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Original poster

Partner keeps touching his own nipples

164 replies

sharonJJ55 · 08/09/2020 00:06

Recently slept with new partner for the first time and he has this habit of keep flicking and pinching his nipples to turn himself on. Literally every time his hands weren't on me I could see him doing this to his nipples & it was a bit of a turn off. I've never had a man do this before, especially to themselves so much during sex. Would this put you off and how do I bring up this subject to him? Is it a bit worrying that he needs to do this so much to turn himself on?

If you've found this page in your search of nipple toys and clamps that have been recommended by fellow Mumsnet users, you might find our guide to the best nipple toys useful. Hope this helps! MNHQ

OP posts:
SoulofanAggron · 08/09/2020 12:12

Men are turned on by women touching themselves, I dont get why so many women feel the exact opposite by men doing the same thing!

@PyongyangKipperbang Because, as you say, it's something that women might do in porn etc. If someone likes their men quite masculine it'd be a real turn off. I'm not saying it's right to feel that way, but that's the way it goes.

Original poster
sharonJJ55 · 08/09/2020 12:16

Thanks for all your comments. I'm absolutely happy to touch and lick his nipples a bit to turn him on (and would as a normal part of intimacy with anyone) but was just turned off by him doing it to himself ALL the time the whole way through both foreplay and sex. It was like every time I wasn't literally looking straight at him he was doing it again. Like one hand on me and one hand flicking his nipples or both hands just doing himself whilst having sex with me.

I guess some of you are right that the womanly, fetish image of it all just turned me off. I wouldn't keep doing something that I think is unusual (I'm quite experienced and have never had this before) to myself the whole way through so found it strange that he was. Hmmm I might broach the subject tactfully with him

OP posts:
FlapsInTheWind · 08/09/2020 12:24

Fair play OP. That would turn me right off! I can't exactly explain why.
I think as someone upthread said, it seems like a feminine trait but
....Bleurgh. No sorry.

EDSGFC · 08/09/2020 12:30

@FlapsInTheWind

Fair play OP. That would turn me right off! I can't exactly explain why. I think as someone upthread said, it seems like a feminine trait but ....Bleurgh. No sorry.
Why is it a feminine trait?

Does that mean you think it would be ok for a woman to do it, but it's not ok for a man?

Opentooffers · 08/09/2020 12:46

Some men happen to have erotically sensitive nipples, good for them, an extra element. I'd be fine with doing it for them, in fact being able to turn someone on by doing that seems a bonus. However, if he wanted it to just be him doing it rather than you, then that would be a bit off-putting. I'd say join in next time, if it stops him doing it then problem solved.

Original poster
sharonJJ55 · 08/09/2020 12:46

EDSGFC it's not about not liking him touching his own body at all. You're missing the point that it's a very specific thing to do and in my experience is unusual. I wouldn't spend most of my time continually touching myself during foreplay and sex in a very unusual way and therefore found it odd that he did. Yes we all touch ourselves when turned on but not ALL the time and for me (and this doesn't seem outrageous given the support here) that it's a bit festishy and not a particular manly thing for him to be doing.
And yes I would find it strange if a woman kept doing it that much too, but from my perspective my male partner doing it just seemed extra weird

OP posts:
Original poster
sharonJJ55 · 08/09/2020 12:48

@Opentooffers

Some men happen to have erotically sensitive nipples, good for them, an extra element. I'd be fine with doing it for them, in fact being able to turn someone on by doing that seems a bonus. However, if he wanted it to just be him doing it rather than you, then that would be a bit off-putting. I'd say join in next time, if it stops him doing it then problem solved.
I think it was more the amount he was doing it. TMI but he was even doing both hands during sex and whilst pleasuring me. Literally every time i looked at him he was tweaking both his nipples
OP posts:
EDSGFC · 08/09/2020 12:53

My comment was aimed at the poster who said it was a feminine trait, as though it would be ok for a woman to do it but not a man.

You keep saying it's unusual but it's not so completely out there is it? It's not like he was wanting to engage in some completely unknown fetish.

You didn't like it I get it. Surely the answer is to just move on and not have sex with him again? No need to shame him or try to control how he touches his own body.

FlapsInTheWind · 08/09/2020 13:12

@EDSGFC

My comment was aimed at the poster who said it was a feminine trait, as though it would be ok for a woman to do it but not a man.

You keep saying it's unusual but it's not so completely out there is it? It's not like he was wanting to engage in some completely unknown fetish.

You didn't like it I get it. Surely the answer is to just move on and not have sex with him again? No need to shame him or try to control how he touches his own body.

I don't think the OP is shaming him. I think she is being given the ick by it and wants to know if she is unreasonable. She can be given the ick by anything at all of course. There are clearly some people that this would not bother and some that it would turn them on.

