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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Made my plans to leave next week but am so scared

396 replies

Coco26 · 21/09/2020 19:30

I’ve been making my plans to leave abusive and controlling husband and have been building strength over the last couple of months. I no longer feel guilty that I’m going to leave, I can’t live like this any longer, I can’t stand being anywhere near him. I need to give my daughter somewhere safe to blossom and grow into the amazing woman she is going to be. Not allow her to be terrified and belittled and controlled and not able to enjoy her life.

But now that the date is so close I am so scared and don’t know how to plan the final bits. I don’t know what to put in the letter I plan to leave, whether to answer calls from him. Will I be better knowing what his reaction is? I feel so scared I can’t imagine ever being able to sleep, or leave the house, waiting to see if he finds out where we are and if he’ll try to hurt us. I’m terrified of him coming home whilst we’re getting everything in the car. And the covid situation makes everything worse. The people I’ve told have been really supportive but I’ll be on my own as I’m in an area where you can’t visit people in their home. I wish I could fast forward and be out the other side

OP posts:
LannieDuck · 01/10/2020 15:11

Well done. Hope it wasn’t too stressful and you got to take what you need.

marriednotdead · 01/10/2020 15:40

So so pleased you've made it out, the anticipation in the days before is horrible but you've got through so well done!

Don't mistake any tears of relief as ones of regret. It will be tricky at times but you're about to start living your own life finally.

dublingirl66 · 01/10/2020 16:10

Amazing progress

The peace and happiness lies ahead of you

I fled with a small baby and every day has been filled with so much peace and contentment
Never to set foot near a man again after what he went through

Sending you lots of hugs !!

Sawyersfishbiscuits · 01/10/2020 16:29

OP wow, you're amazing! You've been so smart and so brave. I wish you every happiness in your new life! Xx

ToastyCrumpet · 01/10/2020 16:30

Deluding to say congratulations and I’m so happy for you!

ToastyCrumpet · 01/10/2020 16:31

Argh. *Delurking.

ErrrrIDontThinkSo · 01/10/2020 16:33

You did it! So happy for you OP.

notapizzaeater · 01/10/2020 16:46

Fantastic, expect to crash when the 'high' wears off. Today is the first day of the rest if your life

Morporkia · 01/10/2020 17:03

Wishing you happiness and serenity in your new home 💐💐

caringcarer · 01/10/2020 17:03

You are s very brave lady and I wish you and your dd all the luck in the world. Block your abuser. Get another cheap phone with a different number or buy a new SIM with new number. Be ready for your ex to turn up at child's school and make a scene.

Claire347 · 01/10/2020 17:22

Well done you! New start xx

Maray1967 · 01/10/2020 17:26

I’m so pleased for you and your DD - wishing you both so much happiness

BeyondsConstantBangingHeadache · 01/10/2020 17:27

That's fantastic news, well done!

perfumeistooexpensive · 01/10/2020 17:30

Well done. It's so difficult to leave and it feels very strange at first, but the relief is wonderful.

Itsinthetreesitscoming · 01/10/2020 17:34

Well done, just read this thread - you have so much strength. Here's to your new life - you deserve it.

Coco26 · 01/10/2020 17:44

He knows. He’s left voicemail on DD phone and try to call me on withheld number. Feeling so scared. DD is doing so well and sis is looking after me.

OP posts:
pointythings · 01/10/2020 17:49

He was always going to find out. If he turns up and kicks off, call the police. Your DD would be well advised to block him, and perhaps you should both change your numbers and use your current SIMs in phones which are exclusively for him so you can check them every so often. Or not.

Dery · 01/10/2020 17:58

Great advice from Pointythings.

You're scared because you are used to doing exactly what he wants you to do and you have spent 20+ years avoiding incurring his displeasure. But that is no way to live. He's going to be furious that you've left him and try all sorts of tricks to get you back. Let your DD, sister and friends keep you strong and keep posting here for support as well.

AWiseWomanOnceSaidFuckThisShit · 01/10/2020 18:04

Definitely change your number and also make sure he can't track you on your phone, I'm not technical but some iphones are traceable. Sorry don't want to panic you just trying to help you make sure every avenue is blocked x

prettybird · 01/10/2020 18:14

Delurking to say congratulations Thanks and to advise that you get a new number and use an old phone into which you can put your current sim and check it at whatever frequency you feel like.

Plus if you have an iPhone, change your Apple ID password and temporarily turn off "Find my iPhone" (or do the equivalent on an android). You can turn it back on again once you've changed your password and have to log back in to your Apple ID.

dublingirl66 · 01/10/2020 18:15

Ignore his calls and voicemails

You owe him nothing

You are tremendously brave xxxx

Newwayofthinking · 01/10/2020 18:20

😊😊😊😚

So happy for you xx

BurtonHouse · 01/10/2020 18:32

Oh well done!
The only way is up now.
I don't know you but am so proud of you.💐

Memom · 01/10/2020 18:37

Well done! Baby steps through the fear to your new life of freedom and choices. Take care and make time for you to heal Thanks

Asterion · 01/10/2020 18:38

Bloody well done to you!!!! Star Star Star

Thinking ahead, I wonder if it's better for you to not block his number, but to make his calls go to voicemail. I bet his messages will get nasty, and if you record and save them then you can use them as evidence if you need to.