OP I know you feel like shit now and this is awful for you, but honestly, him fucking off will do you the biggest favour ever.
DO NOT LEAVE YOUR HOME I can’t stress this strongly enough. The council will be the ones who decide who needs the house, and a mother with 2 DC, one of whom has suspected SEND will have precedent over a single man every day of the week.
I think you would be well advised to call either Womens Aid or your local domestic abuse service. This man is clearly abusive and unpredictable. Ask them for whatever support and advice they can offer. The more agencies that have your back the better and you’ll need all the support you can muster.
Do not cancel your DS’s bloods. His continually forcing you to cancel is a form of abuse in itself, both towards you and the DC.
Call the council and explain what is happening, tell them you have contacted Womens Aid or similar and see what they say. This is where Womens Aid or the local domestic abuse service will come in very helpful.
If he kicks off again please call the police. he doesn’t have to be beating the shit out of you, if he makes you feel threatened or intimidated then call them. Again, records of police reports or involvement will come in very useful.
I very much suspect OP that he won’t make any moves to end the relationship, and he certainly won’t move out. His outburst is designed to put the fear of god into you and force you to give him what he wants. I think you would be well advised however to take him at his word and mae efforts to have him removed from your home, otherwise he’s just going to stay around abusing you and your DC and making your life a living hell.
You are worth more than this OP. You might have been convinced that you aren’t but you most definitely are. Even if you’re the nightmare from hell, which I do not believe for a second that you are, if your H doesn’t like you he should be moving out himself. What sort of a person stays with someone they don’t like unless they are getting some serious benefits from doing so? None, so you have to ask yourself what benefits he derives from remaining with a person he so clearly dispises?
There is a very good book called ‘Why Does He Do That’ by Lundy Bancroft. I very much recommend you read this book OP. You will come away with a much greater understanding of what’s going on than any Mumsnet thread can provide you with. I’m not deriding the relationships board here, far from it, there are some very wise women on here, but the book will take you through everything and provide you with a true picture of what is happening. It’s actually a very useful book for everyone, not just women in abusive relationships.
Please try not to think this means your world will end OP, because it most certainly won’t. Try to reframe it as an opportunity and the push you need to get rid of this toxic man. you aren’t the first person to go through this and you won’t be the last, sadly, so keep posting on here, try some of the things suggested and take control.
Good luck OP. You are a far stronger and more powerful woman than you realise, and nobody has the right to convince you otherwise.
Oh, and as for him telling people terrible things about you. Well, there’s an easy way around that, you bloody well tell them first. Tell them what a shy he is and how he treats you. Unfortunately there will be people who minimise it or who back away, but it’s always good to find out exactly who your friends are. Some people might surprise you, in fact I bet people will have already guessed.