Online dating in your 40s - Part 2

[StarlightSparkle]

New thread as I don’t think we are anywhere near done on this subject!

@Mayzee I think we need to be in the headspace for it but equally I believe there are good things ahead for us.

@LuckyLinda3 that's good news. I hate waiting on a text... which I'm currently doing!

What site are you on? Sounds like you're doing well.. getting asked for second dates too

@sugarlost...im on match and pof. I had one date with the first, 2 with the second, 3 with the third and I've had 3 with this guy and were still interested so I've been lucky. Haven't been dumped yet but I'm sure that's not far away!!!

@LuckyLinda3 Thanks. In sure you'll be fine.
Do you send a first message sometimes? Do you have a detailed profile?

I have met 5 men for dates 2 pof and 3 tinder - 2 of the 3 tinder resulted in further dates - the disappearing one and my current one who may or may not be still current 🙈 The first pof I said no thanks and the second I met twice but he’s a player that wanted a fb type thing I think which I don’t.
I’m getting the return dates but nothing worth pursuing yet. I’ve only sent the first message in one of these cases but I’ve sent first messages loads of times to others if I’m feeling brave/drunk lol and either been ignored or they were weird or chats fizzled out.

@Mayzee thanks for your update. It's good you're getting return dates. Sounds like you're getting options

Can I ask if you ladies have a good attraction to your dates or do you think he looks ok and I'll see how it goes?

@sugarlost I dont reply if theres no pic and never send the first message. To be fair I only responded to a few of the messages I've got.

@sugarlost sorry forgot to say my profile is not very detailed and I have 2 photos up, one with curly hair, one straight. No full length one. My kids are 20 and 15 and I'm no beauty and a bit overweight but at that stage where I accept myself as I am and know that I have nothing to prove to anyone.

@sugarlost no attraction to the first. Attracted by the others but 2 became too intense and 3 talked about his exes, tried to counsel me. Current fella seems genuine, physically attracted to him and dont have any major issues except hes very keen to get me to his overnight...has suggested different rooms...but I'm not ready and my kids are obeying lockdown rules so I'm not going to be a hypocrite and break them.

@LuckyLinda3 thanks for your update. I think we're all beautiful in different ways and you also sound lovely.

I think you're making a good decision and hopefully he will respect that.

Do you think you would want to live with a man again?

@sugarlost no attraction to No1 at all when we met. We had been chatting for ages throughout the first lockdown so I really knew before meeting that he wasn’t for me but I met him anyway out of some kind of misplaced obligation 🙈 he was a nice guy , weird kinks not for me!
No2 was instant attraction when we met and I had 3 meets with him before he became flaky.
No3 was a spontaneous decision to meet when no 2 flaked out on plans just thought he would be a fun distraction for an evening but I really liked him and we connected a lot. I had to call it off though because it became clear that his ex wasn’t so ex after all
No 4 was nice looking and we had a lovely kiss which left me wanting more on date 2 but he really wanted to just come to mine for sex when he was free which is a no!
No 5 is the latest one - loved our chats and instant attraction on meeting- have dtd and it was great - want more not sure if he does
All of my dates except the first one were better looking in person than photos so I would give people a chance if the photos are a bit dodgy but the personality comes through on the phone or in messages.

@sugarlost, thank you. I do feel I have a lot to offer the right person and even reading your posts it's clear you ladies are all genuine, lovely ladies who would bring so much too. Genuinely right now I don't see myself living full time with someone again. I'm learning to really enjoy my own company and time and I'm quite independent by nature. That said when my youngest gets up a bit maybe I will feel differently but for now I like by bed to myself...ha ha!

Good advice there @Mayzee!

@Mayzee I hope No5 works out. On reflection I've not enjoyed being intimate with partners... the best intimacy has been with casual partners.

I guess attraction can come in lots of ways. I'm realistic in who I may attract but have to keep options open or could end up with noone. I'm not photogenic either.

@LuckyLinda3 it's great you're independent and learning to enjoy your own company. Lol having the bed to yourself can be great too

@Angelofdeath it is the same old crap....I don't know what to do anymore. I'm fed up of smiling to my friends playing happy families too.... one said at least you're not in an abusive relationship when she asked how I was coping on my own. I'm fed up with the happy family holiday snaps too lol. How can some of us be destined to be alone while others have They're happy ever after?
I'm planning where I can walk by myself and that makes me sad.
I've been stood up too... text I was waiting on came hours later. . because he respects me so much. Things can only get better

@sugarlost I would love my gym instructor to be interested, sadly I asked him out in March and he said no. Not sure anything has changed since then sadly but the compliment from him meant a lot (I told him that too, and he sent me an encouraging message to keep up the hard work and what to do).

@Angelofdeath that's why I liked Mr Computer Geek as we had none of the boring how are you crap. I started with a sarcastic comment about his photos(they were topless and headless so deserved it) which he took really well,in fact he came back with some sarcastic comments to me. I put him back in his box a couple of times and we just carried on from there. 20 days and three failed attempts at a date later we are still chatting but have put the idea of a date firmly to one side. We are both a lot happier knowing not to expect a date any time soon. We are currently comparing what we are doing to keep our workouts going whilst the gyms are shut.

Some of the men I've matched with have been awful for chatting to, it's like pulling teeth, one word answers, no interest in asking me anything. It's like why bother.

@Angelofdeath I'm going to keep saying the only way is up lol. I felt like I might cry earlier at being stood up and letting him control my day. I'm binging on sweets now...I have no control over all areas of my life

Maybe I may meet a nice single man on my walk and then I'll wake up

I've stopped counting my single years...if I'm honest I don't think I've ever been in a decent relationship so really I've been single all my life as they don't count!

@Isitreally77 that message would keep a smile on my face for a long time

@Angelofdeath I don't like text speak. After they've asked what I'm looking for which is code for Sex? I hope they may have some normal conversation... sometimes it happens for a a few lines but generally not...it always reverts back to sexy talk...so boring.

@Angelofdeath maybe I need to research single man loan walks but that doesn't sound right lol

I know what the score is with him sadly... that's my problem...he probably had a better offer. He apologized but it means nothing... after all it takes a second to send a text not hours but it's mind games...power and control to put us in our place.

When will this can't be bothered attitude change....is this it? I have friends who have given up and no longer discuss dating.... it's like an acceptance. But I'm too young not to have sex anymore and too old to deal with the bullshit that's often involved with encounters....

Just to have some decent male company for a few hours...a hug too where there's an attraction.