How would you react to your young adult child if they said they were engaged?

[Szyz2020]

I don’t know why but I have an inkling that DD who has just turned 21 is about to get

I was engaged at 22 and married at 24. Been married ( to the same person,lol) for 30 years. It wasn’t an informal or naive type relationship. I shagged about a bit at Uni in the eighties

My parents got married at 22 after only knowing each other 6 weeks, they'll be celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary next year.

Say congratulations, be supportive and be there if things go wrong.

I would act positively but privately I'd be a bit suspicious and be looking carefully for other signs that might indicate it wasn't a particularly healthy relationship.

21, working and able to support themselves I’d congratulate them but be concerned they were too young and wouldn’t be getting excited about any weddings and would encourage a long engagement . 21, at uni and still reliant on the bank of mum and dad I actually don’t think I’d congratulate them, I would think they’d lost the plot and wonder how they planned to support themselves.

I got married and had a son at 20 years old, his dad and I are still together after over 20 years together. But I wouldn't want that for my son. He's older now that I was when I had him and I personally would want him to wait at least ten years before marriage and children, do I understand your trepidation. But we are all different. An engagement can be very long and , let's face it, no relationship or marriage is guaranteed. Be happy for her, maybe offer kindly meant advice, and hope it works out and she is happy.

I wouldnt be offering any wedding funds to encourage a long engagement, but would be supportive

I first met my husband end of April 2014, we became a couple 9th may 2014. We decided to start trying for a baby in July 2014, we moved in together in October 2014, I got pregnant in November 204, we found out I was pregnant 19th December 2014. We got engaged 13th January 2015, and got married 9th April 2015. Baby was due 30th August 2015, was actually born on 5th September 2015.
So we had been together exactly 11 months the day we got married. I know it's very quick, being married and expecting a baby within less than a year of being together, but it worked for us. We had discussed marriage and both agreed it was what we wanted, but we weren't officially engaged. But we knew it was important to us to be married before the baby was born, so we made sure we were. It was perfect.
I'd just turned 21 when we met, he was 29. I was a student and he worked full time but we still made it work, and couldn't be happier.

Its their life so I would be pleased if it was what they wanted

*2014 not 204

If there are no red flags, I'd be happy for them.

I met DH at 20,was engaged at 21, married at 22, I'm now almost 31 and we are still happily together and hopefully will be for many more years to come.

Young does not always mean its wrong.

I got married at 21 to a guy id been dating for just over a year (skipped over the engagement bit entirely!).
Honestly its hit and miss, but what I always told myself even back then was... i can just get divorced if it goes wrong !

However much easier for me as I kept my last name so wouldn't actually need to change anything apart from actually doing the divorce!

At 21 I had a boyfriend whom I adored who was a couple of years older than me. My DF said very gently that they thought he was great but not to do anything hasty. We dated another year or so and then split (because I wasn’t willing to settle down). I took no offence to DF’s words, I understood his concern at the time. Had he pushed harder I might have got the hump.

I got married at aged 21.

We got engaged after being together less than a year.

We have been married almost 20 years now.

Say congratulations, they are adults at the end of the day.

Some relationships work, some don't. I don't believe age is a huge factor in that.

Congratulations as long as they are old enough to get married it is up to them.

We were engaged at 18 & 19 and together 8 months. Have been married for 16 years age isn’t an indicator of the success of a relationship.

21 (and often younger) was actually the norm for a very long time (and still is in many other countries). It's only relatively recently in the West that people delay these stages in life.

If she's a particularly immature 21 year old would be worth having a friendly chat (done in a low key way) to talk through the realities of marriage and whether they've evaluated rationally that this person is right for them in the long term.

I was 21 when I got engaged, I didn’t feel very young my parents acted delighted, my brother was not so happy. We married 4 years later, we now have to gorgeous boys together and are happy. I think your overthinking this, be happy for her, what will be, will be!

Two not to🙄

I would be fine with 21, it was the age of majority until 1970 I think, and the age when I would still consider a young adult a 'proper' adult. Getting married, not just engaged, at under 21 and I may have concerns, though some young adults have been together for five years by the age of 21.

I would be secretly horrified but try to be neutral / supportive . However I don’t think it would work as all my kids would know my views on this.

One of my kids got married young and it ended disastrously within a few months.

Hi OP,

I have to be honest, my DH and I started going out at 14 and got engaged at 16... our parents were all incredibly supportive and we're now in our thirties with one DC and another on their way (any day now). We had a small wedding when we were 23.

I know that our parents were very worried that we would be distracted by being in a serious relationship so young, but we both stayed together through uni, got good degrees, have great jobs now and a lovely home etc. Maybe we are both just very headstrong and were determined to prove doubters wrong, but we really do love each other and are the best of friends.

I did this, got married the following year. My mum supported me throughout snd also supported me fully through the painful divorce a year after we married. She only told me recently (25 years later) that she knew it was a mistake, she also knew she’d lose me if she said anything at the time snd she was right

"How fabulous, I guess you will want to wait till uni is done and your working, so you can afford the wedding, it would be much better to do after all this covid is over " or something like that

There is no right age - & 21 is grown-up.

I was 28 when I married my first husband - a really nasty bastard even though my parents thought he was wonderful.

I have a few friends who were engaged in their early 20s, and married before 25.

2 of them are now divorced, but the other 5 remain happily married 20 years later.