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Relationships

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Original poster

Do I send that risky text or will I creep him out?

69 replies

Newbie903 · 15/09/2020 13:13

Long story short, was speaking to a guy during lockdown and there was a lot of spark/sexual chemistry. We spoke a fair bit over text but he lives an hour away. After lockdown we met up and slept together a couple of times. The talking has got less and less whilst we've both been busy with our own things and things sort of dwindled after that - I have a feeling it's cos he thought I wanted a serious thing.

I can't stop thinking about him and I'm so attracted to him, so want something super casual with him. I'm absolutely terrified to send the text though in case I freak him out, I'm SO scared of rejection and he lives an hour away anyway. Do I just do it, and how do I ask??

OP posts:

Bugsandslugs · 15/09/2020 19:31

You are absolutely kidding yourself if you think you can cope with him as a fwb even if he said yes. I've never thought of a fwb all the time. That's a bad sign. Your oxytocin levels are likely to be driving you demented but you need to move on. Don't devalue yourself to offering to be a bit of sex on the side at a time that's convenient for him.

Bugsandslugs · 15/09/2020 19:32

It's also a sad fact if he really wanted you to see you he'd find a way and you'd know about it. To him you were just a fling and he's moved on. Sorry that's going to sting but best you stop trying to imagine it was something more because for him it wasn't

Frownette · 15/09/2020 20:38

So you're in contact again? I really wouldn't ask for a contract as such.

It's possible your hormones are going wild but protect yourself from hurt.

Oly4 · 15/09/2020 20:41

It’s still a sad fact of life that if a man likes you, he tends to do the chasing.
Don’t kid yourself you’re happy with just a sexual relationship.
That’s not the is it?

Willowmartha1 · 15/09/2020 21:25

Do people think that if a man is interested he will contact you first ? I only ask because I always wait to be contacted I never contact first and sometimes feel bad about it ! I guess what I'm saying is if a man likes you will he ever get fed up with never being contacted first ?!

Dery · 15/09/2020 21:28

"Do people think that if a man is interested he will contact you first ? I only ask because I always wait to be contacted I never contact first and sometimes feel bad about it ! I guess what I'm saying is if a man likes you will he ever get fed up with never being contacted first ?!"

In my experience, in the early stages, if a man is sufficiently interested, he will contact you first. Once you have been dating for a while and are seeing each other regularly, I would think it odd to always wait for the man to get in touch first - by then, there should be an easy flow of messages between you.

LilyWater · 16/09/2020 01:20

As others have said, please stop devaluing yourself and stop giving yourself over to be conveniently used by a man who couldn't really care less about you. Give yourself a shake and see that sleeping with him will mess you up even more.

PatsyPet · 16/09/2020 01:40

If he was into you he would be be chasing you. If you have to ask yourself if he is interested, then he isn’t.

You maybe able to reignite the chase/tension by busying yourself with other things that make you happy. Limit texts to teasing/flirts only.

If it is this much work early on though, can you really be bothered?

RantyAnty · 16/09/2020 02:38

There are plenty of other better guys out there to invest your time in.
This situation is just going to get you used and a broken heart.

pumpkinpie01 · 16/09/2020 07:17

Op when you say you can't stop thinking about him is that because the sex was so good or because you felt such a strong connection? If it's because the sex was so good and you just want more of that , ( and who wouldn't !) then I would bring that up by text and see what his response is.

LUZON · 16/09/2020 08:30

Blimey, so many posters seem to be making this a lot more complicated than it is. I know it's not always as easy said than done but surely the best thing is to be straight with what you want. If I had wanted to see him again I would have said exactly that.

JovialNickname · 16/09/2020 08:45

Erm I don't think you have to worry about how an "I want to fuck you but expect nothing in return" text will be received; if he's male he'll be pretty happy. The real question is why are you willing to sell yourself so short when it's clear you want something more?

Isadora2007 · 16/09/2020 08:48

You’re chatting about your day- and happy to do so. Why are you so sure you don’t want an actually relationship at this time?

Frownette · 16/09/2020 08:57

I'd just say I'd like to see you rather than start imposing any terms and conditions.

Lockdown was an extremely strange time and disrupted things for months.

Original poster

Newbie903 · 17/09/2020 20:27

Sooooo... I sent that risky text 😂
I basically said that i'm keen to see him and it can be no strings.. He didn't say no or that he wasn't keen, but he did say it's a long way (I live a hour or two away) and that he's busy for the next few weekends. Do I just cut my losses?

OP posts:

category12 · 17/09/2020 20:33

How much less interested does he need to be for you to give up?

Settleandcalm · 17/09/2020 20:36

Cut your losses, he’ll only make that journey if he’s horny and has nothing else in the offing. That will be deeply hurtful.

Aerial2020 · 17/09/2020 20:43

Cut your losses
Never ever chase, you are far more important.

Crazycrazylady · 17/09/2020 20:47

Absolutely cut your losses.. he's not interested.

Purplecatshopaholic · 17/09/2020 20:54

Jeez, cut your losses.

Windmillwhirl · 17/09/2020 20:54

Honestly, I'd cut your losses. He's not that interested and lives hours away. If something did continue, it's likely that for the above reasons it would fizzle out pretty swiftly.

Dery · 17/09/2020 21:06

"I basically said that i'm keen to see him and it can be no strings.."

Okay, OP - you really need to do some serious work on your self esteem and your self respect. Why on earth would you hand yourself on a plate to a man and say you want nothing in return? Especially one you're already really hung up on. It can't be no strings because he's already taking up a huge amount of your thinking and you've only just got started. Even if that's how you feel, it's not an attractive look and hands him all the power. It looks like you don't value yourself at all and therefore why would he value you? It's an invitation to him to treat you badly.

It reminds me of an exchange between Joey and Phoebe in Friends which culminates in Joey saying (and I remember this from about 20 years ago!) "He got you to bed to sleep with him. He got you to say he didn't have to call. And he got you thinking it's a great idea. This man is my hero".

Don't worry about having sent that text on this occasion - but do learn from it. Next time you're interested in a man - please let him chase you, make him work a bit for you. Treat yourself like someone worth making an effort for. Because you are and because if he's really interested, he will.

OneFootintheRave · 17/09/2020 21:20

@Newbie903

Sooooo... I sent that risky text 😂 I basically said that i'm keen to see him and it can be no strings.. He didn't say no or that he wasn't keen, but he did say it's a long way (I live a hour or two away) and that he's busy for the next few weekends. Do I just cut my losses?

Hi Newbie.

There's nothing wrong with putting it out there that you want a FWB but if I had done that and received that reply I would be cringing 😬.

Bow out gracefully for now and tell him to take care and leave it at that. If he popped back up in a while and suggested a meet up then I would give him the same line. "It's really far and I'm busy"

newnameforthis123 · 17/09/2020 23:14

@Newbie903

Sooooo... I sent that risky text 😂 I basically said that i'm keen to see him and it can be no strings.. He didn't say no or that he wasn't keen, but he did say it's a long way (I live a hour or two away) and that he's busy for the next few weekends. Do I just cut my losses?

Yes. Oh god 100% yes.

Frownette · 17/09/2020 23:47

I think the fact that you've sent that text and got that response means yes, relegate him to the past.

He's never going to be anything you want.

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