Well my husband just left

[joysmoy]

Just as title says. My husband has been messaging another woman for months now. I had thought things were getting better,we were sleeping together and going on dates,he told me he had stopped the messaging but he has still been at it and told her he loves her and hates it hereme and the kids are devastated. He just packed a bag and left😢

@AdaColeman

While this is a dreadful painful shock to you, your H has probably been planning his exit for some time. So he will be prepared emotionally, unlike you. He has probably got financial plans in place too.

Don’t agree immediately to any financial details he suggests, take your time, get advice. Remember that he is no longer your friend, he will be out to get as much as he can for his own new life.
Get hold of as much financial information as you can, even account numbers could be useful.

Be prepared for more surprises & discoveries re the OW, he won’t have told you more than a fraction of the truth.

Try to eat and keep up your fluids, even if you only eat snacks like cheese & crackers, you’ll need to be on the ball in the coming weeks, and you’ll need food to fuel your energy.

I’m so sorry that you’re going through this joy, it hurts like hell I know, but you will get over it, you will manage, and you & your kids will be alright again.

Perfect advice, spot on! Especially ‘Remember that he is no longer your friend, he will be out to get as much as he can for his own new life’

This was one of the things that shocked me when it happened to me. How he could go from my lover to my adversary in what seem like no time at all. He was now a team with OW and I was the outsider. It hurts so deep.

This was one of the things that shocked me when it happened to me. How he could go from my lover to my adversary in what seem like no time at all. He was now a team with OW and I was the outsider. It hurts so deep

I agree. It’s when it dawns on you that for months or even years you have been acting like you and he were a team. When in fact he was a double agent reporting back to her. The person you loved and trusted most of all in the whole world was in fact a spy in your marriage.

It’s devastating.

Ive been through something pretty similar. I was devastated but tried hard not to let it show especially to him. Fake til you make it was something I found most helpful. I lost two stone and worked hard to rebuild what was left of my shattered confidence.
On a practical day to day level this is what helped.
Planning and making changes in the home ie decorating, new bedding etc.
Sorting out my finances with an aim to save as much as I could. Surprisingly I was better off as I never realized that a lot of money went on expensive foods he liked.
At night you tube self hypnosis videos that help build confidence were fantastic.
Nytol (non herbal) on those nights when I couldn't sleep really helped.
I made a huge effort to look after myself from exercise workout videos to buying new clothes. Charity shops are great for quality bargains and can save you a fortune.
I refused to even look at him when he came by and treated him with indifference.
My confidence returned when I realized that I was able to do it alone and I was doing a damn good job!
It wasn't easy but I really surprised myself.
What you tell yourself is really important. No self criticism! No if only id done this or that! No im useless, unlovable, unattractive, any wonder he left rubbish! Every time this happens say "STOP" out loud and focus on whatever it is you are doing at that moment! Keep doing this as practice makes perfect.
Treat and speak to yourself as you would a close friend.
We got back together in the end and although that was difficult a few years down the line we're in a much better place.
If however anything were to happen again I know I can trust myself to do it and do it well.
I hope this helps a bit

I second that you need to take care of yourself. You need a solicitor to sort out the divorce and finances. You need to settle whatever bills you have currently before you take the house on in your own name so you are not lumbered with them all. If he is being generous take what you can now because he probably won't be so generous again. He will soon see what it is like having the children ever other weekend and you can then see how his shiny new gf likes less money and more responsibilities. I am so sorry

Do you know what, I understand why a couple might break up, but how a man can just walk out on his kids is beyond me.

Surely the sensible thing to do is to talk things through, work out where he's going to be living and seeing the kids, and explain it to them - rather than just walking out!

I'm so sorry you're going through this, he sounds bloody awful.

Thank you all so much and I'm so sorry for all who have been through this

Linda me too. But it's astonishing how often it happens.