@WizardOfAus
There’s also this checklist from the website.
Hallmarks of Wife Abandonment Syndrome
- Prior to the separation, the husband had seemed to be an attentive, emotionally engaged spouse, looked upon by his wife as honest and trustworthy.
2.The husband had never said that he was unhappy in the marriage or thinking of leaving, and the wife believed herself to be in a secure relationship.
3.The husband typically blurts out the news that the marriage is over "out-of-the-blue" in the middle of a mundane domestic conversation.
4.Reasons given for his decision are nonsensical, exaggerated, trivial or fraudulent.
5.By the time the husband reveals his intentions to his wife, the end of the marriage is already a fait accompli and he often moves out quickly.
6.The husband’s behavior changes radically, so much so that it seems to his wife that he has become a cruel and vindictive stranger.
7.The husband shows no remorse; rather, he blames his wife and may describe himself as the victim.
8.In almost all cases, the husband had been having an affair.
9.The husband makes no attempt to help his wife, either financially or emotionally, as if all positive regard for her has been completely extinguished.
- Systematically devaluing the marriage, the husband denies what he had previously described as positive aspects of the couple's joint history.
Exactly what happened to me in my first marriage.
My ex told me 2 days before we were due to leave on holiday with friends, late in the evening. He said he didn’t love, he wasn’t sure he ever had, he wanted a divorce, to sell the house...after 13 years of marriage, and 20 years of knowing each other.
He’d been so sweet the previous couple of weeks, as I told him I had a feeling something, somewhere was dreadfully wrong, but couldn’t put my finger on it. He’d been promising me the world.
2 days later, he marched me to the bank,and I got a new account. No money in I it. He moved in with the OW after I found them a flat. I just wanted him gone.
The holiday, well, he gave that to people in his office. After he moved out, I asked him to phone me if he wanted to come round. I couldn’t have him marching into my safe space again. I used to put cornflakes under the door mats, so I’d know if he’d been in!
My counsellor after this told me that it was clear that my older and wiser self had been taking over. I’d put emotion aside during the first few days, after lots of howls, and photocopied every document in our filing cabinet. The stupid arse had his solicitor’s advice sent to our address, and I inadvertently (🤥) opened. I was absolutely devastated inside. When I did see him, rarely, he would show pics of his new woman on his phone.
I ended up with half of everything, and did the divorce myself, as it was fairly straightforward, no children.
He’s on wife number 4 now.😁
OP, you’re doing brilliantly. You are getting excellent advice here, and hope you’re getting plenty of support in RL too. Be gentle with yourself, and keep your mind on the prize...a new life for you and your children. I’m horrified that he has treated his kids like this, let alone his treatment of you. He is clearly deluded and callous, if he thinks this is the sort of behaviour anyone would, be able to forget about to continue a relationship.
A big hug to you, OP, I’m following your story with understanding, and sending you positive energy💓.
You go girl! Your children are lucky to have a mother like you to keep them safe and secure in such a time of turmoil.