Well my husband just left

[joysmoy]

Just as title says. My husband has been messaging another woman for months now. I had thought things were getting better,we were sleeping together and going on dates,he told me he had stopped the messaging but he has still been at it and told her he loves her and hates it hereme and the kids are devastated. He just packed a bag and left😢

The first thing you do is take at least half if not 3/4 of all the money out of all joint accounts.

Given that you have to care for 4 out of the 5 family members it should probably be 4/5.

Do it online tonight if you can.

It’s Normal to feel very sick and not be able to eat much - it’s the shock.

I can't we have separate banking and I don't have access to his

I get dla and carers allowance for my little boy and live in housing association house. Work very part time. Just to give some background.

You/also need to email your 9yos School. Just a paragraph to say that his dad left home very suddenly last night and Johnny is very upset.

Whose name is the house in?

Bugger about the bank accounts

Already spoke to school as that's where I work. House in both names.

What reason did he give? Is he feeling overwhelmed at home, maybe with Lockdown and attendant difficulties? Does she have kids? If not, maybe he thinks it's all going to be peace and calm.

Do you want him back? Do you think he might come back when he realises that no-one and no-where is perfect, especially if he's been fantasising about it for months because reality doesn't usually live up to that.

Have a think about what you want. You don't have to do anything right now-give yourself a bit of a breather to figure out what next or just to begin to get over the shock.

You will be entitled to financial help and don't forget that he will have to pay too.

Try to send your children to school as normal, if you can and if they can.

It will get better, bit by bit but be gentle with yourself and your children. Don't be rushed or bounced into anything when thinking about your reaction.

Good luck!

Dla is safe from anything, btw, as it's not means tested and is paid for your ds and not you.

Are you legally married ? If so it doesn’t matter if the house is in his name, it’s a marital asset. As are other things like his money in the bank, pension, cars, etc

If he’s been planning this for a while then he might have hidden assets.

Ha has depression and I've been trying to help him with that. He says he doesn't feel the same way about me anymore. He says nothing physical has happened with other women but he would have had opportunity. We've spoken about the messaging and he told me it had stopped until I saw today's message.

You’ve done a lot already - you are obviously good in a crisis!

I want to wring his neck when I read about your LO pacing the floor crying 😡😡

Yes we are married,have been for 16 years

It broke my heart seeing my little boy like that

And I want to shout “ I don’t f*8ing care about your feelings. You have three kids and you have no right to walk out on them without making proper plans for them “.

And I’m just reading about this. You are living it. How are you so calm ?

Depression or not, he’s a selfish bastard.

I’m glad your school / work know . Do you have friends / colleagues who will support you?

Believe me I've not been calm,I've dashed to the loo to cry a few times but I've got to try and hold it together for my kids

If he really is depressed, a change of partner and scene won't help that and it won't be long before the gloss wears off. Also, depression is a difficult thing for a partner to deal with and she may not be up for the reality of that.

More likely, he's bored and, once again, the gloss will wear off.

It will be up to you then to decide what to do if he wants to come home. So, take your time, figure out what is best for you and the children-even if that means taking him back or moving on.

It isn't the time to make any decisions now. You've had a body blow, stop, get your breath and breathe slowly.

Thank you all so much your messages are really helping me

You’re a strong women @joysmoy

Sorry posted too soon by accident .
Head will be all over the place . He may decide that the grass is not greener and come crawling back , but when you have collected your thoughts I would be getting in touch with divorce lawyer . He can walk away from you and you DC , but he can’t walk away from his financial responsibilities .
Sorry op , what a cnt he is

Thank you. I feel wrung out atm just exhausted and sick

While this is a dreadful painful shock to you, your H has probably been planning his exit for some time. So he will be prepared emotionally, unlike you. He has probably got financial plans in place too.

Don’t agree immediately to any financial details he suggests, take your time, get advice. Remember that he is no longer your friend, he will be out to get as much as he can for his own new life.
Get hold of as much financial information as you can, even account numbers could be useful.

Be prepared for more surprises & discoveries re the OW, he won’t have told you more than a fraction of the truth.

Try to eat and keep up your fluids, even if you only eat snacks like cheese & crackers, you’ll need to be on the ball in the coming weeks, and you’ll need food to fuel your energy.

I’m so sorry that you’re going through this joy, it hurts like hell I know, but you will get over it, you will manage, and you & your kids will be alright again.

Have you got someone who could come round and stay for a while to help and support you ?