I want to see my friend without her daughter

[CornflakeMum]

Long term friend, pre-Covid used to see her 1-2 times a week. Met up for a coffee or went for a walk together etc. We've known each other for 20+ years!

Her 21 year old daughter ("Lucy") graduated this year and is now back at home looking for jobs. I know her daughter and she'd probably consider me a family friend/godmother-type person. I like her, and we'll chat etc when I see her. She's quite a shy, home-loving sort of girl and probably doesn't know many people at home now.

However whenever I try to organise something with my friend she seems to now automatically bring Lucy too. We invited her and her DH over for an evening BBQ and she texted "is Lucy invited too?"
We arranged to meet for a walk and coffee and she texted me to say they were running late as Lucy was a bit late back from the gym.
If I go over to hers to drop something off and sit in garden for a cup of tea then Lucy will come and join us.
I suggested we go to a local gallery and she said, "I'll just check Lucy is free that day."

As I say, I like her, but it does end up changing the dynamic rather and I miss being about to chat about the things we usually discuss like people we know and what our kids are up to.

Does this seem slightly weird? I'm finding it hard to say "how about just the two of us meet up?" in case she's offended, but it's beginning to feel like an awkward threesome!

The mums with socially awkward DDs aren’t allowing them to develop social skills when they are in a group of ppl they already know and are familiar with, they need to find their own interests and friends. It’s just mummy continuing to shield them and treat them like kids.

I am not too surprised that these socially clumsy mothers have socially awkward daughters.....

[quote Scarby9]@Bluntness100 Does it work the other way round too? If your daughter meets up or goes out with a friend or a group of friends, do you assume you are included and go along each time?[/quote]
God no....😂

@Sssloou spot on👍🏼
@Bluntness100 can you see the irony here??

No this is very odd indeed!! Ask her outright just say 'does your daughter need to come all the time?'

ssslou the fuck you on about 😂

Yes I'm so fabulous, so is my daughter, so are my friends - we're all positive friendly people who have a great time together, don't you just HATE it when that happens 😂

bluntness I get you completely and I'm in shock that having sociable kids that your friends like being around are such an abhorrent thought on this thread 🤣

I love spending time with my friends and their daughters and sons if they're good kids with interesting personalities, I care about them too and will keep my shagging chars for 1:1 of course 🙄, fair enough if it's awkward if the kids are awkward, but it never is in my circle and MN wants me to feel bad about us being socially well adjusted 🤔 weird

@Gilda152
Are you aware how arrogant you come across?
You only like interesting DC not the awkward ones 🙄
You cannot be that daft not to see you’re in a minority of this jolly japes crap??

UPDATE (because I KNOW MNers like to know )

So I met my friend yesterday - all was fine and Lucy wasn't there!
But as I said, I didn't expect her to be, as we met on the other side of town and she doesn't drive.

We didn't really talk about it, as it didn't naturally come up in conversation, but I did find out that Lucy now has some volunteering work and I carefully noted which days it was, so I can always steer future meet ups towards those .

I think it's just going to be a temporary thing for the coming months as apparently Lucy might be doing a postgrad in another town next year. Phew!

Yah!!! glad you had a nice time 👍🏼

That’s great news.
Glad you had a good day.
Glad Lucy has things to engage her and look forward to and I am sure that your friend is v relieved and happy to be free to enjoy your company again.

Thank you for the update! Glad things are looking positive!

Great :)

I have a 17 year old daughter...she would rather stick pins in her eyes than hang out with me and my friends....I also would not bring her along if she asked to come as I think its rude and not fair on my friends.