Well my husband just left

[joysmoy]

Just as title says. My husband has been messaging another woman for months now. I had thought things were getting better,we were sleeping together and going on dates,he told me he had stopped the messaging but he has still been at it and told her he loves her and hates it hereme and the kids are devastated. He just packed a bag and left😢

Thank you so much for the advice

I could ask my brother or my mum but I just would rather be here alone to deal with my children

@joysmoy
So sorry...... What a complete dick.

So sorry for your poor son as well. Kids never fully 'get over' being left.
It is such a betrayal.

I understand
you sound a lovely mum

@joysmoy

I could ask my brother or my mum but I just would rather be here alone to deal with my children

It was same for me when DH left....I just wanted to be alone to process the pain and shock.

Thank you all so much for your kind messages it really is helping

My guess is that his ‘depression’ is just a way to garner sympathy, so that his appalling behaviour will look less despicable to others, such as his parents, colleagues etc. Being depressed doesn’t make you behave like an arse.

Try to get some rest @joysmoy, you’ve a long day ahead. Kind thoughts to you.

Thank you Ada yes funnily enough it never ever stopped him going to the pub or days out in London or golf or anything

My deepest sympathy, OP. You will get through this simply because you have to. Your poor DC need you and you'll find strength to fight for them and for yourself.

I've been fighting my XH in court for years over money (we don't live in the UK). Eighteen months ago he suddenly stopped paying all child support and I'm at my wits end. So my advice to you is to make copies of all financial statements, especially his, while you still have access to them. Go through his PC and/or laptop, make copies of anything pertaining to assets.

See a solicitor as soon as possible. Make sure you get a good one.

Thank you for the advice

💐

Good advice, with the gathering of any financial documents as soon as poss before anything else to prepare for solicitor.

You are now reading a different rule book and will learn tonnes from MN.

Every scenario and excuse he throws at you will have been met before, they can predict what his next moves are.
The posters on here will help you enormously.

But for now be kind to yourself and the children.
Lean on others for support and remember we have your back.

He's a weak willed piece of shit.

Id leave an hour or so to apply for Universal credit benefits tommorow. I helped somebody in similar circumstances to you do it last week and it was simple enough. They phoned her back two days later and organised an appointment at the local job centre.

www.universal-credit.service.gov.uk

Thats the link to apply for it (you need to do it online).

You should get roughly around £400 a month from that and maybe some towards your rent as well but I cant be definite.

Wow, what a git.
Hope you're ok OP, things will look different in the morning- clearer maybe and you will be able to see the wood for the trees. In the meantime, sort the important docs out and take copies of everything financial or otherwise - just a photo of them will
do x
You WILL be just fine, though it probably doesn't seem like that now x

He is the absolute definition of the word CUNT. I am so sorry to read this. He is weak and infintile! You are a strong woman and as much as if feels you have been kicked in the guts you will be ok my lovely! You will have ups and downs and dread somedays but eventually you will be stronger and you will see that you dont need him. You and kids will be better off because you wont be worrying about what that wankstain is upto. In the long run he will miss out and they will never be happy trust me... the fact he left his wife and poor kids left confused, do you actually think she/he has won? Wrong. She will know theres the full blown chance he will do it to her and I hope he does (if she knew). Him? Well he is just an absolute dreg and he knows it and thats why he cant face you.

Have lots of friends about you and keep busy xxx

I’m walking with you on the other side of the road with my DS, 6, who has adhd and probably aspergers (autism assessment on hold due to Covid).

His Dad has relapsed with alcohol.He has consciously chosen to go back to his addiction instead of putting his son first. It could easily kill him.

DS is very worried about dad being ill but doesn’t yet really understand how profoundly our lives have changed. He will be heartbroken when he realises our ‘holiday’ with relatives is the start of leaving his home permanently and he may not see Dad again for months, if ever.

Offering a hand to hold through this dark time.

I am so, so sorry. This is a horrible situation for you and the children, especially after having been together for so long. I have no doubt your husband will regret it quite soon.

However you have to put yourself first now; take advice and claim what you can in order to be able to live reasonably well and have the house put in your name. Then you can breathe.

I'm glad you have some family support.

I can understand how hard it is for you seeing your youngest so very upset. However he will adjust as will the older two.

Take care of yourself and let us know how you are getting on.

Thank you all so so much. Managed a couple hours sleep but I'm not sure I can face the day now

You're amazing and strong and you've got this!
Do the practical stuff first. Sounds like you are on it with finances, can you bag up his stuff? Get it out of sight?

He will see the grass isn't greener but by then you won't care.... xxxxx

Maybe. Just trying not to cry right now.

Take the day hour by hour OP. You can tackle this and you are your children will get through it a much stronger happier family unit.
My exDP left me and our then 2 year old DD out of the blue for OW randomly the very same day we moved into a new home. He didn’t even bother to help me move the boxes into the new home before he announced “he just couldn’t do it anymore” ( what a fucking charmer ey?!) “depression” is thrown about a lot with cheating fuckers that want an excuse for their appalling behaviour. It’s absolute crock.
I’m a believer that what goes around comes around. I am now in the best position I have ever been in in my life and I am so glad he did me a favour and left because I am so much happier now. And you will be too! You will get through this. Be prepared for him to completely change towards you. He will turn into a person you won’t recognise. My best advice. Once you’re over the shock. Get angry. It will give you the strength to not be emotionally manipulated by him as OW may well be pulling some strings from now on too.

Find yourself a family solicitor. Many of them give a free 30 minutes so get all your questions written down.

Thank you so much for the advice