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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Do I send that risky text or will I creep him out?

69 replies

Newbie903 · 15/09/2020 13:13

Long story short, was speaking to a guy during lockdown and there was a lot of spark/sexual chemistry. We spoke a fair bit over text but he lives an hour away. After lockdown we met up and slept together a couple of times. The talking has got less and less whilst we've both been busy with our own things and things sort of dwindled after that - I have a feeling it's cos he thought I wanted a serious thing.

I can't stop thinking about him and I'm so attracted to him, so want something super casual with him. I'm absolutely terrified to send the text though in case I freak him out, I'm SO scared of rejection and he lives an hour away anyway. Do I just do it, and how do I ask??

OP posts:

ImANosyNeighbour · 18/09/2020 00:14

Yes I agree with PP’s, don’t send any further texts and forget about him. If he was interested in a FWB he wouldn’t really care about the hour journey IMO.

OldWomanSaysThis · 18/09/2020 00:34

It's good you sent the text because now you very clearly know he is not interested in anything at all with you. You don't have to wonder or second guess. That's good!

Next!

okiedokie22 · 18/09/2020 01:23

I would definitely cut my losses with this one I don't think he seems that interested unfortunately x

Alongcameacat · 18/09/2020 01:40

He didn't say no but said you are an hour away equals he is trying not to hurt you by saying no outright and/or is keeping his options open.

Cut your losses AND block his number because otherwise he will remember that text and use it when he is drunk/bored/horny and will then forget about you again.

You are leaving yourself wide open to being hurt. Tell yourself you are worth more than that.

TableFlowerss · 18/09/2020 01:47

No day not do it!!! Take it from me and experience. Been in the same boat years ago. It’s what just us designed to do, such you in like a heroin addict that wants their last fix.

It’s the chemicals in your brain designed to be released after you sleep with a guy. It’s natures way of finding and bonding you to a ‘mate’.

It’s not the same for men as biologically they’re designed to spread their seeds far and wide. That’s why it’s rarely the man wanting more from the ONS.

You need to block him and don’t seek any kind of attention from him, unless he’s willing to or also wants a relationship.

From your post, you’ve even said. you think it’s because he thinks you want something more serious’.

Here you are trying to kid yourself you don’t. Honest OP it’s a recipe for disaster. Save yourself the heart ace!

ExhaustedFlamingo · 18/09/2020 05:35

I don't mean this to sound unkind, but you've messaged him offering no strings sex and he's basically said no thanks.

Brave of you to send that text, and why not? Life is too short to wonder why etc - but now you have your answer. Which is unfortunately clear as day.

Pull your dignity back together and if he messages you to say he's now prepared to give you some of his precious time to come and fuck you because he's horny, PLEASE PLEASE tell him nicely that you're busy. I suspect you won't but please at least think about it. Even if you're FWB there's supposed to be mutual interest on both sides.

DianaT1969 · 18/09/2020 06:39

You have closure now OP. He isn't interested. Nothing wrong with you. He probably has a few FWB lined up closer to home. Block him and move on. At least you put yourself out there and you can be clearer about what you want with the next.

Bluntness100 · 18/09/2020 06:46

That’s a gentle let down op, he’s said no. Leave it there now.

Frownette · 18/09/2020 07:50

@Bluntness100 is right, you gave it a shot, didn't work, so at least you know and he sounded kind in his response.

Time to meet someone else.

QuentinQuarantino · 18/09/2020 07:58

Ooof, scarlet for ya OP 😵.

Leave it now. And maybe do some work on your self-worth and boundaries before any further dating.

Lovemusic33 · 18/09/2020 08:04

Haven’t read all the posts but agree with what most people are saying.

I wouldn’t chase after him, if he wants to see you he will make the effort. I agree that many men enjoy the chase and then once they have slept with you they lose interest, have to admit that women can do this too (I have).

If your into him as much as you say I would say you would end up having stronger feelings for him and want more than “a casual thing”. Doing the FWB thing with someone you really really like is pretty hard.

Bluntness100 · 18/09/2020 08:10

At least you put yourself out there and you can be clearer about what you want with the next

Whereas this is true, I don’t think you were clear with this one on what you wanted, I also suspect you liked him so much you were willing to offer no strings sex as a way to keep seeing him, when you really wanted a relationship.

In reality it’s probably good for you he said no, because had he taken up the offer you’d have been more hurt in the end.

I think he’s done you a favour by saying no, although I understand that may be hard for you to see now. Next time don’t compromise like this and offer sex up as a way stay involved with someone, when what you’re actually looking for is a relationship.

There is nothing wrong with fwb when both parties are of the same mindset, but when one likes the other more, and really wants a relationship it never ever works.

You see it on here often, when they move on and develop a relationship with someone else, then it’s all “well he knew I liked him, shouldn’t he have said no when I offered, why would he keep having sex with me, when meeting other women”.

Original poster

Newbie903 · 18/09/2020 19:53

Yeah I'm not gonna lie I'm so embarrassed 😂😂 for some reason I replied saying "so you're not game then?" And he read it lol.
Time to bloooooock him and move on I think!

OP posts:

maisythehorse · 18/09/2020 20:08

Some men don't want to feel used just for sex, maybe that's why he hasn't taken you up on your offer. Never mind, move on.

widespreadpanic · 19/09/2020 01:38

If he was really interested an hour drive is not far. But probably too far to get nookie.

I dated someone an hour away and 2.5 hrs away and we saw each other every week.

SandAndSea · 19/09/2020 02:08

I love your humour over this and think it's great to put yourself out there sometimes but, I think if you're scared of rejection, a casual thing like you've described probably wouldn't be the healthiest move for you.

I also agree with people saying that if he was interested, you wouldn't have to offer no-strings sex and the distance wouldn't be an issue either.

Be kind to yourself. I would block him now and move on.

Original poster

Newbie903 · 05/10/2020 23:09

Hi guys,

Just wanted to update you all😂 thanks all for your advice, I did indeed cut my losses and just completely cut him off especially cos he got a bit rude and blunt about it.
Fast forward 3 weeks with 0 contact and he has come running back!! Messaging me drunk on the weekend asking if he can come down because he "really wants to see me".
Boy byee👋😂 you've gotta laugh really they always come running back!

OP posts:

Leimarel · 06/10/2020 14:22

So you're just his drunken booty call? He hasn't exactly come running back, with a proposal of marriage has he? I hope you didn't answer. No strings relationships never work if there are feelings on one side.

nevernotstruggling · 06/10/2020 14:26

Men are like boomerangs

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