Family bombshell just landed (triggering)

[Blindsided12]

Not nice subject matter, be warned. Name changed due to sensitive topic. So my little sister (33, anorexic) told me my father abused her when she was around 7. She's not sure how many times (could be twice, could be 20) but she has a vivid memory of it happening twice and in which room at home. Hands down pants basically. I'm shocked. I don't know what to do with this information. She said this memory only came to light in the last year. She's been mentally ill for years. I am one of 6 (she's the youngest) and afaik nobody else has experienced this. Can't say it to my elderly mum. Or my other siblings as we're not close and sister has sworn me to secrecy. Parents are divorced and I don't often see him but not on terrible terms. What do I do with this information? If it's a false memory (she's always in and out of hospitals and therapy) then it's a terrible slur on an innocent man. Never happened to me. If it's true, then what?

@FreshEggs oh Goodness I had no idea

I rarely watch QI but the few times I did watch it , it felt like sometimes Alan was almost seeking approval from a father figure in Stephen Fry. I had no idea this might have been because Alan’s own father was the worst possible father.

My Mum had about twenty weird triangular scars over her shoulders and back. She had no recollection of what they were but had been abused by her mother as a child. When she was in her sixties she had another MH breakdown and was put on a drug that had her recalling a lot of her childhood traumas including the answer to the scars. Her mother used to burn her with the iron. She had totally buried this memory but the drug brought it to the surface along with a fuck tonne of other stuff so specific I believed her absolutely.

She had suffered MH issues her entire life as a result of her mothers abuse and was open about it but the real bad stuff only came out under medication that acted like the 'truth drug'.

Believe her. She is likely not lying. My Mum had poor mental health but she was a lovely person who did not tell lies. Maybe go with her to some sessions and discuss it with the counseller and back up your sister. It might help her heal.

mittens nobody has at any time said that girls are the only victims, where did you get that from in Fl1mflam's comment? It is so sad that women aren't allowed to talk about issues that effect them without people getting offended that men have not been mentioned for a couple of minutes!

The scepticism over buried memories made me really question myself when my memories came back, until I realised the connection with the distressing images I'd had in my head for many years, and then the EMDR treatments helped me to process the memories that were coming back. And the result of this was that the images in my head completely disappeared.

It also helped that my DSis was also remembering the childhood trauma, and we had different memories but also some of the same ones.

I can't emphasise enough how frightening it is when you discover memories that have been hidden for many years; it turns your life upside down. Although for me it was also a relief to be able to make sense of the PTSD symptoms I'd had for years.

Please don't let your sister know that you're having difficulty believing her. But it is worth contacting her therapist and let her know your concerns.

@FlapsInTheWind I'm really sorry for what your DM went through.

@IJustWantSomeBees

Where did that come from? I'm an SA survivor myself and I work on a project for Central Asian women. Why is it wrong to mention that boys go through it too? It's just that I can see so clearly the damage that's been done to my DB, which is a lot worse than the damage to my DSis and me.

It's all routed in misogyny. It certainly was the case with my F, who had some very warped views about women and also abused my DM (coercive control and emotional and verbal abuse and accusations of cheating on him).

@Mittens030869

Thanks