Online dating in your 40s - Part 2

[StarlightSparkle]

New thread as I don’t think we are anywhere near done on this subject!

sugarlost I think I am at the same place as you. It's so frustrating.

I replied to a guy on OLD and he replied, "am I your first on here?" So... are you looking for an OLD virgin? So gross. Men just seem so shallow and disappointing

Long time 'lurker', first time poster. It's all a bit of a shambles really isn't it? It appears to be quite rubbish if you're a genuine male also. I can hold a conversation, maybe even structure a coherent sentence and am very conscious of keeping in touch via text, WhatsApp etc. Trouble is, if you're selective in who you engage with you're disadvantaged because it's a numbers game for everyone else. I've had good dates with interesting people but they've given the impression of being blighted by OLD and the way men behave these days. I met someone who I thought was lovely but sometimes their recent experiences just prevent good shit happening

After having five minutes of being interested in the young hot guy I'm over it now. I'm letting it fizzle out 🙄 I think I just can't genuinely be interested in people I don't know in real life!

I agree with everyone about the full messaging. It's the worst. I had another date lined up a while ago but had to cancel because the messaging was just so painful and I was doing all the work.

@sugarlost I have a friend who is so negative about dating (and men) but I don't want that and have to bite my tongue when she talks about it. I'm only 43 and have years left I don't want them to be single. I miss having a man in my life and doing all those coupley things. I'm still(just about) young enough to have children too, so I can't rule that out either. A friend suggested maybe I try older men, but every guy I've dated since I was 21 has been younger than me(not deliberately it just how it happened) and I upped my age limit to 50 and still didn't find anyone I found remotely attractive. I don't look my age (I've been told I look mid-thirties) which is probably why I attract younger men(Mr Computer Geek is 8 years younger). My [ex]husband was 7 years younger but it lasted 14 years and age was never the issue.

Dating is so complicated now, I want to find someone I am attracted to, someone I can have a good chat too, someone who I can laugh with, someone who gets me and accepts me as me (even with my faults and life's battle scars). He must be out there surely!

@RainyDays2020 welcome and agree about being blighted about the dating experience. I’ve only being OLD for 6 months and I am at the stage where I do not believe anything I’m told anymore! Even the nice ones - so 6 months in and I have trust issues
@Isitreally77 I do think he’s out there and I hope he appears for you soon. And I get the negative friends thing too. My sisters who I’m close to were fascinated at the start but now don’t even ask or say things why would you bother? I’ve spent 2 lockdowns alone every evening while you are all at home with your husbands chatting and cosy so feck off asking why I bother !
As my current iron seems to be letting things fizzle I’m meeting a new one for coffee on Wednesday (if it goes ahead) and more interestingly No2 from my previous post has reappeared and wanted to meet for a chat. He was the one that got away for me and I was quite hurt with the way things went so this is probably a stupid move but I’ve Agreed to a coffee and a walk. He’s great company funny and attractive so I’m throwing caution to the wind I’m going to be on here crying about this in the future 😂

@Mayzee ah good luck on Wednesday. I'm obviously not coming across well over messages as I haven't had a date at all. Mr Computer Geek is firmly in the friend zone and i just can't be bothered with making small talk and struggled chatting to other matches.

@Angelofdeath oh still living with Mum. I've not had that pleasure yet.

@Angelofdeath there was one who I talked to who lived with his aunt, but had a house elsewhere apparently. Mr Computer Geek lives with his ex and their 3 kids. So I suppose I'm not immune from the dodgy living arrangements after all.

He lives with his ex and kids?...

@OutingMyself yeah 😐 that's why I'm giving him a wide berth, that and I don't believe half of what he has told me.

I’m thinking of giving it up for a while too! Yet again Iv been messed around, speaking to what I thought was a nice man, made plans for a social distanced walk yesterday, heard nothing of him so I messaged to say “just confirming later on today I’ll wait to hear from you” and nothing since!
Why do I get them all!!! So many “nearly” dates from men who are just messing around!
I’m genuinely hurt now keep thinking it must be me! Xx

@Tiredmum8 I had that last week, sent him a really harsh message the next day. Didn't expect him to read it let alone reply but I thought at least if he reads it he may think twice about treating someone else like that. He not only read it but also replied. Needless to say that one has been firmly put to bed, even he said I deserved better.

Afternoon Ladies, Im sorry to read that there has been no invention of a decent man over the weekend for any of us!
I have stayed off the apps, and I've decided Im not looking for anything in the near future at all, and I feel so much BETTER for it! No creepy messages, no let downs, just a normal steady life without the ups and downs, and game playing. I have decided I would much rather meet someone in real life, and I am prepared to wait for it. I feel much more balanced in myself for taking deciding this. I got a whatsapp message off a guy I was talking to in the first lock-down on Friday, asking if I would like to carry on chatting to him, and had he done something wrong??? Erm, yeah, you ignored me for 3 months and then think you can just pick up where you left off....errrm...NO!! Go away....creep! I just dont have the energy for their silly little selfish games....single all the way for me!

@pineappleonpizzaornot thats a great place to be too...

@LuckyLinda3 - Thank you! I feel like I have set myself free from OLD dating misery! If its meant to happen it will, but I am better than game playing and being let down, ignored, ghosted, and the dirty messages, it was beginning to depress me. And, I thought....do I really need a man in my life, I have loads of friends, good job, own house, own car. I will meet someone when its the right time, but Im no longer searching for it :)

@Angelofdeath I'm very unimpressed by your brother's comment. Most of the world relies on their phones in the best of times. Very unkind.

@pineappleonpizzaornot this is the very thing that has made me hesitant to bother with OLD!

However, I had an intense sex dream involving a gay male friend last night

I think this is a sign of something? Probably that I need sex, but also that I'm not prepared to trust men. Sigh.

@Angelofdeath, mentally I just can't be doing with OLD, it was making me miserable, I was like you, every time I got a message, before I'd even opened it, I was thinking "oh fuck off!", I think that meant it was time to stop looking 😂 and you sound like you have lots of things in your life, a man would just be a problem 😂😂