Online dating in your 40s - Part 2

[StarlightSparkle]

New thread as I don’t think we are anywhere near done on this subject!

Isit my view is until you meet someone keep it light and don't get too invested in them as you never know if there will be any attraction until you do.

Can you suggest you meet sooner rather than later? Stops all the wondering what might be?

Gibbs I would be very wary as it's a strange one.

Have you asked him why he believes he's special?

@VivaVegas thank you. I'm trying to keep the conversation light (we were talking about football last night). I might broach the subject of meeting this week although I was kind of hoping he might suggest it(takes the pressure off me). Can't really do anything until this lockdown is over on Wednesday and then it's into Tier 2 restrictions (something neither of us were in before). I'm resisting the urge to answer his messages straight away and to keep messaging. I'm trying to let things flow naturally.

I got really invested in Mr Computer Geek and it became intense very quickly(on both sides). I do miss chatting to him, I hope he is doing okay and sorts himself out.

Viva yes, I'm wary, there were two evenings of rapid fire messaging from him interspersed with fewer replies from me.

I did ask about what made him special but he didn't really answer and changed the subject. I've not messaged over the weekend but I'm in two minds as to bother as the 'I am a special man' just seems strange.

I was wondering if anyone had come across it before and whether I was just being naive and it had a specific meaning.

Well, I have set my location on my app to my home town as I will be there from the end of this week...got 1 message saying "stunning", I read it and didn't reply, then he sent me a message saying "I tried"....in my opinion a 1 word message isn't really trying!
@Gibbsbasement - I think that is rather strange of him to say he is "special", sounds to me he thinks some God like creature...eugh!
@Isitreally77 - Im pleased you're chatting to someone else now

@pineappleonpizzaornot thank you. It feels nice to talk to someone else right now. Mr Computer Geek was and is nice but his situation is difficult, this one seems uncomplicated and was happy to swap numbers last night. Now I have to get past the age gap.

Glad you're trying at home too, I hope someone comes along that is just right for you.

Thak you @Isitreally77 - me too, but at the moment Im enjoying being happy with out someone, I dont feel that I NEED to be with someone right now, and Im a big believer that it will happen when its the right time. My ex was 7 years younger than me, and honestly it never mattered to either of us, we got right past that straight away, we just got on and that was all that mattered...I think all men stop growing any maturer after the age of 13 anyway

@pineappleonpizzaornot he's definitely not god like, well apart from a grey beard in one photo, he's just an ordinary looking man in his late 40's. I'll see if I can get to the bottom of it this evening

@pineappleonpizzaornot my ex was 7 years younger than me too and it didn't bother us. Maybe because this one is 14 years younger I can't help over thinking it but until we meet who knows. I don't act 43 and could probably out party most 29 year old anyway.

@gibbs he sounds like a total dick. Who puts on their profile "I'm a special man" Honestly we'll be the judge of that! I reckon he's dying for the moment to say something pathetic like he has a massive penis or is a tiger in bed. Yawn. Get rid

@Isitreally77 I've had second thoughts on my 29 year old. I'm 41 and I just think we are in different stages of our lives and at some point that's going to probably be the elephant in the room and will mean the end of the relationship. Plus he has a room in a house share and whilst I'm not shallow I would like to date someone who can at least invite me back to theirs without having to bypass 5 flat mates and use a shared bathroom

Onwards and upwards!

@sharonJJ55 yeah I don't know on this one. He seems nice and I know that if it went anywhere we would have that elephant in the room at some point. I can't imagine what his mother or friends would think of me😂

@Isitreally77

Can I get some advice please. So I've been speaking to Mr Gorgeous Eyes (decided that is what I'm calling him), he has been a nice distraction from Mr Computer Geek. I don't want to come across as a sad desperate middle aged woman or go through what I did with Mr Computer Geek (that was intense and I'm still trying to process it) so how do I play it cool without being too cool? How do I manage the right amount of chat without looking needy?

