How could I have been so stupid ?

[Selfdestruct]

I feel utterly bereft at what I have done.

Could of years ago I got very drunk and ended up having a fumble with an old friend. It was very early days with my my DP but I told
him as I knew I’d made a huge mistake but only after I’d had a coupe of further nights out. This was along distance relationship which is no excuse.

Fast forward and he found some texts from back back when and had ended it. I disclosed everything and haven’t lied. He now thinks it was a full blown affair and has cut contact with me and also has decided that there are many more nights like this and this is who I am. I’ve never ever done anything like this before so I am as shocked at my own behaviour.

I know I deserve everything I get but it was a one off stupid mistake when were we’re not official (sounds like an excuse)

I just want him to see that he can trust me and it was a long time ago and I don’t usually behave like this and I feel so remorseful over what I have done to him.

Is there any coming back from this or should I do the decent thing and leave him be?

I feel small and ashamed.

Of course

Honestly, @Selfdestruct just leave him be. I'm not sure how all this texting and calling has come about. I thought he ended it already? Who instigated further conversations and is keeping it going?

If that's you, then stop. Don't beg, don't keep apologising, don't promise to change, or anything else. Accept his decision.

If he is the one who keeps coming back and trying to rake over it all, don't let him. He's made his choice. He cannot continue to use this situation, or your past, to control you. You take control and tell him you accept his decision. Say absolutely nothing more.

It was all fine a few days ago and build up to a break up just like that. So I guess I am shocked at how fast it has all happened.

I have no contacted him since and have no intention to. My head is just spinning and I’ve nobody else to talk to about this

I'm sorry you're feeling so down, I really am.

The best thing you can do is keep busy.

Maybe it's an idea to change your username and start another thread? You don't need to go into the reasons for the break up, just ask for support and ideas on how to get through it. A place to chat when you're too alone with your own thoughts.

Stay strong. It will get better.

A different (non-typical mumsnet) perspective...

I do have sympathy for him. You started a relationship with him, had several 'drunken' meetings with another person (admittedly 2 years ago while the relationship was long distance and in its infancy), and for some reason kept the messages.

Additionally, from what you've written you appear to be more erratic, while he is the calming influence - maybe I've got that wrong (excluding most recent episode).

If I were him, I would be thinking (rightly or wrongly) this is characteristic of your behaviour (and the person you are)..and would regretfully walk away...

I keep all my messages so that’s not an indicator of anything.

We are both quite calm, and introverted in fact so this behaviour was out of character and followed a long period of bereavement for me.