Online dating in your 40s - Part 2

[StarlightSparkle]

New thread as I don’t think we are anywhere near done on this subject!

I've run out of people to nope through 😕

I'm waiting for him to read my message from earlier and when he replies I'm going to see if he wants to meet for a coffee/walk/drink. After all he didn't mind giving me his number and he has been messaging. If he wasn't interested he wouldn't have done that and would have unmatched before giving me his number.

Thanks for the advice everyone, I'm going to put my big girl pants on and just do it.

Has he read it yet?

I want to go to sleep now and suddenly have four new matches and four messages 🤨😁

Does everyone find that if you don't reply quick enough they just disappear?

Outingmyself that will be the sense of entitlement to an immediate reply.

Yes, you're probably right.

I've just had a guy unmatch me mid conversation. I barely had a chance to say anything wrong! 😁

Outingmyself he sounds charming

I matched with someone earlier today who was showing as located in the next city, checked later and actually lives 200 miles away. I asked what it was about and he said he was working in (next) city, I then asked if it was long term work, and he replied "No I get it when I can "

I'm guessing he's looking for short term week day shag and return to partner/ wife at weekends or some free accommodation with benefits. No thanks.

Well I asked, he read it and hasn't responded. Granted he read it at 11pm and I went to sleep straight after sending it. Maybe he thought 11 o'clock at night was a bit late to reply so will reply today (I can always dream). I asked if he wanted to meet for a drink/coffee/walk. I'm not blocked on WhatsApp or unmatched so there is still hope I suppose.

@Angelofdeath I thought I might wake up to a thanks but no thanks message or him not reading it at all. The fact he read it and hasn't replied is kind of frustrating. Although as you say he might be thinking about it.

@Angelofdeath

Gibbs Did you ever find out why the other man was special? (Just being nosy as there's nothing going on for me )

Outing I've had that! Being blocked mid conversation/leaving the site mid conversation. I hate it, makes you waste precious seconds wondering what's going on!

I had a message yesterday 'U r rly fit so sorry'... That was it. I resisted the urge to reply 'Yeah I'm sorry I'm so fit too

Haha, these guys are absolutely hilarious. So sorry

@Gibbsbasement

Outingmyself he sounds charming

I matched with someone earlier today who was showing as located in the next city, checked later and actually lives 200 miles away. I asked what it was about and he said he was working in (next) city, I then asked if it was long term work, and he replied "No I get it when I can "

I'm guessing he's looking for short term week day shag and return to partner/ wife at weekends or some free accommodation with benefits. No thanks.

Yuck. I've met guys like this working away with wives at home. I think it's very common.

@Angelofdeath

famous re previous post (health) I'm sorry you are struggling too, it's so difficult isn't it. The mental load & realising that you will never be the person you were, is enormous.. then we have to try & find somebody to date too! Onwards & upwards as what else can we do

I'm not talking to anybody. Brief chat with one from Scotland, I never answer those 300 miles away anymore but he sent a perfectly respectable opening message & I answered with 'Im bored so we can chat if you want but let's be realistic, we aren't going to meet'
Couple of messages, seemed normal, then I asked what restrictions he has, I said 'Ours is pretty much you can meet one person but be outside if you can & not too close' he came back with 'Nothing, we don't have any'. I said 'Ok' thinking I'm sure Scotland have restrictions... He then says 'So you know I could drive down, are you in bed right now?' idiot.

I googled his town & they are in tier 3. Feel a bit sorry for him that he has to try somebody 300 odd miles away to get a Shag

Yes @Angelofdeath it's a lot to come to terms with. Suddenly I have a few mmen on the go to chat to, two through 'real life' & one from the date app. The two from real are both lovely, similar interests, massive amounts of past and baggage etc, one very good looking, one average looks and the guy on the date site is an absolute hotty and so far sounds lovely. Its funny how things turn round. So be interested to see how things pan out. Currently I'm not awfully bothered, I barely have time for my own friends etc but it's nice to have some interest, especially when it's happened organically in the course of normal life!

@Isitreally77 - has he replied yet?
I just keep getting 1 worded messages like "stunning", or "gorgeous" - so frustrating.

Im hoping @Angelofdeath - you never know! Im not holding out loads of hope though as I will be staying at my Mums for a while until I get a place sorted. Its funny really, when I spit with my ex I ended up in a shared house whilst trying to get the money together for a deposit to put down on a place of my own, and I really didn't want to date as I thought I didn't have anything to offer anyone-I was reallly embarrassed of my situation, but when I got my own place and started dipping my toe in I realized that these me really have nothing to offer me, and from reading this thread they dont seem bothered of their situations, the ones who are still living with ex partners, or their parents (with no intention of moving out), the one guy I did like whose profile said he was a broker, own house and car turned out to have no job, no home and no car, yet the are so brazen about it and dont seem to care. Maybe its me I dont know, but when I hit rock bottom, I worked my ass off, got another job on top of my 40 hours a week, went without any luxuries, watched every penny I spent etc, so I had something to call my own.....men just dont seem to be like that....or the ones Ive spoke to anyway!

@Angelofdeath - When I met my ex he lived with his mum and had been there for over a year, he earned £3.5k a month and could have easily have afforded somewhere for him and his kids (he had them every other weekend) he preferred to buy motorbikes, and get into £13k worth of debt, that I spent the entire relationship helping him pay it back, when we split he only had £1k left and a lovely 3 bedroomed house full of new furniture that I had paid half towards him...I left with nothing, and he moaned when I asked if he could give me some money towards all the furniture I was leaving i told him to shove it up his arse....sorry excuse for a man!

@pineappleonpizzaornot and @Angelofdeath no answer yet. Trying to work out whether it's even worth a follow up message but I doubt it. Clearly I was a bit of a fool to think he would be interested. I'm having no luck with this dating business.

@Isitreally77 - aww Im sorry, well at least you know he probably just wanted a pen-pal, which isnt what you wanted....plenty more fish in the sea...or a tiny little puddle somewhere!!

@Angelofdeath @pineappleonpizzaornot totally agree with you both! The amount of men in their 30's who live back at their parents or in a house share is unbelievable

@Isitreally77 Why would you double text? If he wanted to reply and answer he would. I think you should bow out with dignity. If he was really interested in meeting he would have got back to you in a reasonable time. He's probably considering whether it's worth his time for a date or maybe 2 but he will soon realise that you are at different stages in your lives. Plus I find that men usually want younger women than ask themselves ( sad but true)

@Angelofdeath yes I think that's the key thing...."trying to get work." None of us would kick anyone when they're down if they've genuinely lost their job but it's the ones that live at their parents, or in a house share with no intention of really trying to find a job or better their position

I was talking to a nice guy who has his two boys live with him permanently. Both boys were at senior school and he wasn't working. When we discussed a potential date he said he could only meet up mon-fri when the boys were at school. I'm thinking...so no weekend dates, no evening dinner dates, no going back to his. He can purely can only date between 9am -2:30...I said he needs someone who's unemployed as most people are working then and how can he expect to start a relationship if he can't spare any time at weekends? I then got blocked!