Be yourself and be upfront about what you want. Being anything other than yourself is a strain and can easily mean you end up with the wrong person as they're attracted to the fake you!

@famousforwrongreason thank you. Yes I'll always be myself. One of the questions that came up was why were we on Tinder and he said he would like to meet someone and see where it goes. The issue I have is obviously I want that too but I'm more wary because I've been married and am now separated (I suppose at some point that is going to have to be brought up, Mr Computer Geek guessed that I was so I never had to bring it up). Watch this young one run a mile when he realises that I'm a 43 soon to be divorced not got my shit together woman.

Urgh I messaged Mr Computer Geek last night asking if he was coming back because I don't think he is, the message is stuck on sent. He has either deleted the app (but not his account) that we use to message or his phone is off(he hasn't blocked me). First time one of my messages hasn't been delivered. Oh well I just wanted to know either way but I think that has confirmed it for me, shame he couldn't have been honest.

isit the thing is a lot of people are divorced or separated in their 40s so I think he'll probably expect it tbh. I think at this age most of us have got baggage for whatever reasons.

I have friends with big age gaps and it can work but at this stage I wouldn't overthink too much.

Get out and go for a walk and a coffee!

And time to forget about the other one, he's not worthy of your time!

Had 3rd date with Mr Check, was fun 😉
Have agreed we want to see each other again.
I think I now recognise the difference of what feels comfortable at this stage. The last 2 that went belly up were so over the top about how they felt about me at this stage whereas this is just nice, comfortable and yes we like each other and fancy each other but know we only just met so need to see how it goes. I didn't think I had been fully love bombed before but possibly I had or possibly it was the mentality of a shiny new thing and then once you've got it you're not interested anymore or with Flaky still looking to see if something 'better' might come along so never giving anyone a real chance.

@VivaVegas thank you yes I don't think Mr Computer Geek is worthy of my time, I'm obviously not worthy of his time.

I think I might suggest meeting for a coffee/walk later to Mr Gorgeous Eyes and see what he says. And yes I suppose you are right, it is kind of obvious that someone in their 40s is likely to be separated/divorced/out of a long term relationship, he is 29 not 19 so even he could have had a long term relationship.

Less over thinking is what I need to do now and just learn to enjoy it.

Meant to add glad Mr Check is going well.

Nothing new to report here...woke up to a message offering just sex! Least he was honest, I didnt respond! Would be nice to type out a nice message rather than "no thanks", kinda looking forward to going home and seeing who is about on the app what a silly thing to look forward to.
Im also starting swimming again nest week regularly now I will have more time and you never know the unthinkable might happen and I meet someone in real life!!

I've been speaking to a guy who is quite a bit younger than me. He only seems to reply at about 10pm, which is a bit out of sync with me atm. It almost seems like he's shy and it takes him that long to work up the courage to speak to me

Well my nice 29 year old still seems to be messaging, he hasn't suggested meeting yet. I'm a bit unsure whether to ask him or wait for him to ask me. My friend says wait for him to ask. Should I wait or just ask?

@Isitreally77 - ASK! Its 2020! if he says no, then you've lost bugger all, if he says yes then you have a date to look forward to

Isit if ive been messaging for a few days and it still good conversation I just ask if they'd fancy meeting up. At that point they either disappear/makes excuses or agree to it. To my kind I want to meet someone so I'd rather find out sooner or later if they're interested in anything more than messaging.

Seeing Mr Check again tonight, date 4, he's told me he's come off the apps. Will see how it goes, I'm wary as still a lot of getting to know each other but we get on, really laugh a lot and fancy each other so at this stage what wise can you ask for!
I've back at my gym now too which will make a huge difference to how I feel and give me something to do when I'm child free. Dreading bumping into Flaky there which is going to happen, I just need to make sure I'm looking my best- which clearly isn't at a gym 🤣

@Isitreally77 I think you should message if it's been a while. There's only so much that can be said by message.