Online dating in your 40s - Part 2

[StarlightSparkle]

New thread as I don’t think we are anywhere near done on this subject!

Welcome Fuzzy no ageism here, I'm 51 but started on here at 50 as there wasn't a 50s dating thread, I'm mostly dating men in their 40s though so I'm sticking around!

Outing I've had 3 walks and coffee dates and it's just not ideal, although for me I know pretty much instantly if there's any attraction for me. With regards to it being mad, it's pretty much been the only option during lockdown so it's that if nothing, so I don't think it's mad at all.

Have still been messaging mr check and had a call today (both of us have our kids this weekend). We are meeting on Monday evening , obviously at one of our houses again as no other option.
We both acknowledge it's not ideal and he said he'd love to be taking me out to dinner but can't. First 3rd date in a while, need to just relax and enjoy it and not overthink, easier said than done!

@Fuzzyduckduckyfuzz I personality and not attracted to short guys and I can't be alone because I've noticed that loads on men in OLD write "6ft as that seems important" so I don't think we're alone.

@Outing I don't see what option we have other than a walk somewhere & a park is as good as anywhere else. At least it feels fairly safe as it's in public

I've been OLD too long..have met way too many wrong'uns and a good quantity of flaky, fickle men too! I went on a date last year with a lovely guy but didn't pursue it because he's so much younger. I'm 41 and he's (almost) 30. He contacted me again this week. We met up today for a coffee and walk in the park and he is so lovely and says that I should forget the age it's just a number and that I don't look my age (bless him). What do you all think?

I think i might leave this one well alone @Angelofdeath.

I'm talking to another and I just can't get into the conversation. It just isn't flowing easily.

I've just written Mr Computer Geek a message (not going to send it) but it was just how I feel hurt that again he couldn't be honest with me and if his break was permanent he could have told me after all we are just two people chatting.

I think he seems to have taken the easy way out by saying he is having a break and then not being online. Why can't he just be honest with me. I told him how I was stood up and ghosted and how it made me feel so he he knew what this would do but I think he is doing the same thing right now. I may be wrong but I'm not so sure right now.

Re height I think some guys inflate it. I had a date last week with a guy who said he was 5ft 7. I am 5ft 4and I was the same height as him in flat boots.
Of the guys I've been on dates with that I've been attached to it seems to be 5ft 10 or 11 that feels good. I hate a date with a guy who was over 6ft and I felt uncomfortable.

Sharon if you like him then I would go on and see him. Although I guess you could be at different stages in your lives and want different things. Depends if that is an issue.

Ooh I met a guy this week. Not online, through friends, and a shared hobby.
we had a great time doing shared outdoor hobby with the others and went on afterwards just us two for a drinks walk.
Very very attractive, lots in common but still living with ex until he sorts himself out.
He made me laugh lots but for some reason, when he went in for a kiss I said no.
Possibly because of his current situation or maybe I'm a bit wary of guys at the moment.
So we parted company and he has not been in touch since.
I'm loath to contact him, I'm not joking when I say he's very good looking and despite not having
seen him naked I know what his body is like due to pics in said shared hobby group, he's unbelievably hot especially for a single man our age.
I look good clothed but am terribly out of shape due to my health issues. My body is a big source of shame and sadness for me because if I were well I'd have a strong health and fitness ethic, so maybe I was resistant because of that too.

I know that other women are interested and
I feel like if I contacted him I'd be part of a long list of women, plus I know that the ex he is living with still wants him back so I don't want to be part of the list!

I've just unmatched all my matches from yesterday. I just can't be bothered to make an effort. I also can't face putting myself through yet more chatting only to gain nothing from it. I can thank Mr Computer Geek for all this I suppose. I will eventually move on and I can almost predict the moment I do Mr Computer Geek will decide to come back from his "break".

@famousforwrongreason what is it with guys still living with their exes until they "sort themselves out", why don't they not date whilst in that situation.

@Isitreally77

I've just unmatched all my matches from yesterday. I just can't be bothered to make an effort. I also can't face putting myself through yet more chatting only to gain nothing from it. I can thank Mr Computer Geek for all this I suppose. I will eventually move on and I can almost predict the moment I do Mr Computer Geek will decide to come back from his "break".

@famousforwrongreason what is it with guys still living with their exes until they "sort themselves out", why don't they not date whilst in that situation.

Oh funny I unmatched all mine this week. Such a bore fest of intermittent and sporadic dullsville pulling teeth. And yes to the living with exes. I am pretty sure this one really wants him back too. I got involved in a couple of these types of weird scenarios when I was much younger and both times ended up with me as the heartbroken one! Did men just get really lazy?

@Angelofdeath

I suppose some people think of a park as a secluded area where you get the odd dog walker. The sort of park where I'm going to meet (if anybody ever wants to meet ) Is full of people even in winter. And it's a 'walk through' to the town centre. I'd much rather meet in a park than walk around a street where it's harder to distance too.

famous I'm glad you had a nice time though. I'll join you on the body situation, I've also got health things going on which are only making me look worse... It just kills your confidence doesn't it

sharon I say go for it as well. I nearly met up with one who was 29 once too. He looked & acted older & we had loads in common so once we started chatting I'd of guessed he was more my age so it made me feel that age wasn't an issue... We had a long time of messaging but ultimately there was a disagreement & he took such a childish view with that that it completely put me off.

