Online dating in your 40s - Part 2

[StarlightSparkle]

New thread as I don’t think we are anywhere near done on this subject!

When you have school age children that need childcare I can understand the not working as childcare can cost more than your wage, but you are right its the ones with their heads in the clouds that want everything handing to them on a plate, the guy I was talking to who had no job, car, house want to be a blogger FFS! Wouldn't we all want to rant on about things we believe in and conspiracy theories, but it wont pay my bills!...as for my ex -the one who didnt want another relationship quickly-- is now living with someone...3 months after he stopped sleeping with me - they are just full of bullshit!

@Angelofdeath - Eurgh exactly! no flippin hope for us is there

I have realised 'I am a special man' is more 'I am a dull man'. Ah well.

I started speaking to a good looking guy last night but gave up answering because he kept giving me one sentence answers and 'are you up to much?' type questions. Now he's messaged me again saying 'hey'. Whatever, Dave. Get some convo skills. This is just a horny at bedtime thing also, isn't it?

@OutingMyself I’m messaging a guy who has sent me a good morning text before I look at my phone every morning, then throughout the day it’s what you up to now? How’s things? And one word answers if I ask anything. I just think he’s bored as he is furloughed with no kids nothing to do. He seems to be keen on keeping the chats going in this tedious way and he’s so nice I feel bad that I want to just block and delete🙈

Apparently I've run out of people to swipe. I was talking to one last night who said he like cougars. Am I the only one who dislikes that term? Why can men go out with someone 10 years younger and nothing is said but a woman gets called a cougar if she does it.

So I'm having a bit of an emotional rollercoaster these past few days. I'm literally a crying mess over Mr Computer Geek, how can I stop. Just thinking about him makes me cry, I miss chatting to him. It is the everyday messages that I miss, the talking about the gym, having someone that understood my need for the gym. Having someone who seemed genuinely pleased when I lost my first stone. The how's your day going messages.

I sat in the gym car park crying yesterday(bless my gym instructor he kept walking past asking if I was alright when I was doing my gym session, my red eyes might have been why),I've stood in the shower this morning and literally crumpled in tears. I haven't cried over it until yesterday and now I can't stop. It's stupid we chatted every day but I never actually got to meet the guy so I shouldn't be like this.

Hi @Isitreally77, I'm new to this thread although I have been lurking, reading along , as technically I am not in the right age group and have been seeing someone for a while. But I am a regular still on another dating thread on here that I contribute to.
Sending a hug. These are very tough times and this is a difficult time of year when we should be feeling happy but we are looking still at a very mixed picture. I imagine your tears are for a variety of reasons but in terms of Mr Computer Geek it is likely to be frustration and sadness hat someone who you felt a connection with is as yet still not within touching distance. And when you have been dating a while and met a cross section of chancers and misfits online, it is a rare and wonderful surprise when you feel that mutual connection. I don't know the full story but don't give yourself a hard time for being human and having needs. Hopefully the tears will have helped somewhat. They've probably been building for a while. Wanting affirmation and attention from others is perfectly normal. Well done on your weight loss and having the focus to get to the gym. I'm sure you have people in your life who care for you very much but I also know very well the need to have 'your someone'

The boring text I'm rolling my eyes to from OLD men is "any exciting plans tonight/this weekend?" Erm let me think about that...no! It's been lockdown, no-ones doing anything exciting are they?!

I'm getting seriously pee'd off with OLD. I want someone to kiss under the mistletoe (a boyfriends just for Christmas right?!😂) but I'm running out of patience with these fickle, flaky men!

Awww @Isitreally77 , dont beat yourself up for being upset, it shows you have emapthy and a heart...a lot of people dont! I think @Angelofdeath is right, and you mourning what you thought was going to be/could have been, @Onesmallstep67, is right too, I think its been building with you for a while! Nobody has a rule book on how you feel about someone and them not being there anymore, I was more upset over my last relationship than I was when I split with my kids dad. Its a really hard time at the minute, with the virus, the weather and Christmas...let it out, I found that just letting myself feel what I was feeling when I split with my ex I slowly started to feel better, rather than trying to mask it and "put a brave face on"

ive realised this will be my first Christmas without a partner in about 20 years!! Im actually looking forward to it, no one to buy for, can spend it with my family, and go and see who I want!

@Isitreally77 I feel for you, it's a really hard time at present but you will be ok. I do find going on the apps casually tends to work as you only need one fun chat and you feel a bit more revitalised.

