Well my husband just left

[joysmoy]

Just as title says. My husband has been messaging another woman for months now. I had thought things were getting better,we were sleeping together and going on dates,he told me he had stopped the messaging but he has still been at it and told her he loves her and hates it hereme and the kids are devastated. He just packed a bag and left😢

How are you doing today @joysmoy?

Well done on making a start on sorting out your finances. You will be eligible for a 25% discount on Council Tax as the only adult in a household, so check that out when you feel able.

The evenings can be hard going, you've kept it all together all day, the children are now asleep, then suddenly painful thoughts overwhelm you. Try to have books, films, music knitting etc lined up to help take your mind off dark thoughts. Try to eat, even if only snacks or soup or something on toast.

When you are in contact with him, he will almost certainly give events and his own actions a bit of a twist, and make it seem that everything is actually your fault!

He's doing this so he can justify his own actions and ease his own guilt. Don't be fooled, don't be taken in by his new guilt free version of your life together.

He was making things my fault before he left anyway so used to that.i really can't eat today I've just been alternating coffee squash and camomile tea. I just want everything back to how it was

Awww so sorry you’re going through but you most definitely do not want it go back to how it was because he was having an affair and using you.

It is a shock now but give yourself some time and be kind to yourself, you have posted you will be ok with money which must be a huge relief, but your life will start to massively improve now you don’t have that lying shit bag around the house.

Sending a hug to you and your children

Thank you Apple

how are you OP 🌺

Hope your ok OP

Thinking of you and sending hugs

I'm just feeling waves of sadness atm. Feel sick and can't eat. Just exhausted. Trying to stay strong for the kids.

Sending love and virtual support. It will get easier but in the meantime be kind to yourself. There's nothing wrong with the kids knowing you're upset so don't feel you've always got to hide your feelings from them.

Yeah, bye.

Let him go what a pig.

I so sorry this is happening.
He'll only have told you the absolute minimum he can get away with. You need an STI test. Reach out to good people for support. Get a good solicitor. Believe nothing he tells you. He's been planning this and is well ahead of you.

We literally have nothing apart from our housing association house two crappy cars and our kids. Couple of grand in the bank but no other savings. Do I need to be worried? The kids are definitely better with me as he has mental health issues and works all sorts of hours .

As the savings in the joint account? If they are then transfer them into yours. I wouldn’t worry about money. I did read the whole thread yesterday but can’t remember if you mentioned that you work. Either way have a look at the online benefits calculator, and see what you may be entitled to. You need to apply for benefits today if you need help. Also apply for child support (yes the kids are far better in their family home with their one stable parent). I know these things are probably low on your list of priorities with how crappy you’re feeling, but you need to get the ball rolling as a lot of the help you may be entitled to can’t be backdated if you do end up shit creek x

It’s pretty easy to apply for benefits online now the offices are closed (I think) due to Covid

We have separate bank accounts. I have most of savings anyway. He's terrible with money.

Are you sure your husband does it have a workplace pension ? Even most small companies have one.

Have you managed to find all the paperwork, things like pay slips, bonuses, any savings?

He will have to pay you child support and it’s harder for him to avoid this if he’s salaried.

I know you are still feeling sick but you are doing well to keep drinking fluids. Some people find Ice lollies are ok, especially the fruit smoothies ones .

What an absolute twat. Although it doesn't feel like it, your life will be happier without him.
I agree with those who say consult a divorce lawyer immediately. Don't let him make the first move. Register his unacceptable behaviour first and get everything in a row to hit him hard. He broke his vows to you and your family. Make him pay for it.

That’s great that you have most of The savings. DONT give him May money from them until you’ve seen a lawyer and they’ve worked it all out.

Remember it’s much easier for him to go out and earn more as he doesn't have the kids. And his bills are lower for one person than four.

Don’t fall for any sob stories from him. Eg I need £800 as a deposit for a rented flat so I can have the kids.

If you're married the money in his bank account belongs to you too. You just need a lawyer to get access to it. Contact one today, if you haven't already

Can I just say your children will never forget what a good mum you're being to them just now. Hang in there. This is awful but you will get through it xxx

Thank you all for the support. He's self employed btw and that's only been since January so was claiming universal credit during lockdown as not entitled to furlough

I've been through this with my utter twat of an ex. He declared that his first priority was to make himself happy and off he went with the OW of the moment (there had been many). No thought that he had just devastated his child, his happiness was much more important. Oh and I'd had the "I'm depressed" story as well. Turned out she had a name.

I hope there's a special place in hell reserved for men like this.

OP, you will get through this and you will be in a much better place when you do. Your DCs will adapt. It will be ok.

Thank you pop

I'm sorry you've been through this as well

I’d be tempted to film your little boys agony and send it to your ex. Show him what he’s caused. He’s a c*nt. I’ll never understand these men who just up and walk out on their families because they’ve had their head turned. The children get no say in their lives being totally upended. It just boils my pee.

I’m sorry OP, I hope you have ppl irl who can support you emotionally and practically? You will get lots of support and advice here too.

Take care of yourself 💐

Thank you. I have a very good friend plus a fairly big family around me. I just often feel I have to be strong for everyone else and tend to break down in the times I am alone.