it makes you emotional even just to feel it, for a few minutes, from a stranger on the internet.

That's how far your relationship is from where it should be. I really hope you get away from him. Rooting for you!

Thank you Eckhart, I'm really going to start thinking about how it will all work..I think it's going to have to be planned down to every last detail this time so that I don't cave in to his apologies and feel like staying is easier. Thank you so much x

Why don’t you come off social media ? Other people don’t want to see pics of other people’s kids anyway ! It’s really childish.

Thanks for your opinion :) I personally love seeing my friends and families posts about their lives, whether that be their kids, pets, daily crap, holidays etc! I post a few times a month, nothing crazy. Each to their own though x

I like seeing my friends' and familiy's pictures too, OP.

Crikey, talk about the point soaring over someone's head.

Sorry to hear this. You know he is in the wrong and you need to leave him. If you can't do it for you, do it for your dc. I know its easier said than done but have you looked in to any women's aide places?