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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Social media stalking?

952 replies

alm23x · 08/11/2020 19:03

Hi, it's my first post here so be kind!! Lol. Also still learning all the abbreviations so go easy on me with your replies 😂

Basically I'm just wondering how much interest your partners / SO's take in your social media posts - whether this be what you share, pictures, statuses, just in general?
For example - how many likes you get, how often you post, who likes your things, who follows you etc.

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alm23x · 11/11/2020 18:59

@pog100 I do get angry (although I'm quite a quiet person so I think even my anger is quite tame compared to most, lol)..and I do argue back some of the time...but it's an energy drain if I constantly react to every little thing, so I really do have to pick my battles.

Thank you for your reply, i know what I need to do..it's just finding the strength and setting myself up for it x

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alm23x · 11/11/2020 20:41

@Eckhart I know I've said it before but your replies make so much sense. I need you on speed dial for every time I need reminding of these things. & In answer to your question - Yes I'm definitely still in denial that things "aren't that bad" and I really struggle accepting that I've allowed myself to be in this position. I've become quite good at making excuses for him and bending myself to fit his moods. It's hard to undo that style of thinking in my head..

I'm off work tomorrow and both children are at nursery/school so I'm going to spend some more time looking into abuse cycle and all the other links people have sent me.

Thanks again! xx

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Eckhart · 11/11/2020 21:24

I really struggle accepting that I've allowed myself to be in this position

You don't have to accept that, though. He's manipulated the bejeesus out of you, it's not your fault. All you did was assume he was a nice bloke! It is hard to break the style of thinking, though. If you keep reading about abuse and particularly narcissistic abuse, the penny will drop at some point and you suddenly won't have any more excuses for him.

I'm glad I can help. Ultimately, if I saw my abuser again, the only thing I'd want to say is 'Thank you'. I learned so much about myself, how to assert my boundaries, how to actually have boundaries, why I didn't have boundaries in the first place (did your parents have a bad relationship, by any chance?), and that it wasn't my fault I'd been abused. Any of that I can pass on to someone going through the tough lesson I went through just makes the impact of the abuse on my life more positive.

I read and read and read about abuse. I couldn't believe that a person who seemed so beautiful could turn out to be so unfathomably cruel. What an education it was. It takes a while to get your head round.

Cakequeen1988 · 11/11/2020 23:09

@alm23x you asked what made me leave the relationship. It was many things, a few listed below

I was so so tired of justifying my every move. Was I eating dinner? what did I do before that, if I was going to eat dinner why didn’t I tell him so he knew not to text. Becuase ifni had dinner and didn’t tell him I’d come back to loads of message asking why I was ignoring him etc. I got to the point of being so totally downtrodden by this and utterly fed up of trying to have fun with others like visiting family and constantly being on my phone for fear of not updating him. Like you he also twisted it, ‘so you can’t be bothered to speak to your boyfriend’

I started reading...I started looking at all I could online including YouTube videos on coercive control, narcissistic abuse as well as Lundy Bancrofts book why does he do that? (Free pdf if you google) and he was written on every page. That made me realise what a fool I’d been and that he would never change and that I’d fell for every trap/trick in the book

I didn’t trust him anymore. He’d lied, he’d threatened me, on a few occasions he’d become physically violent. I knew i didn’t love him anymore and didn’t want too

When I’d done my reading I could see his responses were textbook too. Threats towards me that I knew deep down he wouldn’t do because of the impact on himself, threatening to kill himself, crying, poor me and my childhood, it wasn’t that he’d done wrong it was because of what I’d done that made him do it.

I could just see the parody of what we had become and I got to the point where I thought I don’t care if you do all the bad things you say, it’s better than being with you under this constant cloud, threat and living a half life on eggshells.

Life has been infinitely better ever since!

I wish you good luck and strength with your decision. Please read but please know form your last update he’s again trying to blame you for his behaviour. Be gone when he returns, as your eyes are opened you can’t close them again

SeaEagleFeather · 12/11/2020 07:29

I'm off work tomorrow and both children are at nursery/school so I'm going to spend some more time looking into abuse cycle and all the other links people have sent me.

Clear your browsing history lovely, especially if you use a laptop.

alm23x · 12/11/2020 09:34

@Eckhart I'm really glad you're out the other side and you seem to have really put effort into working on yourself and understanding it all. I'm going to read, read and read some more today. Dog walk to clear the cobwebs first though!
Re: the childhood question. I'm an only child and my mum was a single parent from pregnancy until I was 11 so I didn't have much experience of relationships until then, she then met my stepdad who has no kids of his own...and I actually think he is quite controlling - more "stuck in his ways" than abusive..I didn't get along with him, which spurred my decision to move in with my husband very early (age 18, we'd only been together a year before we moved out and rented). I did however grow up seeing my mum running around the house cleaning up after me (a messy teenager!) So that he wouldn't moan..eg.she would dry the sink and bath after I brushed my teeth and showered because he didn't like water splash marks...lots of other things like that. Very small silly things. Even now she will slip me £20 for the kids but insist I don't tell him, or she will tell my stepdad I've paid for dinner if we go out for a meal so he thanks me etc...but then she will slip me the money for it? All very strange. I don't even know if that's relevent..

