Online dating in your 40s - Part 2

[StarlightSparkle]

New thread as I don’t think we are anywhere near done on this subject!

@Angelofdeath thank you. I know what you mean. Not sure where they exist though.

@pineappleonpizzaornot I messaged Mr Computer Geek first, I was a bit abrupt. I mean what can you say to someone whose photos consist of nothing but topless and nude headless photos other than "why the photos" . It worked with him, others I've messaged first but they seem pretty flat and consist of hi how are you. I'm not very original.

@Isitreally77 - I tend to steer clear of the topless/body photos...it just shouts player to me....Obviously Mr Geek wasnt completely nude???
There nis one guy I quite like the look of, we matched about a week ago, neither of us have messaged, do you think it looks a bit odd to message now?

@pineappleonpizzaornot give it a go - nothing to lose - I sometimes relook at matches and decide maybe they are worth a message after a few days - they are rarely worth the message but still
I have matched with 3 guys on tinder today all called Jason obviously a popular name for boys in the 70’s .....or a popular fake name on tinder 😂 One of them was lovely and v handsome- had a brief chat but he’s too far away

I've no idea how Tinder works as never used it. All my dates except this weeks have come from Match.

If I match with someone I will sometimes message first but usually wait until they message me. If someone likes me I will sometimes go back through and see if there's anyone I like and then match, so I don't think there's any harm in doing that.

Have agreed where for Saturday's date, so not liking the walk and coffee scenario. I definitely think this one would be more fun in a bar with wine, but that usually gets me into trouble so maybe it's for the best! So tricky to look your best though 🤔

@pineappleonpizzaornot nope Mr Computer Geek was completely nude just his hand covering it. I should have swiped left but something made me swipe right. I wish I hadn't as life would be so much easier right now.

I was chatting with my ex about Mr Computer Geek last night (yes we have that kind of relationship now), I told him everything. It was actually good to get a man's perspective and a man that has been through it. He turned round and said no he is not ready(hence the cancelled dates) and whilst he is still living with the ex we can't anyway. He suggested that we take the dating out of the equation, it's obvious he makes me smile, and we should just have some fun for now and stay in the friend zone, if things develop once he has sorted himself out then great. He said I probably clicked with him as I've been through what he is going through so we understand each other. I told him about my bollocking him after he stood me up and how he replied and he said that shows he knows when he needs to apologise. He also told me not to worry that he hasn't been in touch for a couple of days (I hope he is right on that one).

Haha I was chatting to a guy and have been for weeks on and off. I suggested we meet for a socially distanced walk to see whether we're compatible as friends or something more and he replied 'I'm only in the market for friends at the moment' I have wasted precious minutes wondering whether I might fancy him or not 😂

@Angelofdeath I normally never go for the topless ones either. He has been the only one, he did send me a fully clothed one when I asked and I said his profile pictures don't do him justice as they make him look shallow when from talking to him he isn't.

I don't know, I'm still hoping he replies to me. Otherwise it's obviously not going anywhere anyway.

@Angelofdeath

I've never been on a swiping one but pineapple sometimes men message me when I've seen them around for a good few months first, & I do feel a bit like 'Well I'm obviously 2nd choice.' I still speak to them tho just in case, as they weren't first choice for me either! Did you message him?

So the new ones on mine, first one
'I'm a nice man, I like going pub, I'm a nice man, I like computer & fishing, I'm a nice man. My friends say I'm nice. I like watching movies and I'm nice person'.

(Can just imagine his mum saying to him 'Just tell them you are a nice person dear' )

2nd one.
'I like pub, footie, cycling, pub again, relaxing at home, then seing my kids. In that order'.

So nice he's gotta say it twice. Oh no, thrice, oops, nope, there's another one

[quote Isitreally77]@Angelofdeath I normally never go for the topless ones either. He has been the only one, he did send me a fully clothed one when I asked and I said his profile pictures don't do him justice as they make him look shallow when from talking to him he isn't.

I don't know, I'm still hoping he replies to me. Otherwise it's obviously not going anywhere anyway.[/quote]
I've learned over time that my first impression is usually the right one.

I think men are rubbish with their bios, probably as they generally don't read ladies and just look at the photos!

