Online dating in your 40s - Part 2

[StarlightSparkle]

New thread as I don’t think we are anywhere near done on this subject!

I seem to be getting a plethora of guys who have women as ‘best mates’, for some reason this is a big thing lately, and the last two guys I’ve been involved ugh had very weird boundaries with their women as best mates: they were all exes or people they’d slept with and still spending all their free time together, my longer term ex boyfriend lied to me so much about this including trips away with exes and not telling me they’d be there etc so I’m possibly more sensitive than usual to it but is this a thing now?
It’s one thing guys having women as friends but I seem to be getting ‘best friends’, any online chat always seems to reach a point where they’re off to diner with best woman friend or a night out / night in and regular proclamations about said best friend and almost bragging about it like it’s a cool thing, also feels like a bit of a challenge although that might be me projecting!

Afternoon ladies, well I didnt send one message to anyone over the weekend....and I didnt receive any either....boo hoo!
On a brighter note, work have allowed me to wfh on a permanent basis yay!! So I am now looking to move 65 miles back to my home town to be near family...can not WAIT!!
So, Im not reallly looking on the apps at the minute as it seems a bit pointless.
@VivaVegas - sounds like you date went well
@Angelofdeath - Mr Tall sounds like a bit of a plonker! Did he message over the weekend anything more than 1 word messages!?

@famousforwrongreason I'm best friends with my ex (he gave me advice about Mr Computer Geek the other day and cooked me lunch yesterday) and as he said we were together for 14 years we just couldn't stay together it doesn't mean we can't be friends. I would drop everything if he needed me and he would do the same. After the car accident the other day he was the first person I called and he dropped everything and came to me. If and when anything happens with Mr Computer Geek or anyone else they would need to understand that friendship.

@Angelofdeath

famous I've had bad experiences there too. Two with a 'best mate ex' who then got back together, & one with a 'best mate ex' who used to spend all his spare time there, including showing her my texts, & being there when he said he wasn't.

I havnt noticed it being a thing on OLD but there are several with loads of pics with the same woman. It does put me off tbh.

pineapple Yay, they said yes! So happy for you
No I havnt heard any more. The short messages were what worried me in the first place. I get that some people don't like to text but if it's going to be such a long wait until you meet then you need a little something don't you!

Yeah it's a weird one, I have a 'good enough' Co parenting relationship with my ex husband and we used to do a lot together as a split family but I've really pulled back since he got into a serious relationship as I feel it'd be unfair on her and I wouldn't want someone feeling uncomfortable on my account. I think remaining friends when you share kids is much more understandable and easier for a new partner to accept than people who are literally connected because they had a sexual connection. It often seems like a game that exes play to prove how mature they are. Both times with recent relationships, their relationships and communications with other women didn't change in the slightest with my introduction to the dynamic and each time I left, their relationship stayed the same, it was as though I'd never existed. I think the thing that bothered me, particularly in the longer relationship I had is their level of intimacy and knowledge of each other and their lives, it was never me he'd come to first with problems or good news and was constantly doing favours for one ex but never able to find time or energy to help with anything I needed doing. His other ex was a whole other story and really broke my heart when I found out he was going to see her behind my back and hadnt told me because was waiting to see if there was still 'a spark'. I was absolutely gutted as we'd been planning a future.

[quote Isitreally77]@famousforwrongreason I'm best friends with my ex (he gave me advice about Mr Computer Geek the other day and cooked me lunch yesterday) and as he said we were together for 14 years we just couldn't stay together it doesn't mean we can't be friends. I would drop everything if he needed me and he would do the same. After the car accident the other day he was the first person I called and he dropped everything and came to me. If and when anything happens with Mr Computer Geek or anyone else they would need to understand that friendship.[/quote]
Do you have kids together? I guess we're all different, I don't tend to keep exes in my life.
If we still got on, I am happy to hang out with the should it arise as part of a group in future or bump into each other but I would be very wary of slipping into something sexual again as its so easy, knowing what makes each other tick, familiarity etc.
If I don't fancy them anymore is usually because they turned out to be horrible, I which case I wouldn't even want to hang out on a casual occasional basis!

@famousforwrongreason no kids. We share the same friends and always said that we would remain friends so our friends didn't have to choose who to invite to parties etc. He has had girlfriends since me and they know about me. I've not had any boyfriends because I've just not found anyone that I like enough. Our marriage wasn't good in many ways and it took a lot of time(forgiveness) and space to get to where we are. I always say I can walk away if he is a dick to me now. Talking to him about Mr Computer Geek last week I got a high five from him for getting myself back out there. It works for us but definitely no chance of going back there it wasn't good the first time nothing will have changed.

@Isitreally77 you sound so balanced. I'm still seeing my last old option, I know that doesn't sound rite but we are not in a relationship so I'm not sure how to word it. I'm at a cross roads now....he is very kind and respectful of me and my situation. He doesn't pressure me but has made it clear from his end he would like to be in a relationship with me. I really do like him and although we have met 5 or 6 times and still haven't dtd theres very strong physical chemistry there. I'm definitely not ready to tell my kids I'm in a new relationship especially my 15yr old daughter as it's not even a year yet. He knows this and is ok with it but I really dont want to hurt him or mess him around. I think I would miss him though as we are in contact a lot every day. Any advice?

