Feel like he thinks it’s my fault I’m I’ll?

[WTFrigg]

Heya, just wanted to get some other perspectives on this because it’s driving me crazy!

So, my boyfriend was supposed to spend the weekend at mine. On Friday night I felt knackered, really run down so I asked for him to come on Saturday instead so I could have an early night and feel better for the weekend - it was half term and I had been dealing with a very bored hyper 3 year old all week so thought I just needed sleep. He begrudgingly agreed.

The next morning I felt worse - headache, fatigue and mild fever. I told him this and said it’s probably best to stay away just incase. That I would keep an eye on my temperature and order a Covid test if needs be, but on the off chance it is that I don’t want to risk him getting it and those he lives with (one of which is vulnerable). This upset him and he seemed a bit off on the phone - the whole “I really wanted to see you” thing.

Since then we’ve been texting/speaking on the phone. I ended up ordering a test that arrived today and will be sending off tomorrow (fingers crossed all clear!) but he keeps going on about how he wanted to see me, that his weekend sucked, that he felt he could of done with a hug (!) and so on. It feels like it’s all about him - never mind the fact I’m feeling rubbish stuck at home with a super bored 3 year old with too much energy that doesn’t understand that mummy needs rest!

I understand that plans had to change and he might be disappointed, I am too, but whenever it comes up it’s almost like he’s blaming me for being ill and has little empathy for my situation. Even when we talk about test results it’s “I hope it’s negative so I can see you” rather than “I hope it’s negative and you feel better and so you and DC aren’t cooped up for weeks” as he knows we both go very stir crazy.

I don’t know, just find it irksome. What do you think?

When that reality hits you that they don't really care about you and just see you as an object to make them happy/company/give them sex/whatever else, it really is sickening.

You have a good excuse with lockdown coming up. It's a perfect time to get rid of him and have space to breathe.

Please don't mull over pros and cons any longer - based on your last post I would say every day you stay with him will make it harder to get away.

I’ve been where you are OP, twice in fact!
When you try to end it and they put on the crocodile tears and you feel bad.... eurgh!
If you’ve attempted to end the relationship once then you know where your head is at, you wanted that for a reason.
End it and be prepared for the begging, tears and emotional blackmail. Harden to it because your happiness is so much more important. He’ll get over it and find his next victim
Right now is the best time!

To be honest I know you guys are right, I feeling like I’m starting to lose myself a bit and that I’m getting as much stress out of the relationship than anything else... not what you want after only a few months! But when I bring things up he gets so upset and tells me how much he loves and adores me and I cave 🤦‍♀️ Yes I know how stupid that sounds!

he gets so upset and tells me how much he loves and adores me and I cave

You have undeniable proof now that he doesn't though. They are just words. His actions show totally the opposite.

I hate to be blunt the only person he 'loves and adores' is himself.

I hate to be blunt the only person he 'loves and adores' is himself.

There's meant to be a 'but' in there somewhere

Haha I caught your meaning Sparkl 😁 but I do suspect that might be so. We tend to have a call every evening if he’s not here - think I might ask to forego that this evening so I can have some quiet time to myself then an early night.. see how that goes lol

I'd be so angry and tell him to drop dead.Twice

He sounds like he's draining you rather than recharging you.

The fact that you need his permission to skip calling him tonight should tell you everything you need to know I'm afraid OP.

When you see yet another text or yet another call flash up on your phone, how do you feel? Is it butterflies & excitement because the guy you really fancy wants to talk to you? Because that's how it should feel in the honeymoon period if it's a happy, healthy relationship.

I would be pointing out you are already looking after the wants of one toddler and don't need another. I had a sulky, man child ex like this, life really is far simpler when you get rid. Hope you feel better soon.

He sounds like a complete baby. Ugh.

But when I bring things up he gets so upset and tells me how much he loves and adores me and I cave

You are being manipulated by a man you can barely see, through all the red flags.

Don't ask him for space, tell him you are taking it. 'I'd like a quiet night so I won't be calling today'. Chances are he will sulk bir try to make out you are being unfair/cold/selfish for asking for this time to yourself, because that's who he is.

On a side note though op, he isnt using the 'L word' 2 months in is he? Cringe!

People who respect you, respect personal space and time. Just because you like someone doesn't give you the right to monopolise all their time. Normal people know that. People who are trying to trap you however...

Bunny, yes he is - and regularly 🤦‍♀️ He has been very full on from the get go, I’ve actually had to tell him to cool it off quite a bit. He was talking about “the future” from a couple of weeks in as well... which made me uncomfortable and I told him as much so he doesn’t now. It is a shame because when we first met there was an undeniable spark... but I just feel that spark diminishing now.

Have read the thread and seen your responses....when I read your OP I thought Christ what a giant baby! But previous posters have it right, you are drifting into something very controlling. All this early lovebombing and the upset when you imply it’s all too much too soon - this man does not respect your feelings.

Soon he won’t want you doing certain things or going certain places, but it’ll all be just because he “loves you so much”. Be careful OP. I would think long and hard about whether to continue this relationship

Bloody hell, you've only been seeing him five minutes and he's already a selfish sulky manipulative controlling brat.
He won't get better with time. So yourself a favour and dump him!

He sounds selfish and horny , sorry!

@WTFrigg

Bunny, yes he is - and regularly 🤦‍♀️ He has been very full on from the get go, I’ve actually had to tell him to cool it off quite a bit. He was talking about “the future” from a couple of weeks in as well... which made me uncomfortable and I told him as much so he doesn’t now. It is a shame because when we first met there was an undeniable spark... but I just feel that spark diminishing now.

This type of man often targets lone parents, as they perceive them to be more desperate for a man and will put up with dodgy behaviour from them.

Worse case scenario, he has a plan of moving in and becoming a controlling cocklodger.

Best case scenario, he is a whiny manchild whose current toy is broken and he can't play with it.

When you do decide to end things be aware that this man won’t make it easy for you. He will beg, cry, promise to change and possibly turn nasty because he needs to be in control. Don’t fall for his manipulation but remain determined. You have seen who he really is and he’s definitely not a keeper.

There is often a spark from the get go with predators like him. Often its because they have such intensity. They may look at you with such obvious...desire. But it isn't actually desire in the attraction sense we mistake it for...it is need to acquire, to dominate, to posess. It is the way a lion looks at a gazelle.

He has also been "future faking" with you. And the telling you he loves you this early is love bombing.

Seriously op he is very bad news. You need to disengage from him completely. Do not allow him to suggest saying friends either. He does not want good things for you. He means you harm.

I’m not sure that he would mean me harm in the physical sense and a lot of the issues we have I think are more to do with major insecurities (not to suggest I need to put up with them!). Though the dominance thing may be true, I think he likes to feel like a “man” - sometimes trying to tell me what to do (never anything major mind) or claiming to want to look after me, infact more than once I’ve told him I’m not a delicate flower that needs looking after! But then in the bedroom he’s ..ahem.. very dominant 😅

OP for a lot of people they'd be really pissed off at his behaviour as you've described it. The worst you've said is you find it is exhausting, and irksome. Everything else you're sounding quite neutral.
How do you really feel about the way he behaves?

I find it very alarming that you seem to think his behaviour is amusing. It's horrible and I'm dumbfounded that you're still with him.

I'd run a mile. Way to intense while not being there when you're ill. He's all words and no action. And he sulks about not getting laid (obviously that's what he wants) while you're ill. Deeply unattractive. Why do you bother with him?