First impressions are probably true, when Flaky liked me, I didn't like him as thought he looked a bit smarmy, He liked me again the morning after a date where there was no spark so I decided to match with him, his opening message to me was jut 'xxx'. I did respond that it was the shortest opening message ever! when I asked him about himself he said he was 'a nice guy' and was pretty vague. When we moved to WhatsApp the first thing he did was send me a load of selfies: top off/legs/his house/his car/one with his tongue out. All stuff I hate, he then asked how he was doing, several times! Suggested coffee several times, never committed to when, then disappeared for 2 weeks, after which I'd found out more about him via a friend, said to myself, don't go there, he's not your type anyway, but I did and look what happened.

I am still fascinated by him and read back through his messages and he was constantly looking for validation, did i like him, what did I think when I first saw him etc etc
I honestly think he must have self esteem issues or just need an ego boost. Weird, I hate not having closure on stuff so it annoys me that I didn't ask him why he did what he did! I need to get over it!

And tomorrow's date has just messaged so maybe he will be my knight in shining armour! Unlikely but he's doing ok so far! Only time will tell.

Arghhh I hit my first target weight this morning and proved Mr Computer Geek wrong when he said I couldn't lose 4lbs by the end of lockdown and have lost my first stone. I just want to tell him but I'm resisting the urge to message so if (and when) he replies I don't look like some sad deranged stalker that has sent him loads of messages(I've sent him 3, one asking how he was after his op, one about the gyms and a picture of my cat sat in front of my laptop camera as I was in a meeting). I'm trying to stay positive that he will reply (he hasn't been online yet) but as the hours go by I'm feeling more and more deflated and thinking the chances are getting slimmer. I keep thinking as he hasn't been online there is still hope.

Morning Ladies, well I went through my matches and I didnt message anyone, the one I thought I liked worked part time at Dominoes, I know I shouldn't judge, but then that is what OLD dating is all about isnt it?
I must match with these people when Im pissed, because I didn't like any of them - not enough to strike up a conversation anyway .
@Isitreally77 - S Mr Geek, had a naked photo, lives with ex and has cancelled every date, he sounds like he has issues! I think it says a lot about a person when they put a naked photo on, and its not attractive to me.
@VivaVegas Im on Match too, I actually have signed up to pay the monthly fee and I never go on it, maybe I should?
Im going to try hard this weekend to have a proper look through and at least get one message to someone
@Angelofdeath - didnt you message Mr Nice back, he sounds really....nice
Woke up to one message that said "youre stunning" - I really dont know how to respond to message like that, they make me cringe, and he had a noce stud too, I find that a bit feminine on a man, I dont mind a nose ring, but not a stud! And I cant do any other facial peircings....my Mum wouldn't like it

nose*

@pineappleonpizzaornot you sum it up so well. I know he has issues, but he said from the start he didn't know what he wanted and has been honest about his issues, I also don't know what I want.

I'm just going to leave this one now as I think the past 3 days of silence kind of show me he isn't interested. It's a shame but it is what it is.

Watch this space @Angelofdeath...I will have a boyfriend by Sunday lol , and yeah the "You are ...."messages always lead to vomit sexts from a complete stranger . Did you hear anything back re your date with Mr Tall?
@Isitreally77 - I would leave Mr Geek well and truly in the arsehole pile

Thanks @pineappleonpizzaornot, typical he messaged me earlier on saying he had been taking a break from social media but will be back. Whether I'll still be here waiting for him is another thing.

I'm at work so can't start swiping otherwise I'll have people too far from home. Looks like my Friday night will consist of gin and swiping.

Morning!
Yesterday's date was nice. Apart from the fact it rained just after we met which wasn't forecast and made my hair go mental! Seriously this walking and coffee first date scenario is far from ideal!

Anyhow we found somewhere to sit undercover until it stopped.

He was attractive, funny, normal and we are very similar in our views and outlook. He walked me to my car and I gave him a peck (could easily have snogged him but not venue appropriate and that's got me into trouble before!).

We agreed we'd like to see each other again. I am wary after getting my fingers burnt with flaky but he did message me later to say the same thing.

Trouble is due to our different childcare schedules for weekends and we both work full time we can realistically only see each other in the evening and obviously nowhere is open.

Night hike or invite him round my house - what a nightmare!

I give up, so far this morning I've had you're sexy, just a heart and you're so beautiful. where are all the decent men at the moment? I'm also seeing the same faces over and over again.

I've not heard from Mr Computer Geek since Friday so obviously he is still on his break.