Ah @LuckyLinda3 I wish I was actually balanced but it's taking all my self control to not message Mr Computer Geek (I literally have the message written out ready to send). I miss his messages so much and constantly check my phone to see if he has messaged, I only hope he does come back once he has sorted himself out and we can progress to something more.

If you like him and he is prepared to wait and take it slow then go for it. If he makes you happy surely it's worth the risk. Enjoy what you have, take each day at a time.

We all have our fears and we aren't perfect but this is something that makes us who we are (I told Mr Computer Geek this when we were having one of our more emotional exchanges).

Thank you @Angelofdeath regarding my work situation, I am so happy that I can go back home, so now currently looking for removal men and a storage unit for all my things, think I will have a month at my Mums before looking for a house....this will be the 6th time Ive moved this year!! Goodbye 2020!!!
I have actually been speaking to someone since last night...I will call him Mr Navy, but Im really not sure, we did swap numbers, and he messaged me on Whatsapp straight away, but I felt like I was in an interview, he is quite blunt, with his messages, and his pic on Whatsapp is a pink teddy bear holding a heart lol! He is originally from Brazil so maybe thats how they are?? He asked what I was looking for and I thought oh god here we go....so I said a relationship and I asked him the same, and I got quite a long reply stating that he wants a kind hearted woman, to fall in love with and share the rest of his life with (This was on the dating app)....we moved to Whatsapp shortly after....and he asked me my name lol....it is on my profile, so I haven't answered that question! Dont know whether to carry on messaging and see if I warm to him or not? He has messaged me this morning asking how I am.....Does he sound weird lol??

@Angelofdeath thank you. Yes I'm enjoying spending time with him but I think you are 100%, although id like it it's just too soon for something serious. That said I have no doubts about him in the sense that unlike others he isint constantly on his phone and messages every morning and it continues on and off through the day whether hes at work or not. He hasn't rushed me sex wise and has asked me if I want him to delete his profile. O said no but it was nice all the same. We have a good laugh and I get the real sense hes genuine so I'm kinda thinking those men are rare...

thanks @Angelofdeath - Its the teddy bear pic thats put me off - Its very girly lol! He has messaged a couple of times this morning, so he hasnt ghosted....yet! Ill carry on with the messages and see if he we can get a bit of "bants" going .
He wasnt blunt as in rude, just kind of straight to the point, which is fair enough, hes asked me a few questions which is good, and looks wise I actually find him attractive!
Hes just messaged me again, and Im not sure if his english is great, I mean I can understand what he is saying but its not in the right context....Im not sure now
@LuckyLinda3 - He sounds very nice, good luck!!

Morning ladies:) @LuckyLinda3 it sounds like you have a good one there. I wouldn’t be rushed to serious too fast but I wouldn’t let telling or rather not telling the kids hold you back either of you want to tentatively progress things. I have 3 kids 10-15 years and I won’t be telling them anything about anyone for a long time. That’s assuming I ever get anyone to stick long term 😂
@pineappleonpizzaornot I am delighted you got your move. Imagine all those new faces you’re going to see on the apps
@Isitreally77 there was a really good discussion yesterday on the main dating thread about ‘waiting’ for people to be ready etc. I’ve been stuck in a bit of limbo with my last iron so it’s helped me hugely.
@Angelofdeath your humour is great! Maybe now that you are potentially covid riddled they’ll all come out of the woodwork- typical timing and all
I was messaging 3 men last night simultaneously on pof (bored 😆) and this was how it went:
Man 1 : ‘you need cuddles? Kisses? Like being touched? By me now’ .....eh no thanks
Man 2 : ‘want to watch me wank?’ Yes just setting up my webcam here
Man 3 : lovely dress sense usual compliments etc etc then ‘I insist when we meet that you wear stockings and heels’ and ‘here’s my number move to WhatsApp now’ - yes sir
I would give up but have started chatting with a lovely guy who seems normal, non - sleazy and lives relatively nearby. He has suggested a walking coffee date for this weekend instead of the usual can I come to yours for sex that I keep getting lately! So I’ll obviously meet him and won’t like him or something because he’s not bastardy enough

How many emotions in my last post

Thank you ladies! Great to be able to vent here!

Hes asking if Im looking to marry someone

Visa hunter alert 😂

@Mayzee thanks have just had a quick read, interesting and yes being stuck in limbo is not good. I might message him later, I know everyone says not too but no harm in sending a message asking how he is. I just have to word it so I'm not looking needy or arsey (although my stroppy messages seem to get a response from him ).

@Mayzee - Not bastardy enough lol! I know what you mean, Mr Navy is being really nice actually, but I am thinking "why arent you asking for sex?!". Your messages from POF sound fucking vile....what the actual fuck is actually fucking wrong with these fucking morons so sorry for my language

Im really not sure how to deal with Mr Navy...I need some help! Hes asking me what I want in a man, and that he wants to settle down, and hes looking for the same as me, and hes been lonely for a long time.....agghhhh! Wheres the bants Mr Navy, I dont know how to deal with all this serious "I wasnt to settle down, and find a lovely woman, who wont hurt me"....HELP LADIES

want* not wasnt!