What moment was it that you realised your ex was a piece of shit?

[Lifechanging9]

I was seeing my ex for just over a year. There were a lot of problems and looking back now I'm not sure why I stayed for so long. I'm just glad we don't have children together and I was able to cut him out of my life completely.

He use to put me down a lot but the moment I saw his true colours was when he stayed at my house for a couple of days. He works shift patterns and so sometimes we wouldn't get to see each other properly. He stayed at my house for two days whilst I was still working. We would spend the evenings/night together but during the day he'd be by himself in my house whilst I was out at work. I'm a cleaner so due to the nature of the job I don't wear make up because I sweat, so it's pretty pointless.

One evening I didn't get home until late, around 7pm and he asked me if I wanted to go out for a meal to save cooking, nothing fancy just some pub grub or something. I said sure and that I'd just jump in the shower and sort my hair out and then we'd go. He then proceeded to ask me why I wasn't putting any make up on and I said because I didn't feel like it and because it was late and I didn't want to spend 30 mins faffing around with my face. Really didn't think it was an issue, I normally made an effort with my hair and make up when we spent time together but just didn't see the need to that night. He then said that "I needed make up" which of course I found quite hurtful. We ended up going for the meal and I just ignored the issue.

A few days later we got into an argument about something unrelated and I brought up the make up comment. I thought I'd give him a chance to rectify what he'd said and make things right, but instead he proceeded to tell me "how wrong it was that I'd not worn make up for the two days that he was there". I asked him why on earth he wanted to be with me if he didn't find me attractive and also explain that it wasn't a law that women must wear make up 24/7. From that moment I saw him in a completely different light and ended things. He tried to win me back but it didn't work. I just always thought to myself "what happens when/if we have kids and I don't get time to put make up on every day or if I put a bit of weight on or get ill and don't look perfect".

He's done much worse things now that I think about it but for some reason this one stuck, not sure why. It's not that I think I'm "pretty" or "gorgeous" but I'm content with myself and I feel he took that away from me and really knocked my confidence. It was only a couple of weeks prior to him making that comment that he said how much he loved me natural so his comments came as a shock.

Oh I know this type. They want a glamour puss on their arm in public to big themselves up (in their eyes). I bet he needed make up more than you did!

Oh absolutely! @TwentyViginti , I remember him saying how much he loved the fact that I made so much effort with my hair and make up when we first met. It didn't really click me then though but looking back now there were so many red flags which I chose to ignore, big mistake on my part.

The funny thing is because of his job (having to wear a protective suit) he had scabs all over his legs and bum which weren't very attractive but I could never imagine drawing attention to it and making him feel awful about it. I wish I had now.

Well, OP, you're a much better person than Scabby Arse, so no need to insult the guy in revenge

Thank you @TwentyViginti

Good on you! DUMP people who are twats at the very first sign of it and don't look back.

My ex called me an 'ignorant bitch'. That was it. Out he went.

I used to work with a very beautiful lady.
One day she told me that the morning after her wedding she came down to breakfast without make up on. Her dh went mad and told her to go straight back up and put her make up on and never come down without it again.
50 years later they're still together but I know he's been an abusive arse for most of their marriage.

I think if she'd had the support to leave she would have done.

You did the right thing to bin him off ! Imagine going through life with one eye of a clock and rushing off to the bathroom to put on make up because he is due home any minute. Fuck that.
Being home these past few months I've not worn make up at all , and yet to go to the hairdressers since January . My dh is not fazed by that , nor would I expect him to be.You are with the person , not a few quids worth of slap.

I had an ex who tried to control what I wore all the time. He started off by complimenting me and I found it flattering that he took an interest in me. Then he started telling certain clothes didn’t suit me. He criticised me if I wore leggings under a tunic style dress, or long boots, or a practical coat, which drew lots of compliments from others. He then began trying to tell me what underwear to buy. He hated thongs and big pants, tried getting me to buy Brazilian style knickers which I did but eventually told him to stop. He told me he hated long hair. He then told me that I was the fattest woman he had ever been with, I was a size 12.
Total dick and there were other issues too.

