I think I am a home wrecker

[anoniem]

Hi guys,

I need some advice, and didn’t know where to turn - please don’t judge.

I met a guy online, we hit it off. Probably the first time I’ve ever felt at ease with a guy before. We have the same hobbies, he’s great.

Fast forward, I decided to do some snooping and found his LinkedIn, then his Instagram and now his Facebook.

He’s always said he was single, promised, literally asked him and he said he was, but his pictures says otherwise. Been in a relationship for 8/9 years, and married for 2.

I was sick, we met for coffee, had so much fun together, I’ve never opened up to someone as much as I have.

Now I don’t know what to do. He’s apologised, he’s said he was sorry, and that he always wanted to tell me, but was worried because what if I cut things off.

I just don’t know what to do. I really like him, and now I just feel stupidly vulnerable because he knows so much.

May seem like an obvious solution, but I just feel so drained from it all.

Tell his wife, you can probably find her on his facebook too. Then block. She deserves to know.

I hate making people sad and I’ve just let that cloud my judgment.

Imagine how sad you'll be making his wife if you don't woman up and dump this cheat.

Why on earth are you feeling guilty?
You did the right thing by checking him out on line. He's an arse. A lying cheating arse. Who does not deserve any of your time. His poor wife.
Block and move on.

What do you mean, you don’t know what to do? Are you thinking of seeing him again?

You've done nothing wrong.
He's been a liar from the moment you first 'met' him.
You owe him nothing - who cares if he's sad?!
You be a fool not to block him permanently.
You'll keep your self respect if you dump him.

Look at this from your POV not his wife's. That's why you should drop him immediately. He lied to you, right from the very beginning, and will never be any good for you.
Making this about his wife and family - "didn't mean to" "home wrecker" "never done it before" etc is a way of making things seem fuzzier, as if the bad things he has done (and you might do) are to someone else.

They are to YOU. He is a bad man to YOU.

Leave him alone.

Well done for doing your due diligence and addressing what you found out. Now you know.

Not your fault. Dont feel bad.

But however great you are, if he did it to her he could do it to you. So block, cry, get a better guy.

You had nothing to feel guilty about when you didn't know he was married. Now you do. Do the right thing for yourself and his wife and get rid of him. I have a horrible suspicion you won't though as you seem to be trying to find reasons not to. Please prove me wrong.

Who don't you want to make sad @anoniem, you, him or his wife?

He's a lying arse. Do not touch him with a bargepole. You will feel at ease with someone else who won't turn out to be a deceitful cheat. Block him.

I want to give you a hug—you’ve doing wrong at this point and you sound so naive, please don’t let yourself get taken for a ride.

I would happily bet you any sum of money that he has met numerous women for sex during his marriage, that you are not the only one he is “going for coffee” with at the moment and that he has no interest in a connection with you—there’s a good chance he’ll lead you down the garden path and block you when he’s got what he wants.

You also aren’t describing any kind of amazing connection here tbh: do you have low self esteem in dating? You realise he’s purporseffuly trying to knock you off your feet quickly, so he can get you in bed ASAP?

Also if you have issues around” making people feel sad” for refusing to see them, you should NOT be dating.

He's treated you extremely badly, as well as his wife. You haven't done anything wrong. You met someone you liked who lied to you and led you on. It's upsetting but sadly this happens a lot. The party who turns up hoping for a nice date and a good connection, not knowing the potential love interest is not really single, is not in the wrong! Only he is. Whatever his home situation is, he's a nasty piece of work for treating women like this.

Another married man looking for a shag behind his wife’s back. They all lie, say they’re single & shit themselves when they’re caught out. He’s a loser, and a crap liar to boot. His poor wife. Block him & don’t make contact again.

He's clearly used to lying.
How can you trust him?
Dump him.

You know what, you may well have hit it off. There might have been a true connection. But the fact is that he was online looking for someone to have sex with, while he was married. That's not what a good, decent man does. And for him to say you were the first... you probably aren't even the last. I can't imagine he only met you and only went online once in the search for sex.

He's a homewrecker.

You're the other woman.

He is married. You are not his girlfriend, partner, or future in any way. You are an ego boost and a potential shag on the side.

You've met someone for coffee and then discovered he is a liar and a cheat. Thank god you didn't get involved with him. Just walk away and don't go opening up so much to random strangers until you know them a bit better. It might feel tough, but don't communicate with him again.

Delete, block move on. Some people are just nasty.

You have nothing to feel guilty about.

I met (unknown to me) a married man several years ago. Luckily we had only met 4 times and didn't have sex but I really really liked him.

I blocked his lying cheating arse (as soon as I found out) and so should you.

He probably has done it before. Don't fall into that trap of him convincing you that you're so special he couldn't help himself (one of the oldest lines in the cheaters handbook that one). He's a lying shit head. Just do better. You'll get over it quicker than you think. You don't really know someone at all when they're hiding this much from you.

He says he's never done it before.

But he also promised he wasn't married, didn't he? I honestly don't think you can believe a word that comes out of his mouth. All that having so much in common stuff - he was reeling you in. He sensed that you were vulnerable and that you'd be susceptible to him pretending to be the man you wanted him to be.

Honestly, you just have to block him and forget him. He's been pretending all this time, you don't even know the real him, so don't go persuading yourself that he's The One.

@anoniem
If he can be a lying douche to his wife of many years, he will do the same to you.

He probably just wants sex from you. Don’t give it, men very rarely leave wives for side pieces.

If you have self respect, dump and block. Next time, be far cooler with men.. do not open up or be easy to conquer sexually.

Block!

You're not a home wrecker, you believed the man. It's all very well him being sorry and worried it would put you off - of course it would! You have had a very lucky escape and I hope you put it behind you soon. There are plenty of nice, unmarried men out there so don't let it put you off dating.

I'm sorry for your disappointment.