Hes broke it off because I don't put out enough

[Littlesparrow0]

Long story short I've been with my partner 17 years and we've two small kids together under the age of 3. Our sex life hasn't been great since having them for a number of reasons. I just be so exhausted come bed time, my 3 yr old is full of energy and my 2 yr old is showing signs of autism according to pediatrician which I can also see myself. Each day is very hard work when I'm home alone with them. My 2 yr old can be hard work even on a good day. I never get stuff done during the day so once they go to bed I tidy up and get stuff in order for the following day and then spent an hr or two catching up and making time for my partner I never get a minute just to myself.
Yesterday I had a pretty exhausting day and my form just wasn't great, I was feeling pretty down. Last night was informing my partner that our 2 yr old has hospital appointment to have bloods taken as they want to check for genetic disorders in 2 weeks. He flipped at me and told me I wouldnt be taking her for them because of covid and to cancel the appointment. I just sat in silence while he was having a go at me (its what I do now because he's the type of man you cannot have a civilised conversation with)
He started telling me I was a bad mother because I'm putting our kids at risk of covid by bringing our child to the hospital fir these tests which he has made me cancel 3 times already. I cant see the pediatrician again until she has results of our child's blood work. Told him I would cancel again and explain why but he just continued to have a go.
In the end up i decided it was best just to leave the situation and go to bed couldnt take the put downs anymore and the fact that he has the final say on everything. Since I've had the kids I dont even feel like I'm a proper mum, I don't have a say on anything despite what he says.
Went to bed and he sent me a message saying thanks a lot. Shortly after he came upstairs raising his voice about how I never put out for him anymore said he could count on his one hand how many times we've done it since the kids have came along. That im not worth the hassle anymore, there's nothing special about me and he doesn't need me in his life. Cursed at me told me I was a cold hearted bitch because he has to ask for sex or oral etc. Just got really nasty with me.

If I'm being honest I've known for a while that this is a controlling relationship and since having the kids ive been isolated even more. Cant take my kids to my parents house, only to his parents and with covid at the min I'm not allowed to take them to the park or into a shop etc. We basically have no life whatsoever, so yes thats put a massive dampener on me finding him attractive anymore. I just can't cope with his behaviour anymore and how I'm expected to just give sex to him every night. Plus my body has changed massively since having the kids I feel disgusting and really unattractive and thats affecting my mood during sex too. I've explained all of this to him.
But its every single night he wants some action. Most times I just do it for an easy life even though I'm hating every min of it and when I dont do it he huffs and puffs and gives off that I dont pay him enough attention. Apparently sex is how you show a man how much you love and care for them!

So hes told me were finished and that I've to find another house for me and the kids. Some of the stuff he said to me has really upset me. So I'm now worried about how ill cope with two small kids and money and try and keep a roof over our heads, plus there really is nothing on the rental market where I live. There's about 40-50 applications per house when they come up. No idea what I'm going to do. Plus this relationship has really messed up my head and made me think really badly about myself. He has threw up stuff about my past etc which he knows really upsets me and now I'm basically just believing all he has said and that no one likes me or can trust me etc

My nerves are all over the place now this morning and the kids are going nuts on me. I just want to curl up in a ball and die

[BettyFloop]

I agree with SandyY2K

How are you Littlesparrow? Please be careful xx

[AgentJohnson]

You are much stronger than you think and the person you were before this arsehole is still in there, you wouldn’t be on MN if she wasn’t. I know it doesn’t feel like it now but those tight knots in your stomach are the beginnings of freedom for you and your babies. However, when your arsehole realises that you’re better off without him, he might re tighten his grip and you will need to be strong.

The quiet life always has a price and the price (isolation, coerced sex etc) is too damn high. Contact with Women’s Aid is the priority right now, they will have the expertise to support you to get you away (hopefully by staying in your home)

Keep talking to us, we are here for the small set backs as well as the victories. This is an opportunity for you and your kids to have the life that you deserve and that can not happen if you stay with a man who only thinks of himself.

[Iris27]

This is one of the most awful situations I've ever read on here. He is crushing your spirit and will do the same to your kids. Life will be so so much better without him.

Get the advice of women's aid and the council. I would say if you need to leave the house just do it, whatever is going to be easiest or fastest to get away from him.

I honestly don't know how you've coped being trapped in the house with 2 little ones, no matter all the other stuff on top. You're a much stronger person than me. Use that strength OP x

[Runningdownthathill]

Would your ore ra take you and the children in? If so I would just leave and don’t look back. Do as others say and contact Women’s Aid and let the council know you e left because of an abusive situation. You should then be a priority to rehouse. You and your kids will be much better off without this awful man. He’s destroying your self belief and does not appear to love or care for you or his children. All the things you describe are classic signs of coercive control. Pleas please don’t stay. He’s abusive and he’s bringing you down. Most of all this is not a good or happy home for your children.

[Runningdownthathill]

Your parents

[Marmaladegin]

Do not move. He needs to go. Good luck

[Nikori]

Sorry if you have already answered this, but can you go and stay with your parents for a bit until you are on your feet? I think it would be helpful for you to have some family support.

[tobedtoMNandfart]

He's a Grade A Cunt.

Try not to worry about what he tells people.
He can tell the world you didn't put out enough.
You can tell the world he walked out on his kids (if you wish).

People aren't stupid.

[gingerbreadfox]

Be strong OP, you CAN get through this. You deserve so much better than the way he is treating you. I very rarely comment on these LTB posts but you really need to get out and not look back. Start over, build a new life. Your future self will thank you for it

[BlueThistles]

🌺

[Choconuttolata]

Do not leave your flat, speak to your housing officer on Monday (they are used to this kind of situation and can help you as they have contacts with all the local DV services).

[AntiHop]

We are all here holding you hand. The good thing is that you recognise this as an abusive relationship.

[carreterra]

@Littlesparrow0

I genuinely believe throughout the years the stuff he has said to me. I really do feel as if other people really dislike me. Hes made me question when I've been "over friendly" with other men we know just by saying hello or a wave. Im expected not to speak to them because I flirt! Just so much stuff has been said to me over the last while and so much dragged up that I'm at rock bottom. I dont think ill ever believe anything different

Littlesparrow0 I know exactly what you mean, my "housemate" ordered me not to speak to any of our neighbours, mostly because he has rowed with almost all of them over parking. He said it was disloyal of me to speak to any of them !! OP, you have taken the first step by asking advice on here, so don't listen to any more of his put downs. He has put you down for so long, you have started to believe it. Well, now you are no longer under his control, know your worth. As previous posters have said, seek advice from Women's Aid, not easy as they are very busy with enquiries, especially under lockdown, but keep trying. Also, Citizens Advice, keep trying there too, even if it's telephone advice under current rules. You sound like a great mum, by the way, just regard him as an unwelcome house guest until you can get him out of the house. Best wishes to you and your children. I'm going to play Dolly Parton's "Little Sparrow" now, thinking of you,

[gubbbbbddaaaa]

Don't leave if it's a joint tenancy! Let him get a private rent ! What a loser ! I hate the entitlement of men's needs !!🙄🙄🙄