Oh @Angelofdeath sorry to hear you have this too. Its really hard to get my head around, I've just moved up a dress size and got rid of the smaller clothes in order to take the pressure off. This guy was very complimentary though which I enjoyed. We're probably not as bad as we think, it's just we're used to being different and it's out of our control. Medication definitely hasn't helped along with middle aged hormones !

Parts of the park we went to were really quite deserted, and I still didn't get murdered or attacked! After sleeping on it I don't think I'm going to meet him again.

The only guys I've met haven't told me their heights in advance and luckily (because I'm 5'8!) have all been taller than me.

Do you all have full body photos on your profiles? I only have my face, mainly because I don't want to ask someone to take a million pictures of me until we get one I like. I'm too crap and the mirror picture thing and I also don't want my bed to be in the picture.

I matched with someone the other day and then realised I'd missed where he said something about wanting someone dominant on his profile. This was on Bumble so I just didn't bother messaging him, despite him using an extension. Its really not my cup of tea.

Morning ladies. Just caught up with all of the messages nodding along with everything you have written re dire matches and body confidence. I’ve lost nearly 3 stone this year but I’m still curvy and not toned or in shape at all - that’s next years plan - so I’m still worried about my body and how I might appeal once the clothes come off So far though in my survey of 2 it’s been fine 😂
Woke up to a very respectful first message on tinder saying he didn’t want to embarrass or offend but he was only interested in casual and would that be something I’m into. I was actually pleased he was honest as that’s what lots of them want but pretend otherwise! I politely declined.

I also have a coffee date later. We don’t have a park nearby so it’s going to be a petrol station coffee - I’m strangely excited for this horrific prospect! That’s what this bloody pandemic has done to me

I just matched with a 29 year old I'm 43(although I've been told by loads of people I look 35). He's quite hot, and he is messaging. I lowered my age limit this morning out of curiosity and extended my distance. Sorry Mr Computer Geek I hope you weren't expecting me to wait for you to sort yourself out

Hope your date goes well Mayzee and yes to dating in a pandemic, what a nightmare. So much better to be able to meet inside even if just for a coffee.

Good for you Isit I think a young distraction would do you good.

I quite like changing age ranges on Bumble and seeing what's out there!

So can I ask, when I start going into 2nd and 3rd date territory as I'm at now I don't bother going on the apps as I'd rather see where this goes and it just feels a bit wrong. I know we owe each other nothing but I don't see the point in looking for something else for now, unless of course when it invariably goes t*ts up!

To those with body confidence worries, remember blokes our age will not be in perfect shape and to be fair a lot seem to key themselves go. They are lucky if they get to share your body with you.

Thanks @VivaVegas he is still chatting, he seems nice.

@Angelofdeath

famous I've put on 3 stone since I had my youngest, I didn't just get a baby I got a whole load of health issues too. I'm glad he made you feel good anyway. Sadly, for me, if somebody tells me I look ok I think 'Yeah but they don't mean it!'

Outing I have 4 photos, 2 selfies (that took me ages to take one that I liked!) & 2 full length, sat down (I figure that is when I look my biggest so I'm just being honest with men there)
My kids took one of me sitting in the garden in the summer, just messing around, & I actually liked it so put it on

I was talking to a new one this morning, he seemed nice, perfectly respectable. Then he goes & says 'So are you dominating to your man?' me (alarm bells ringing) 'In what way?' him 'In bed'.

FFS.

Oh @Angelofdeath that's exactly what happened to me. I still really struggle to come to terms with it because none of that was the plan. Annd nowadays it feels like l the women on the date circuit are super fit hotbods, I probably have a bit of a warped view because my last longish relationship was with a guy who only dates hard bodied hot young women before me and was sneaking around behind me. I think he did want to be with me as a meeting of minds and to have a mature / same age partner but still wanted the thrill of youngsters in awe of him and super fit etc. Plus my husband avoided sex with me for years so it had a massive impact on my self esteem and body Confidence. He avoided me long before my body was wrecked and at o e point after kids I lost so much weight annd toned up annd genuinely looked amazing and he still wasn't interested, then I changed medication and we divorced and it all piled on again.. And of course In that time I've aged so much that even with a strict diet I struggle to lose a pound withoit serious exercise which of course, causes masses of pain!

So I've been chatting with the 29 year old all day, we've just exchanged numbers. He has the most gorgeous eyes. I can't help thinking a little bit of fun.

@Isitreally77

So I've been chatting with the 29 year old all day, we've just exchanged numbers. He has the most gorgeous eyes. I can't help thinking a little bit of fun.

How lovely! Have a lot of bit of fun!

@famousforwrongreason thank you. After all the issues with Mr Computer Geek maybe someone young and uncomplicated is the way to go. Not sure what he would see in me but who knows.

Can I get some advice please. So I've been speaking to Mr Gorgeous Eyes (decided that is what I'm calling him), he has been a nice distraction from Mr Computer Geek. I don't want to come across as a sad desperate middle aged woman or go through what I did with Mr Computer Geek (that was intense and I'm still trying to process it) so how do I play it cool without being too cool? How do I manage the right amount of chat without looking needy?

Hi,
New to the thread.

Can anyone give me a clue about "I'm a special man"?

I matched with someone and this sentence was on their profile, but a few messages into a conversation on the app he's said it again more than once and asked me if I'm special.

What does this mean?