Feel like he thinks it’s my fault I’m I’ll?

[WTFrigg]

Heya, just wanted to get some other perspectives on this because it’s driving me crazy!

So, my boyfriend was supposed to spend the weekend at mine. On Friday night I felt knackered, really run down so I asked for him to come on Saturday instead so I could have an early night and feel better for the weekend - it was half term and I had been dealing with a very bored hyper 3 year old all week so thought I just needed sleep. He begrudgingly agreed.

The next morning I felt worse - headache, fatigue and mild fever. I told him this and said it’s probably best to stay away just incase. That I would keep an eye on my temperature and order a Covid test if needs be, but on the off chance it is that I don’t want to risk him getting it and those he lives with (one of which is vulnerable). This upset him and he seemed a bit off on the phone - the whole “I really wanted to see you” thing.

Since then we’ve been texting/speaking on the phone. I ended up ordering a test that arrived today and will be sending off tomorrow (fingers crossed all clear!) but he keeps going on about how he wanted to see me, that his weekend sucked, that he felt he could of done with a hug (!) and so on. It feels like it’s all about him - never mind the fact I’m feeling rubbish stuck at home with a super bored 3 year old with too much energy that doesn’t understand that mummy needs rest!

I understand that plans had to change and he might be disappointed, I am too, but whenever it comes up it’s almost like he’s blaming me for being ill and has little empathy for my situation. Even when we talk about test results it’s “I hope it’s negative so I can see you” rather than “I hope it’s negative and you feel better and so you and DC aren’t cooped up for weeks” as he knows we both go very stir crazy.

I don’t know, just find it irksome. What do you think?

Clearly the title should say “ill” not “I’ll” 😅

Hm he sounds very selfish! Is he selfish in other ways? If he messages again saying he hopes it's negative so he can see you I would reply what you wrote here saying "sorry do you mean I hope it’s negative and I feel better and so me and DC aren’t cooped up for weeks?"

He’s showing his true colours

I think it’s as you say. He doesn’t seem to care that you are ill only that he didn’t get to see you. It’s all about him isn’t it?

Red flag

I couldn't be bothered with someone like that. The whole 'me me me it's all about me' attitude, and showing no concern that you're unwell. He'd be no help to you if you needed looking after, would he? I really hope you get rid, as opposed to putting on a brave face and struggling to hide your symptoms so he can have his perfect visit just the way he wants it. His attitude is a huge red flag but I guess you know that anyway. Has he sounded concerned and offered to get you anything, some shopping maybe if you can't get out? I hope you feel better soon

Not good. He's putting his own feelings of disappointment above you feeling ill. That is a massive red flag. How long have you been together?

Perhaps you can use this test as an excuse to isolate from him for 2 weeks.. He sounds like an immature, selfish, passive aggressive nob.

This is a massive red flag. He doesnt give a shit your ill. He needs are way more important. Has he asked if you need anything? Asked how your coping with your little one?

Been there got the T-Shirt.

He's selfish. He's shown you that when you need support, he won't be there for you.
I hope you feel better soon.

'A hug' my eye

The right response would have been anything I can drop off at your doorstep for you
Are you ok for Supplies?
I wish I was there to help

I do hope you haven’t got covid and you feel better soon x

What a selfish twat. I hope you see who he is now. Get well soon!

Yes. It really does sound like it's all about him :/

@Sparklfairy

'A hug' my eye

Yeah 'a hug'

wow... he needs to grow the hell up 😳

I hope you feel better soon OP and your test is negative 🌺

well, this has been a learning experience.
it might have taken you longer to really see him if this break in the routine hadn't been imposed on you.
when someone shows you who they are, believe them.
you need an equal partner not another demanding child.
wave goodbye.

Does he often stamp his foot, pout and whine 'but what about meeeee'?
Shown his true colours. You are facing a lifetime of never being supported when you are ill. Utterly selfish.
Hope you get well soon. x

He doesn't seem like a keeper
Feel better and dump him

On the bright side, you're not living together or anything, so now you really need to pay attention to who he is.

Don't give him a pass on his selfishness or overlook what this would mean if you did progress the relationship.

He doesn't sound a keeper.

You need to point out that you being ill isn't impacting him it's impacting you and your DD and if all he can do is moan about himself whilst you're ill then he's a selfish prick.

Thank you for all your responses 😊

To try and answer a few questions, he can be quite selfish in other ways yes. He can also be quite rude and lack manners at times which I have had to point out to him and he is “working on” 🤨 He didn’t ask if I needed anything off his own back but when I mentioned I had asked ex to get a couple of bits for DC (still friends and he’s much more local) he seemed a bit affronted and said I should have asked him.

We’ve not been together that long, only a few months but he is already very invested and clingy - I get messages almost hourly and if I don’t respond quickly I will often get further messages or a call. I know that doesn’t sound good... it can feel exhausting sometimes 😅

@WTFrigg

Thank you for all your responses 😊

To try and answer a few questions, he can be quite selfish in other ways yes. He can also be quite rude and lack manners at times which I have had to point out to him and he is “working on” 🤨 He didn’t ask if I needed anything off his own back but when I mentioned I had asked ex to get a couple of bits for DC (still friends and he’s much more local) he seemed a bit affronted and said I should have asked him.

We’ve not been together that long, only a few months but he is already very invested and clingy - I get messages almost hourly and if I don’t respond quickly I will often get further messages or a call. I know that doesn’t sound good... it can feel exhausting sometimes 😅

OP PLEASE get back to him saying (re getting things) "Well you didn't offer, and I didn't like to ask." Just that - see what he comes back with. I bet defensive AF....

We’ve not been together that long, only a few months but he is already very invested and clingy - I get messages almost hourly and if I don’t respond quickly

He's pushy and rude, and is demonstrating by his lack of care and selfishness that it's not because he loves you so much, it's because he wants what he can get from you (attention, sex). He doesn't really see you as a person with her own wants and needs, but as a vending machine for the things he wants.

@WTFrigg

Thank you for all your responses 😊

To try and answer a few questions, he can be quite selfish in other ways yes. He can also be quite rude and lack manners at times which I have had to point out to him and he is “working on” 🤨 He didn’t ask if I needed anything off his own back but when I mentioned I had asked ex to get a couple of bits for DC (still friends and he’s much more local) he seemed a bit affronted and said I should have asked him.

We’ve not been together that long, only a few months but he is already very invested and clingy - I get messages almost hourly and if I don’t respond quickly I will often get further messages or a call. I know that doesn’t sound good... it can feel exhausting sometimes 😅

Red flags EVERYWHERE. Clingy, needy, rude, ill -mannered, supremely selfish, oblivious to the fact you are unwell potentially with covid.

A 'hug' my eye indeed. Sounds like he'd be a sulker if he didn't get his balls wet too.

Grim.