I stand by the 'feminine' comment. I'm not saying I am right to feel like that but it's how I feel. He can do what he wants with his own body parts. I don't give a monkey's but like the OP, this would turn me off too.

troublingtimes · 08/09/2020 13:27

Bizarre to me I’m afraid and it would put me off. You’re best off moving on and finding somebody else. Do you really want to spend however many years watching that? Nope. I had to finish with a really lovely boyfriend because his penis was weird. He was really lovely but his bits and pieces just looked strange and everytime we got intimate looking at it reminded me of the time that a dog does one of those strange totally white poops?! I couldn’t get over the fact that his penis looked like a dog poop. So I had to dump him. Sad but there it is. Not everyone is compatible

borntohula · 08/09/2020 13:35

I can see where you're coming from tbh. It does seem unusual because I've never been with anyone who enjoys nipple stimulation but I really do, so personally, I associate it with turn ons for women which would put me off. 🤷

Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel · 08/09/2020 13:37

Ick

EDSGFC · 08/09/2020 13:39

@borntohula

I can see where you're coming from tbh. It does seem unusual because I've never been with anyone who enjoys nipple stimulation but I really do, so personally, I associate it with turn ons for women which would put me off. 🤷
But I find this utterly bizarre - you enjoy it, and that's ok, but a man can't?

How would you feel if a partner told you they found your liking for it bizarre or a turn off?

wizzbangfizz · 08/09/2020 13:41

It's a no from me Confused

TheHighestSardine · 08/09/2020 13:52

Hilarious. All those old arguments about "nipples are just nipples, men can take their shirts off why can't we" out the window as soon as men start enjoying their nipples like we do.

You're all being unreasonable if you think men should be all butch and manly and never enjoy their own tits.

WhoWouldHaveThoughtThat · 08/09/2020 14:08

I think if he does it in the privacy of his own home that's probably OK.
If he starts doing it standing in the pulpit whilst giving his weekly sermon that would not be OK.

Rigamorph · 08/09/2020 14:18

If you have only had sex the one time and everything else about the relationship seems good so far then I would maybe give it a bit longer and a few more tries.
Perhaps he was nervous about losing his erection (it happens, even when he finds you attractive!) and was doing what he knows is guaranteed to work.
Perhaps once he relaxes with you and also learns that you are willing to do it for him he might not need to do it constantly.
And although I agree you shouldn't have to endure something that turns you off it does seem like the kind of thing that might not bother you in small quantities?
(I also loved the typos - gore play and mama's nipples - can we have a thread about those?! Grin )

Original poster
sharonJJ55 · 08/09/2020 14:54

@Rigamorph

If you have only had sex the one time and everything else about the relationship seems good so far then I would maybe give it a bit longer and a few more tries. Perhaps he was nervous about losing his erection (it happens, even when he finds you attractive!) and was doing what he knows is guaranteed to work. Perhaps once he relaxes with you and also learns that you are willing to do it for him he might not need to do it constantly. And although I agree you shouldn't have to endure something that turns you off it does seem like the kind of thing that might not bother you in small quantities? (I also loved the typos - gore play and mama's nipples - can we have a thread about those?! Grin )
Haha I did laugh this morning when I read the typos!! Strangely they also fit in a weird funny way🤣 in my defence I wrote the post late last night so tiredness took precedence over the grammar check.

Thank you everyone for understanding and posting. I certainly would never shame him or make him feel bad but a tactful discussion might help 😁

OP posts:
Anydreamwilldo12 · 08/09/2020 15:43

It would certainly put me off as that's al, I would be able to concentrate on, looking to see if he was doing it.
I would have asked him straight out...what's with the nipple thing?

user1471538283 · 08/09/2020 15:45

Nah this isn't good. I get that they may be sensitive but to do it all the time ...

Crystal87 · 08/09/2020 15:49

Seems strange. I can see why this would be off putting but each to their own I guess. He's allowed to touch his own body if that's what gives him pleasure, but equally, you are allowed to be turned off by it.

flatwhite99 · 08/09/2020 15:53

Ew! No! 🤣🤣🤣😍😍

conduitoffortune · 08/09/2020 15:54

This made me feel sick just reading about it, but I can't explain why!

Arealnumber · 08/09/2020 16:05

Very wise words from WellThisIsShit

Personally sounds totally grim to me. Gross!

Arealnumber · 08/09/2020 16:12

@troublingtimes

Bizarre to me I’m afraid and it would put me off. You’re best off moving on and finding somebody else. Do you really want to spend however many years watching that? Nope. I had to finish with a really lovely boyfriend because his penis was weird. He was really lovely but his bits and pieces just looked strange and everytime we got intimate looking at it reminded me of the time that a dog does one of those strange totally white poops?! I couldn’t get over the fact that his penis looked like a dog poop. So I had to dump him. Sad but there it is. Not everyone is compatible
This really made me laugh. I'm quite sure there's some stony faced, let's get serious and appreciate all expressions of sexuality people on here.....but I do think this is so true. There's an ex of mine from a long, long time ago that turns my stomach still when I think of his bits. As you say, it's sad but sometimes you just can't fix things and pretend all is well in life....you just have to move on....fast!