I've been following this thread even though I've been seeing someone for 5 months now. Unfortunately due to Covid and his having vulnerable parents, we are cooling off a bit so he can focus on them. He feels he can't see me and not touch me so seemingly the easier option is for us to not see each other!!! Anyway, not an easy time for me either but trying to stay positive and think of Christmas!

Thank you @Onesmallstep67 that was a lovely post. Yes I felt a real connection with him and I felt it was mutual too(we even supported the same football team little things like that). I thought we could have been good for each other as we are going through the same thing (albeit at different stages). No one else has come close to him.

Also thank you @Angelofdeath and @pineappleonpizzaornot. It has been building for a while yes, so it was going to come pouring out.

Its also coming up to the anniversary of when my ex told me it was over (2 weeks time) so I struggle at this time of year.

@Eesha thank you too.

So met this date today (in the park) we got on well & agreed to another date. We've been messaging tonight and he says he's got a nice bottle of wine to share with me...sounds good to me I say and then it comes....."cool let me know when you're free and I'll bring it over." Turns out he lives with flats mates. So once again I'm expected to provide the place to go. And what's with inviting himself over? Surely it's gentlemanly to invite me to his or out on a date? Is that too much to ask???

Hi lovely ladies, I’ve been having a hiatus from OLD but have been checking in now and again to see what everyone is up to. Last night I downloaded the apps in a moment of boredom to see if any hot, interesting new guys have joined. Quick answer was: no!! Still lots of the same old faces, most of whom I’ve already swiped left on. One guy looked nice and sounded interesting and we matched but lo and behold when I logged in this morning he has unmatched me!

Sorry to hear you’re finding things hard isitreally. It’s tough when you feel a connection with someone and it doesn’t go anywhere. I find crying it out actually helps rather than holding all the hurt inside.

sharonJJ55 I think it is rude to invite themselves over! If they’re going to do that, the least they could do is offer to cook you dinner! Maybe it sounds a bit snooty but it would put me off someone if they lived with housemates. If someone is in their 40s I would expect them to own/ rent their own place.

Sorry to hear you're going through that @Isitreally77. I've been having a similar thing with a real life guy. Just when I think I'm getting over it I'm back there again. It's so hard. It's so stupid because it's all in my head.

I've been throwing myself into OLD again in an attempt to move on. I find it so easy to dismiss people though, which I'm sure it's because my mind is elsewhere.

Thank you @StarlightSparkle and @OutingMyself yes it feels hard as its all in my head. I was chatting with a friend last night, I said I felt really stupid as I was crying over someone who I had never met and that obviously I wasn't good enough to warrant a thanks for chatting etc message. My friend said he thinks Mr Computer Geek probably slept with his ex and is now even more confused and has taken the cowards way out (his comment wasn't as polite though). That has been my thought as well, I think he decided to give it another go with his ex or is thinking about it and instead of being honest with me has taken the easy way out and just cut contact with me.

Isit it's so hard and as others have said I don't think the strange way that life is at the moment helps.
I like you am so glad my gym has opened back up and I'm much happier this week as a result.
I too still think about Flaky even though we only had 2 dates and then he just blew me out of our planned date for no reason, although at least he had the decency to message to do it and didn't just disappear. I went on to Match to suspend my profile this week and his is suspended so maybe he did meet someone else, or has run out of women on there and gone hunting elsewhere!

Mr check and I have both suspended our apps and agreed we are seeing each other exclusively and will see how it goes. I do like him, I do fancy him and we really get on but the above Flaky is still in my head!
I don't like the going to each other's houses so soon, we've had no option as nothing was open but this week now things are we are going out, can't wait!
Weekend with my DC putting up all the tree and lights etc which is nice!

I came across a profile on another app for the guy I was chatting to (who seemed really nice) that said he was only up for casual sex and looking for someone to practice shagging with once covid was over. Lovely! I unmatched him.

@VivaVegas thank you. I stupidly messaged him last night. Nothing dreadful but I was in the gym yesterday and upped my weights and sat there and thought who would appreciate knowing that but Mr Computer Geek, as he was impressed last time I upped them. So I wrote out a message asking how he was and telling him I missed his messages and missed chatting to him, then telling him how I upped my weights. I spent all day considering whether to send it and in the end sent it last night. I doubt he will read it but I don't feel as upset about it all now, I still feel sadness when I think about him but it's not as painful as last week. I do worry that I'll bump into him one day though (I go out to the town he lives quite a lot and it's not that big) and worry about what I would say or do.

I really pleased you and Mr Check are going well.