Online dating in your 40s - Part 2

[StarlightSparkle]

New thread as I don’t think we are anywhere near done on this subject!

Sorry long post!

So Mr Computer Geek did say he might not be able to meet yesterday but would try, and still wants to and would love to see me. So I didn't expect him to, so wasn't disappointed when he didn't make it(he was going to let me know when he was near), in fairness I made no effort to get ready. He messaged me last night saying sorry he couldn't make it(I saw it when I woke up this morning). I was asleep by 9.15 so I wouldn't have been much fun anyway and as it was by 6 I looked like a scarecrow (my hair is in desperate need of a cut), bags under my eyes (his fault mind you) sat in jeans and a hoodie so would have probably scared him off .

My ex did say to me at the start of all this, that for him it's early days so he is probably a bit scared and to take things slowly (I do love a man's perspective sometimes and one that has been there). Back in early December he did tell me he was taking time out to sort himself out but would be back when he was of some use to someone, I gave him the space he needed (checking in a couple of times) and he kept his word. I'm not holding out for this guy but I'm not binning him off just yet(something is telling me not to right now).

But for now I'm actually feeling pretty good (just need a haircut), still slightly pissed off about Sunday but not devastated that he didn't show up because he is still messaging.

@Isitreally77 - There is taking things slow, and there is being a complete twat! Sorry! As long as you are OK, then thats all that matters, just protect that heart of yours!
The guy I was talking to did have pics, he had a few, so that is what I find bizarre, a week later he is all loved up?
My Mum said something yesterday that really hit me, wasn't talking about my shit none existent love life, was something else entirely, but she said "Men, they really think they're something dont they?"....and shes right, the ones I am coming across and the ones you are all coming across really seem to think they are something special! Oh....and I think something evolutionary is going on with the lack of hair......in 50 years, I dont think they are going to be able to grow any at all

I think us ladies are around the same age?? I am 41, and I am struggling to find anyone similar to my age on the apps.....they are either 35 or 55, nothing in between. Is it just my area or does every bloke my age have is shit together and is happily settled! Feel more depressed this morning after trailing through the app, I should have stayed off it!

@pineappleonpizzaornot thank you and yes my heart is currently well protected. I said to him on Friday when he messaged that it can't mess with our heads whatever we do.

I have the same problem men my age don't seem to be interested in me. I get more messages from men who are 32-36 than in their 40s. Is it because men in their 40s want women in their 30s?

I have no idea @Isitreally77 - All I know is I am feeling that I am going to be single forever and ever and ever :( I feel like Im not "applicable" to anyone at the moment re my age, Im finding it pretty tough at the minute......I stupidly text my ex after months of no contact, asking how he was, he asked how I was and then that was the end of that.....Covid has a lot to answer for :(

I am 44 and find the same thing. I don’t fancy a lot of the guys who like me as they look so old. But then a lot of guys I like don’t like me back - they probably think I’m an old hag! It doesn’t help that exH is all loved up with a girl 10 years my junior. He was the one whose behaviour caused our marriage to end (affair) yet another relationship has just fallen into his lap (different woman to the affair).

I do feel like I’m going to be single forever! I’m chatting to a couple of people but neither seem like good matches for me.

@Isitreally77 you are giving him way more chances than I would’ve done. I hope he turns out to be worth it. Are you still swiping and keeping other options open?

I actually completed one of my apps the other day - got a message saying there are no more men fitting my criteria!! A pretty dire state of affairs.

I agree, it's dire and depressing. There are no men i like on the apps and the odd one doesn't like me back.

I've had a string of awful relationships but met what I thought was a lovely man last year. We keep in touch but it isn't going anywhere, just highlights what I want but can't have! It's not fair 😢

Makes it worse too as as no man compares to the one that keeps in touch but doesn't want a relationship. I find swiping more depresses me.

@StarlightSparkle yes I'm still swiping and have been talking to a few others but the conversations have been dying out since lockdown started, I think because people don't have much to talk about.

And yes I've been giving him more chances than I usually would, I just feel there might be something worthwhile.

@Isitreally77 have you met him? Are you sure he's not a catfish?

@Isitreally77 you really need to get rid of computer geek and move on once and for all. Can you not see that he is messing you about and you're letting him. This has been going on for weeks now & if he's like this at the start when he's meant to be on best behaviour it's only going to get worse. You deserve better. He's a time waster and breadcrumbing you.

@sharonJJ55 I completely agree!! He now knows he can treat you anyway he wants and you will still come running

@Isitreally77 I don’t want you to feel piled upon when we are all saying the same thing to you. But this guy is not the guy for you. I saw this and thought of you but it’s something all of us doing OLD could remember.