A long time ago, Chilling on my sofa and discussing with then boyfriend in a casual way, what we wanted from life.

And he said 'I want to live in this house'.

Not 'I want us to be together' but 'I want your house' When a man tells you who he is.........

When he tried to get an occupation order and prohibitive steps against me whilst I was in custody after he got me arrested!
Both got refused .. and I was released and not charged with anything. He lost a lot more than the house and the kids in the end and I wonder how I didn't see the signs. He's desperately unhappy , karma

The moment he pulled a knife on me in front of our 10 year old disabled son & the time before when he strangled me in front of him. Everyone thinks he is the nicest guy in the planet but I know the real him & he is a grade A piece of shit who I’m now divorcing.

A couple of weeks ago, after he’d asked me to arrange a threesome for the day after he’d got back from a short holiday, to fulfil a long held fantasy of his.

I agreed, sorted it all out (took some organising), only to be ghosted. Finally got hold of him last week, when he told me he’d had a nervous breakdown and I was not to question him

When my ex wouldn't come to my termination appointment, preferring instead to be elsewhere and have fun.

Any love I had for him disappeared in that moment.

It took a Mumsnet thread to help me see he was just mining me for sex basically, but one 'conversation' definitely was one of the final blows.

I had told him I didn't like certain things he was into sexually, and yet he kept asking for them. I told him not to do this as it was manipulative. So, I'd said I didn't like X, Y, Z.

We got back to his and were in the front room.

He went

'Do you like doing A?'

'How about B?'

'Will we ever do C again?'

'How about D? And what if someone were watching us, would you want to stop them?'

Then he asked what my plan was for the day. He had this annoying habit where he would sexualize my normal life.

I said I might go to an LGBT film night to see a film and he said 'oh that's good, you might pull.'

Then I said I might go and see my best friend later and he said 'Do you ever want to shag Fred? Would you give him a blow job?'

I was so uncomfortable with this whole conversation and it made it clear what he was like. Within a few days I blocked him.

When he made me sleep on the floor at 7m pregnant.

When he called me a fucking bitch in front of both sets of our families one Christmas. Sadly it took me another year or so to leave him.

My exH decided to shag his boss, video it and accidentally sent it to the family iPad. That's when I realised.

I should have realised before. He said to me (size 10/12 me) 'if you lost some weight you'd actually be attractive'

I got off a long haul flight from an overseas conference, utterly shattered. He was to be picking me up at the airport. I arrived late at night, looking around, wondering where he was, so exhausted I was weepy. Then I spied him, standing half concealed behind a pillar, observing me. That was his entertainment apparently. He said he "wanted to see how [I'd] react". I went home, quietly got my ducks in a row and moved out four months later.

When he said "While you're living in my house you'll do as your told".
We were married, though not for much longer, and he'd bought the house with some money he'd conned out of a girlfriend and put the house in his name only, none of which I knew about prior to his comment. He was an arsewipe through and through.

When the A&E Dr told me my arm was in fact broken but the bruises to my eye socket would heal.
Ex is a drunken bastard

I got home from work one evening and he told me, if the phone rings don't answer. Bit weird but I thought he was waiting for a call.
Phone rings and he picked up, started talking about Oh yes, on the way home from work, totally heartbroken etc etc.
He'd told all our friends I'd been killed in a road accident to see how much sympathy he'd get. When everyone was more upset that I was apparently dead he got angry and admitted that I was still alive. I left a couple of weeks later.

I guess the day my ex tried to strangle me was the day I realised he was a piece of shit. Unfortunately I stayed a little bit longer and took more abuse.

When he sent me a WhatsApp message accidentally asking if "I kiss on the mouth and do oral without a condom", that he meant to send to a sex worker.

@NC4todayx That is so weird. Did he show any remorse?

@vampirethriller Did he have any friends left after they found out it was a lie?

The most recent one I was with for around 18 months.

When he last caused an argument with me, and my friend pointed out that every time we argued it was before something important for me.

• Exams
• Medical appointments
• Starting my new job

I thought about it and totalled up around 8 of those incidents. Told him to come and fetch any stuff he had here because we were over.