Boyfriends prior violence

[ProficientlyBasic]

How should I feel about this.

In getting to know newish boyfriend he’s told me about 3 incidents where he’s ended up being violent towards other people.

1. Neighbour was making nasty comments about his mum a couple of weeks after she’d died. He said he laid he out flat, not punched just pushed him down and pinned him to the floor. He sold it to me as if he’d done the right thing, neighbours who’d overheard we’re congratulating him for putting this neighbour in his place etc.

1. His brothers ex girlfriend came round to collect her stuff with 2 friends, they said a few things to his brother so he went out and threatened them to stay away.

1. Telling someone he works with to fuck off who was spreading false rumours about him.

As the pattern has built up I don’t know if I should feel wary about this? There’s always been a ‘good’ reason for his reaction, especially the first one where I can understand emotions were running high. But I’ve never had any of that type of conflict with anyone. I can’t imagine telling a work colleague to fuck off and would rather walk away but I know I have trouble sticking up for myself so don’t know if that’s affecting the way I’m seeing things. Would this be acceptable to others?

I’m in work tomorrow until Tuesday. I wouldn’t have been in when they wanted to come to the house, not sure I’d feel comfortable with them coming to my house anyway and neighbours asking questions. I might see if I can get into the station to talk to someone one night next week.

I agree with @ElspethFlashman. There could be a good reason they are insistent. It’s worth your time I think.

That sounds like a good plan, better to go there and then no nosy neighbours etc like you say. Will he see your message quite soon? Hope you're feeling ok.

Yes you must follow up with the police.

Well done for ending it. Has he seen your message? Are you prepared for if he doesn’t take it well?

Do speak to the police.

If the police are insisting on seeing you,then do it.It will give you extra information.

He should see it soon, he finishes at 6. I’ve gone out to a friends for the evening so I’m not at home. I feel safe.

Sounds like maybe they have had recent dealing with him and know who he is.

I think you already know the answer to your question. End this relationship and walk away, there are no 'good' reasons for the situations you've described x

Think you have done the right thing.

Oh OP, definitely follow this up with the police.
Please.
Their insistence is NOT for their benefit.
Your gut was right.
Follow through.

I would also speak to the police. This is where things are most dangerous.

Don’t let it lie.

I agree, speak to the police regardless. When you leave is when you're at risk. Be very careful. Don't meet up with him.

@BluebellsGreenbells

I would also speak to the police. This is where things are most dangerous.

Don’t let it lie.

Yep. Leaving is the MOST dangerous time

Id move heaven and earth to Get to that police station.

The second one is a red flag in particular for me. His brother's ex felt she needed two friends when she collected her belongings. Probably because brother is violent.

I know, can't just assume BOTH brothers are violent, but he's given you three examples in which he is...

Good luck with this op.

Sorry, read all the updates after just replying to the first message.

Yeah, I'd go to the station as well. Might as well know what you're dealing with... Hope he's not a dick to you now.

I hope he goes quietly

Run. He's shown you who he is. He's a person who finds righteous violence acceptable. Run.

Glad you have ended it with him.
Definitely find out what the police wanted. Knowing more about this guy could help you and others to not get involved with him.

Op, it sounds like you already know what you should do. I'd end it, huge red flags. Why risk it?? Also, why does he even feel the need to tell you these incidents anyway? Might be a veiled threat to you not to argue with him in future.. You owe it to yourself to aim higher than a guy who almost "brags" about being aggressive 8b certain situations. He's made it clear to you what sort of person he is, doesn't sound like someone who would be willing to sit down and discuss problems in an adult way. If you do decide to stay with him, ask the police for a Claire's Law check on him. Better to be safe than sorry. Xx

I also wouldn't believe the stories he's told about his ex's cheating and it all being amicable. Probably a load of old cobblers

I'd see what the police have to say, as he may not go quietly, and you may need their help.

Well done, but check with the police. If he has form for stalking, you need to know now.