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alm23x · 12/11/2020 09:39

@cakequeen1988 I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that :( I'm in shock about how many women go through it, MN has opened my eyes immensely!! Really happy that you got out and life is better, it fills me with hope! How was he when you left?
Everything you said and the examples you gave sound VERY similar and I've been through them all aswell...mines gone mardy with me before when I've only text him for 20 minutes out of my 30 minute lunch break??!
I'm going to do as you did and read, read, read. Even though I know what I'm going through isn't right, as a PP said, I need the penny to drop I think. Im still in a place where something in my head is telling me it's not that bad, stay for the kids, things can get better. Even though I don't believe it, my brain won't let me get past that at the mo x

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Sunnywaves · 12/11/2020 11:21

Are you sure he doesn't know your Mumsnet username? It's strange he suddenly is aware of his abuse after you have opened up on here.

alm23x · 12/11/2020 11:23

I don't get how he would even think to see if I was on here? It's not a website/app I've ever used before or told him about. It is all very strange, though, he text me this morning and said he had a dream I left him?!

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alm23x · 12/11/2020 11:36

I don't even know how to change username but I've changed my password and tempted to remove this thread - see what he says? I've also changed my email and Facebook password. My phone is under his name / his contract but I don't know if that means he can access what I download etc?

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category12 · 12/11/2020 12:37

Did you "log out of all devices" when you changed your Facebook password etc?

It's unlikely he has access to what you're viewing etc through the contract, more likely he knows your passwords. Do you share a "cloud"?

I would start using incognito browsing as it's likely he's checking your history.

category12 · 12/11/2020 12:42

I think it's possible he's tracking activity through the WiFi router, so it might be worth using data instead when you want privacy.

alm23x · 12/11/2020 12:43

Yes I logged out of all devices when I changed FB - to be honest if he went through my FB he wouldn't find anything, it's more the invasion of privacy that winds me up! I highly doubt he's got the password though as I had to show him my "secret" messages folder on Facebook a few weeks back, to prove it was empty. I didn't even know there was such thing until he brought it up!

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alm23x · 12/11/2020 12:44

It seems crazy that he would do that!? Will turn WiFi off my phone & use incognito though just incase x

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category12 · 12/11/2020 12:50

Well he's acting pretty crazy.

alm23x · 12/11/2020 12:51

Agreed!

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SeaEagleFeather · 12/11/2020 13:00

@alm23x

Yes I logged out of all devices when I changed FB - to be honest if he went through my FB he wouldn't find anything, it's more the invasion of privacy that winds me up! I highly doubt he's got the password though as I had to show him my "secret" messages folder on Facebook a few weeks back, to prove it was empty. I didn't even know there was such thing until he brought it up!
You really have got an awful one there that you're dealing with, you know.
alm23x · 12/11/2020 13:55

I can't believe it's taken me so long to see it...ten years of my life!

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Eckhart · 12/11/2020 14:06

I did however grow up seeing my mum running around the house cleaning up after me (a messy teenager!) So that he wouldn't moan

There it is. That's why it's not your fault. We are all 'monkey see, monkey do', and we get our relationship template from watching adult relationships as kids. The template I've quoted above is exactly what you do now. Anything you can to avoid him moaning. And you're exactly what a narcissist looks for, because they can gradually stretch that ability we have to see them in a good light, and that willingness we have to let them off the hook, until they can do whatever they like with absolute impunity.

Did you say you have kids? The biggest lesson here is the template you set for them. Let them see you walk away from an abusive partner, and they will copy this behaviour in their adult relationships. If you stay, and are continually abused, they will copy that.

alm23x · 12/11/2020 14:18

I had never even thought about my mum and step dad's relationship playing a part in it, but it does make sense and I'm going to do more thinking about that.

Yes I have two children. My best friend actually said to me a few months ago "What would you do, if in 18 years time your daughter comes to you and she's with a similar man" and it broke my heart! My son is too young to understand relationships but my daughter definitely sees, and is affected by it...she makes comments and asks questions. I'm really starting to believe we would be happier as a family of 3..I think he would make coparenting a nightmare..I have read horror stories about controlling parents post split. I know il get out, I know I will, I've just got to get my ducks in a row first..

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Eckhart · 12/11/2020 16:55

I think he can sense a change in you, by the way, if he's saying he's having dreams you're leaving him. Beware of the hoover. That's what happens. They feel you pull away with some kind of freaky spidey-senses, and turn the charm back on just when you feel all strong and independent. Don't let him suck you in. You know who he is. You know what he's doing. You know what you want.

It's one of many reasons it's a good idea not to tell him you're thinking of leaving. Ideally, the first he'll know about it is when he notices you're not there. Then you don't have to deal with him trying to hoover you whilst you're trying to leave.

alm23x · 12/11/2020 17:24

You're right. I think it's a mixture of sensing a change in me, but I think he always gets insecure when he's away because he knows my life goes on just fine without him here, I don't struggle or need his help because I'm used to doing everything anyway...so think he gets scared that time to myself gives me time to realise it's better this way! Wonder why!

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alm23x · 12/11/2020 17:27

And in response to your last comment...that's exactly what I'm doing. I'm gonna spend the next month or two getting myself together emotionally and financially, organising everything including the house, have a clear out..get Christmas out of the way and make sure the kids have a lovely one..all whilst planning my exit. It's gonna be really hard to pretend but I know I need extra time to make sure I can leave and truly never been sucked back in. X

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SeaEagleFeather · 13/11/2020 09:18

he knows my life goes on just fine without him here, I don't struggle or need his help because I'm used to doing everything anyway

... you do everything anyway? what -do- you get out of being with him?

alm23x · 13/11/2020 10:41

I'm not sure I get anything to be honest? Financial support / stability maybe as he's the breadwinner.

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