Hi all hope your all doing ok as can be. So I have been chatting to guy and we have lots of things in common. He hasn’t gone all weird and sending sexual messages like all the rest so all good but as something to say. I asked him if we could go out and eat where would it be and what food do you like. Bit boring but couldn’t think of anything else. He said he didn’t know of anywhere and eats most things. Surely everyone knows somewhere to go and eat. Is this weird?

@Kat2000 I would find that odd and off-putting. Doesn’t exactly whet your appetite for a date if he’s just going to shrug his shoulders when you’re discussing where to go. I’m a bit of a foodie and love eating out so if someone didn’t share that interest I’d wonder about their suitability as a match.

One of the guys I’m talking to said he’d love to meet but it’s not possible right now with the restrictions. He’s got a point - though you can meet for exercise, we live in different areas and travelling out of your local area is discouraged. Not sure what to do - say I’ll get back in touch in a few weeks when/ if restrictions are eased?! I can’t be bothered with weeks of chit chat when we might not even fancy each other on meeting. Or go virtual?

I've got one person I've said I'll speak to when this is all over or when we can meet up again. I'm not going to waste my time chit chatting for months when like you say we might not fancy each other.

Gosh yes it is so dire!

Men my age look so old - I look younger.

Sometimes I message them and either get a "hey ;) " as a response or an essay just full of their own show off bluster nothing normal.

I do think men on there want someone 10-15 years younger and someone who makes Claudia Schiffer look plain

I've stopped all OLD. I literally would rather poke my eyes out than spend months and months going back and forth with "how's your day in lockdown been?" Can't stand the boring chit chat. If I hear "any exciting plans for the weekend?" one more time I might cryI'm spending this time having no pressure of OLD, none of the nonsense from men and am actually enjoying it. The only thing I have signed up to (with a friend) is virtual speed dating. I figure the men must be more serious about dating and have a bit more to them if they are willing to pay £15 and allocate an evening to it. Thought it would be a laugh so that's what I'm doing

ooh sounds good @sharonJJ55 keep us posted with the speed dating! I'd feel I had to tidy up my house and make sure I had a good backdrop for that .

I did real speed dating once - it was grim - about 15 blokes only one vaguely good looking the other 14 extras from Last of the Summer Wine and by their accounts, regulars at the events (as no one had ever picked them).

lol @PilatesPeach - Last of the summer wine! Im with @sharonJJ55, and I do find that I am happier in myself when Im not looking through the apps, I get so down when I start looking again, but something inside me teels me to look....note to self, dont listen to self anymore .
I feel like I need something in my life at the minute and the whole situation pulls me back to looking and swiping, nothing else to do is there!
On the upside, I am viewing a house tomorrow, and it looks perfect! Nearly a year to the day that I split with my ex, about 4 house moves and corona under my belt in a year, so Im hoping things may be turning in my favor....only took a year! Fingers crossed I like the house, and if I do, fingers crossed they accept my application

@pineappleonpizzaornot aw I'm delighted for you. Hope all works out with the house. Look how far you have come....you got this girl.

I’ve been OLD and after a long time off, went back in in Nov and in Dec I found someone who I thought was nice. We bubbled up and have had a few nice dates, but it feels like he wants to ‘run’ things on his terms. Choosing when to see me, when to respond to my messages etc. I do like him but I’m taking a step back and trying to match his investment. Thing is there’s lockdown atm so nothings happening or going to happen with anyone new now!
I’m on bumble and he’s 52 while I’m 41. Tbh he looks a lot younger than his age.

Awww @LuckyLinda3, thank you. I do feel as if its taking me far too long just to come as far as I have, but having to relocate, keep my job and deal with Corona things havent bee straight forward at all! Im really hoping I like the house (and it likes me) lol....Im on a date with a house

Reaching out again ladies and would appreciate your feedback. So I'm wondering is it me at this stage. Current interest works really hard in a care environment and our time together is very limited as I wont introduce him to my kids yet as I'm only over 1 year separated and I think it's too soon. From last week we had arranged to spend all day Tuesday together. We met up for a walk on sunday and he was telling me I have warned work not to ring on Tuesday as I am not available. Then Monday afternoon he texts and says sorry I'm working tomorrow. I was fuming but said nothing. He continued to text as normal but last night after work he was texting...the usual I'm so tired stuff and I texted and said look you are so busy, most weeks working 5 13hr days and often getting a last minute call to cover that maybe we should leave this here. He replied maybe you're right but put it down more to covid. Part of me thinks I jumped in too quickly but then I also think when he was working straight through to Friday and we had plans for Tuesday why opt to work...again.
He asked if we could still see each other when things settle down but I just said I wasnt sure. He wished me and the kids well and I did the same back.

Am I expecting too much though a I did put limitations from my end but was clear about them from the start. We got on really well and have great chemistry but am I right thinking the effort you see is a reflection of the interest and on that basis he was happy to prioritize work on several occasions?

Should I leave it and see if he gets in contact/text again or just chalk it up to experience ....opinions greatly appreciated.