Online dating in your 40s - Part 2

[StarlightSparkle]

New thread as I don’t think we are anywhere near done on this subject!

*I am really pleased

Isit the bumping in thing is a funny or. Flaky said he goes to my gym, I've never seen him in there but given my first impressions when I saw him on our first date I don't know if I would have noticed him anyway.

I definitely would now but so far I've not seen him. Not sure what I'll say to him if/when I do but unfortunately I'm quite direct and very sarcastic - could be interesting!

Has anyone else had this opening line (or similar) on OLD?

"Do you like a strong dominant man"

If so how do you respond, if at all?

I would respond by immediately unmatching them.

@Gibbsbasement id just say 'no'! I've had similar messages on FAB, in caps lock!!! I always questioned them about the caps lock...

You don't need to say anything. They're literally just talking about dominating you during sex in their first message. You don't owe that kind of skank a reply.

I replied: if you're asking if I like to be strangled or humiliated during sex the answer is no.

I was blocked almost instantly so I'll never know the true answer

Why would you want to hear any more from them?

@OutingMyself I wouldn't, I meant that tongue in cheek, perhaps should have used an emoji to get that across.

I'm on the verge of giving up. I've had two guys who have actually shown an interest in asking me questions Mr Computer Geek and my 29 year old one. Every other match it's so bloody hard, not one has asked me a question. I've asked and I don't even get a what about you? in response to the question I asked. It's like what's the bloody point. I thought I would give it another go after Mr Computer Geek but I'm really not feeling it.

@Gibbsbasement Ah okay!

@Isitreally77 I'm not feeling it either. I've just deleted all the apps, again. After the last guy who seemed nice but wasn't I had another one say something about how close we are (distance wise), which just got my back up. I don't want to be conveniently close.

I get really sick of guys (and I believe these are the wanting a shag only guys) who start messages with 'hey baby', 'hey beautiful lady' etc. I find it really patronising. I had a guy add a twee extra few syllables on to my name in his first message the other day 🤢

Basically it's all really annoying me atm and I've had enough. I'm feeling really cynical about what they all want too.

@OutingMyself I've unmatched three today as they just haven't shown an interest in getting to know me.

It doesn't help that my lodger keeps being so negative about it all. She was even questioning whether Mr Computer Geek was telling me the truth about his situation(I would hope he wasn't lying about having a really unwell ex), questioning whether he was lying about his name, didn't believe that he was separated. In fact she has been nothing but negative about him from the start. I'm also fed up with her saying all the men on Tinder are only after one thing, I won't find a relationship and all men are bastards. In fact she is even negative about my gym instructor who is hot and a kind genuine guy. She is quite happy being 53 and single, I'm 43 I don't want to be single. Anyway rant over😅

@Angelofdeath I'm not sure that would work, everything that comes out of her mouth is always so negative, I mean yesterday she moaned that her daughters step sister bought a new build two bed flat because she wanted to move out, whilst her daughter stayed living at home not paying rent and saved and bought a 4 bed house. Whilst sat in my 2 bed new build shared ownership flat. The irony (and her boasting) was lost on her. As I say she criticised my gym instructor and he is perfectly nice just doesn't want a relationship.

I'd like to think Computer Geek wasn't lying to me, and I hope one day he is able to sort his life out. If I believe he was lying then that makes feel like an idiot for falling for his lies. Whereas if I believe he was telling the truth then I've shown him kindness when he needed it.

@Isitreally77 did you actually meet Mr ComputerGeek?

@Eesha nope which makes me feel even more stupid for feeling so upset about it.

@Isitreally77 how long did you chat for? What id say is that you never really knew him and whether what he said was true or not. I was ghosted by someone earlier this year and he said all the nice things etc and then just disappeared. I then met a couple of people in real life afterwards but at least there I could guage things better with how they behaved in real life. When I thought back, I realised there was no way I could have known enough about the first person as we hadn't even met! I think you are overthinking about what might have been but really he could have pretended to be anything.

@Eesha we chatted for a month, I actually think he wanted someone to chat to more than anything when I think about it now.

@Isitreally77 mine was similar, regular messages, several hours of phone chats. Mine suggested meeting but was at the start of lockdown one so I said no. I suspect mine was married, perhaps his wife was abroad due to Covid but then he just disappeared! I didn't get it at all but I think what happened was meeting others in real life.

I got asked earlier when the last time I was intimate with someone was. Honestly if this is the pool of men out there I'm destined to be single. I matched with someone earlier and his eye brows are more groomed than mine, I just want to send him a message saying he has better eye brows than me.

So I've been chatting to a nice guy who I shall call Dutch, he is currently on holiday in the Netherlands. He seems keen to meet (a little too keen possibly, maybe that is the language barrier as he is Dutch), we can't meet until January as he has to quarantine for 10 days and he isn't back until the 22nd. I was messaging him this morning when who should pop up but none other than Mr Computer Geek, he was replying to my rather stroppy message.

He said he has to sort himself out for his children (which I completely understand) and he was very sorry for all my problems and they are just as bad as his etc. He said its not fair on anyone to keep going backwards and forwards and he will be back when he has sorted himself out. There was a lot of other stuff too. I showed my friend and she thinks he is being genuine (she didn't at the beginning). He did also say it's nothing I've done.

I feel better now but I'm not going to wait around for him. If or when he does come back and I'm still single and he can prove he has sorted himself out then maybe but I'm not waiting around for him.

Anyway Mr Dutch seems keen so let's see what happens there.

Ladies can I reach out for your opinions again please. Still seeing the same fella I messaged about previously. I noticed the last few days especially that communication between us has reduced a lot. He still messages every day at least twice but he was out all over the weekend and I heard very little although he did message from the pub!! He works really and hard and this week is working 5 days out of 7. His shifts are 13hrs so hes off Thursday and Sunday and wants to meet up on Thursday. I just get the sense that he works a lot and am starting to think it could be hard to see each other. He looks younger than this 51 years but his attitude is older and a lot of the time hes talking about how tired he us but still takes on every shift he can get. I don't want something serious and he knows this but it just seems a bit flat already. Am I expecting too much?

Linda hard to say really, how long have you been seeing him? Lockdown/tier restrictions aside do you go out when you see him? Does he want to go things or is he too tired?

If it's early days I personally would see him again if there is attraction and you think it could go somewhere. He might be working a lot as he's not had much else to do and that might change if he's seeing someone/as restrictions ease. You could see him again and see how it is, if it's not great in person and the messages are tailing off maybe it's run it's course??

Sometimes people get stuck in their ways, particularly if they've been single for a while and are of a certain age. Lockdown and awful weather not helping either 🙄

Good advice @VivaVegas. I do think hes a genuine, good man and we are great together physically despite not sealing the deal entirely so maybe you are right and he has been working more as there is nothing else to do.