Boyfriend is upset we haven't had sex in 3 days. How do I respond?

[1455adviceneeded]

I'm in desperate need of some advice and don't really know where else to turn to. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years, lived together for 2 and a half. When we started living with each other he regularly got quite frustrated that we didn't have sex as much as we used to. I work irregular shift patterns and often get home late and don't feel like having sex, but I would still say we have it 2-3 times a week. He would often go into these very angry and hostile moods yet claim he was fine, only to eventually reveal that he was angry because we haven't had sex in a few days. This would often result in me getting angry and upset, feeling useless and like there is something wrong with me.
Admittedly, these past few days I have just simply not been in the mood. Covid cases rising and not being able to see my family has made me feel very depressed, and sex has just generally not been at the forefront of my mind. Last night, after I came home from a 10 hour shift, my boyfriend sent me a sexually suggestive message from another room and I didn't see it as I was asleep.
Today we are both in the house and I have noticed something was wrong, he seemed very hostile and snappy with me. I asked him multiple times if he was okay but he denied anything being wrong. I eventually got out of him that his 'pent up sexual frustration from me rejecting him for 3 days' along with stress from work was causing him to be angry.
As I mentioned, we have had these argument so many times before and I just don't know how to respond anymore. I feel like I'm being manipulated to an extent, and I don't know if his reaction to no sex for 3 days is reasonable. It makes me want to have sex even less as I feel like I've been forced into it to make him happy.
Has anyone else had a similar experience to this? I will say I love him very much and every other part of our relationship is completely fine.

Not a chance I could live this way, it sounds hideous 😞

OP your nerves must be shot with this constant harassment for sex, the emotional and mental stress of feeling constantly under pressure. Im anxious just reading your plight. 🌺

I know someone 15 years into a relationship like this. She has three children and a partner who demands sex at least once a day. She is exhausted and resigned to it and it's so sickening to witness. She says she knows that if she doesn't give him what he wants he will cheat - he probably already has to be fair.

Get out now.

Yuk sex pest.
Does he work?
Seems that he has far too much time for thinking about his dick.
Leave the ick.
He could sort himself out or get something from his GP to lessen his drive.
But really leave. His entire attitude is ick.

i will tell you what will happen.

He will sulk, you will give in to have sex to get him to leave you alone.

Then it will become a cat/mouse game of how long you can hold out between, because you will NEVER want sex with him.. because he will go straight back to harassing you.

He will probably move on to putting his hands on you, dropping hints, coming up behind you at the sink and shoving his hands down your trousers... touching your tits/bum every time he walks past... or just coming over and flopping his knob out while you're sat on the sofa... or being naked when you walk in the room.

He'll start harassing you in your sleep, and you'll wake up to his hands in your pjs and his hard cock rubbing your ass crack.. or worse, he'll have undressed you and woke you up by attempting to penetrate you.

You'll tell him to get off and he'll call you frigid or accuse you of having an affair because you never want him.

Then you'll start avoiding being in the same room as him, or changing your clothes in front of him, you'll get up before him, come to bed after him....

At least thats how it went with my Ex until i grew a pair and left him because i was sick of the sexual harassment, assault and attempted rapes.

LEAVE HIM

Respond by leaving. This won't improve.

If someone's after you like a hounddog you're never going to be able to relax, sounds best to cut your losses.

He's a nasty sex pest.

Get out while you can.

Surely you must have the Ick by now.

does he have any good points?

tbh you get out of this relationship while there are no kids involved - even if there were kids involved id still get out (just makes it more complicated but very do-able)!
dont live your life like this.

He’s already telling you that in the future he will cheat on you. When he does he’ll tell you he warned you it would happen. Just leave, you can do so much better.

I don’t know how you can enjoy sex with someone like this. You may as well be a wank sock.

Wow.

I bet he thinks that saying it feels like a rejection from you makes it sound better than any other excuse. But what it sounds like to me is that he never ever stops thinking about his dick and therefore you shouldn't either.

I've been with my husband for 15 years, he'd easily have sex daily, possibly more often if he could. He has been a pest in the past, I've been clear I don't work like that - it is never going to make me want sex just because he has the horn! He has (in the main) always taken it gracefully! That is how a good man should.

Read @Calabasa's post and really think if this is something you can live with long term. Don't fall into the sunk costs fallacy.

Tell him to go fuck himself and don't look back.

This is so unacceptable 😡😡😡

LTB

When a man would prefer to shag you even knowing you're not in the mood and you still have a very frequent sex life anyway, you aren't with a decent man. Seriously. He's not a good guy. He would happily guilt trip you into sex knowing you don't want to fuck him that day. Can you imagine wanting to shag someone who you know (that day) doesn't want to shag you? No. Because you aren't a selfish prick who believes you have a right to someone else's body whenever you want it.

So,to set the scene: he only cares about himself and himself only,he can't or won't understand your need for physical rest to recharge after a long shift, he cannot grasp that you have feelings and can be distracted by normal life stressors along with a global pandemic and physical separation from your loved ones? He says he may have an affair because he can't go three days without sex? Honey, he needs to be locked in a cage and fed with a stick!!!!

LTB.
It’s not normal no, my DP early on said ‘I don’t ever want you to have sex with me if you don’t want to’. I consider that mindset normal, he got extra points for saying it tho.

What Queenofpain said.

@QueenOfPain

Get out!

What’s with his sense of fucking entitlement to your body? It’s complete utter bullshit that the cause of his anger is simply being horny, if that was the case he could have a wank, sort himself out and behave like a normal human being.

He’s angry because he doesn’t see you as a sentient human being with your own needs and wants and stressors, you exist solely as a hole for him to experience pleasure and when you aren’t in a position to provide that for him, you’re not worthy of his decency and respect.

This x10. Leave this entitled, controlling bastard.

OP, I think it’s a good thing you’re having it out with him now rather than after you’ve had children with this man. He’s extremely disrespectful and seems to view sex as his right from you, and your body as his property. You have so much time to start over with someone who will love and respect you. If he’s essentially telling you now that he’s planning on cheating in the future if you don’t give him what he wants, believe him. He sounds awful and he’ll only get worse. Save yourself another 5 years of pain and harassment.

I don't think I've ever read anything more repulsive on here OP. He sounds like a 14 year old boy. I don't think you should be at all bothered by the thought of losing him but...

I have said this to him too, he said that's 'different' and that also he doesn't know if 20 years down the line I might start wanting sex less and less while his sex drive is the same and he might want to cheat on me. I actually can't believe what's coming out of his mouth.

He has already justified cheating to you. He has already used the term "I can't help it" multiple times. I would stake my house on the likelihood of him cheating one day. And that's the best case scenario for how he deals with his obsession, frankly.

Stuck some bromide in his tea

But the feed him with a stick through the cage bars was sheer class

Op he doesn't sound like a keeper throw this one back in the gene pool

Op how can you live with this creep?