I spent £5

[KitKat500]

Hello all

Yesterday my OH and I got into it over £5.

Basically, we have a budget for our monthly groceries which we put away in a pot at the beginning of each month. This money covers all food and drink needed for our family for the month. Some months we spend less and other months we go slightly over.

Anyway... I took £5 out and purchased a few bits and bobs such as pasta, pasta sauce, veg, fizzy drink, garlic baguette and crisps.

My OH noticed money was missing from the pot and questioned me if I’d taken it, to which I responded yes I’d bought some bits and pieces. (His approach was very negative, he was clearly angry)

I then showed him the receipts (I had kept them as I knew he would bring it up at some point, he’s very tight, a total miser who keeps tabs). Instead of toning down his voice and adjusting his horrible attitude he continued and scolded me about how it was an unnecessary spend. He said the things I’d bought weren’t really needed and we could have done without them. (He ate the pasta the previous day, drank the fizzy drink too)

My view on food and his view on food is very different. He’s happy to eat from what we have at home but if I feel like cooking something up I’ll happily go and buy the ingredients and cook it. I don’t restrict myself, never have in the department of food. If you have the means I don’t think you should live like you don’t.

I was embarrassed, he humiliated me. Made me explain myself over a £5 spend. I was absolutely mortified and I’m aware this is financial abuse.

For all those who will say “just leave him” - we have a child to raise together and that’s not quite the solution I’m after.

I’m just disgusted with him, money isn’t an issue for us. We both work. He’s just a total tight man, everything starts and finishes with money for him. I’m not an excessive spender, I’m good with money but when it comes to food and drink I don’t restrict myself.

Well, if you’re not leaving him, I guess it’s time for buY-something-every-day-until-he-apologises
Text him
We are not starving and we both get to decide how to spend money. Speaking to me like that is totally unacceptable. Im buying something extra every single day until you want to have a reasonable conversation in which you remember I’m an adult and your partner. You wouldn’t speak to a work colleague like that. Im looking forward to some extremely guilt free shopping extras, that ridiculous abuse from you was the last straw with going along with how tight you are.

And if dc is old enough have them choose something nice for their dad one day as salt in the wound- ‘dc loved picking out something they thought you’d like!’

@timeisnotaline

Well, if you’re not leaving him, I guess it’s time for buY-something-every-day-until-he-apologises Text him We are not starving and we both get to decide how to spend money. Speaking to me like that is totally unacceptable. Im buying something extra every single day until you want to have a reasonable conversation in which you remember I’m an adult and your partner. You wouldn’t speak to a work colleague like that. Im looking forward to some extremely guilt free shopping extras, that ridiculous abuse from you was the last straw with going along with how tight you are.

Perfect text!

All this fuss over £5, what happens if you have a real crisis?

If you are not leaving. Then either you put up with this nonsensical behaviour or he has to change. Just separate finances and forget about money jars. If you have your own income open up a new bank account and have your money paid into that. sharing is not working for you. Why would anybody want to be with such a selfish controlling unreasonable person.

Text him
We are not starving and we both get to decide how to spend money. Speaking to me like that is totally unacceptable. Im buying something extra every single day until you want to have a reasonable conversation in which you remember I’m an adult and your partner. You wouldn’t speak to a work colleague like that. Im looking forward to some extremely guilt free shopping extras, that ridiculous abuse from you was the last straw with going along with how tight you are.
Perfect text!

agree, perfect text.

And if you’re afraid to send such text as timeisnotaline’s, OP, then ask yourself what sort of environment your DC is growing up in.

Agree that if you are not afraid to speak to/text him, and not wanting to leave, then this is the time to draw attention to his behaviour and its implications. We are partners, we are adults, we make decisions together and separately and we respect each others point of view. Anything less and we just have a sham relationship. Which do you want moving forward? If you are scared of me spending too much, say so, calmly and we will decide on a budget. But you don't speak to me as you did yesterday. That was not acceptable.

If you are scared to talk honestly and reasonably to him, then please get extra help and support. Women's Aid will advise you.

Best of luck.

Sorry, should have added - "And if I want to buy a few extras for £5 occasionally, I shall make it clear now, that that is reasonable. I am not sneaking money to buy the crown jewels. I am buying food for us, and as an adult, I can reassure you that I am not throwing money around, nor being unreasonable. I am just buying food."

Good lord all over a fiver.
Tightness is a very ugly trait.
Never justify yourself.
If he does it again just laugh in his face.

Are you there OP?