What moment was it that you realised your ex was a piece of shit?

[Lifechanging9]

I was seeing my ex for just over a year. There were a lot of problems and looking back now I'm not sure why I stayed for so long. I'm just glad we don't have children together and I was able to cut him out of my life completely.

He use to put me down a lot but the moment I saw his true colours was when he stayed at my house for a couple of days. He works shift patterns and so sometimes we wouldn't get to see each other properly. He stayed at my house for two days whilst I was still working. We would spend the evenings/night together but during the day he'd be by himself in my house whilst I was out at work. I'm a cleaner so due to the nature of the job I don't wear make up because I sweat, so it's pretty pointless.

One evening I didn't get home until late, around 7pm and he asked me if I wanted to go out for a meal to save cooking, nothing fancy just some pub grub or something. I said sure and that I'd just jump in the shower and sort my hair out and then we'd go. He then proceeded to ask me why I wasn't putting any make up on and I said because I didn't feel like it and because it was late and I didn't want to spend 30 mins faffing around with my face. Really didn't think it was an issue, I normally made an effort with my hair and make up when we spent time together but just didn't see the need to that night. He then said that "I needed make up" which of course I found quite hurtful. We ended up going for the meal and I just ignored the issue.

A few days later we got into an argument about something unrelated and I brought up the make up comment. I thought I'd give him a chance to rectify what he'd said and make things right, but instead he proceeded to tell me "how wrong it was that I'd not worn make up for the two days that he was there". I asked him why on earth he wanted to be with me if he didn't find me attractive and also explain that it wasn't a law that women must wear make up 24/7. From that moment I saw him in a completely different light and ended things. He tried to win me back but it didn't work. I just always thought to myself "what happens when/if we have kids and I don't get time to put make up on every day or if I put a bit of weight on or get ill and don't look perfect".

He's done much worse things now that I think about it but for some reason this one stuck, not sure why. It's not that I think I'm "pretty" or "gorgeous" but I'm content with myself and I feel he took that away from me and really knocked my confidence. It was only a couple of weeks prior to him making that comment that he said how much he loved me natural so his comments came as a shock.

@BestUseADifferentName yep. Don't ask me how.

That's so strange. If a friend did something similar to me is think they were a sociopath at the least.

He spent the £7k that was supposed to be for fixing our car on cocaine and then stole money off our 7 year old. That was the final straw.

When he left me sitting outside in the car en route home when I was ill with scarlet fever. I could barely think straight because of the high temperature, but he had to have a full English breakfast and read the paper in a cafe.

He also used to shout at ds when he was a baby, just when I was leaving the house for a nightshift, knowing that it would make me frightened and upset.

I soon got rid though, and he has a crap life now 😄

Jesus reading these is heartbreaking. Some men are absolute CUNTS x

He got a job after years of sponging off me. Claimed always to be skint though. Never enough to chip in for bills. Always money for golf and the pub. Never anything for anything.. Managed to persuade him I needed copies of his pay slips. When he handed them in a sealed envelope I knew something was up.
Saw his bank statement over his shoulder.
He had been paid well for a year and had me borrowing off family to pay bills.
It was a Sunday evening..
I filed for divorce the next day and threw him out.

Yes to the causing a scene right before anything good or bad that was important to me. So new job or death in family, both fair game.
I came to realise it was because the attention was - temporarily - not 100% on him and he didn't like that, so tantrums & / or stonewalling.

He was - very vocally - a Christian. And would lecture me constantly about God. Whilst still legally and 'morally' married (long separated but 'in the eyes of God' etc ) and having 2 other 'affairs, I discovered.
I tolerated a great deal of sanctimonious rubbish. I think he was trying to prove to himself that he was a decent person but he wasn't.

But then he criticised my disabled child. And that was when the scales fell from my eyes and I saw him for the pathetic person he is.

A million reasons collated but when he told me I was unable to go see my newly born newphew (first grandchild in the family) as he needed me to help him pick a mattress and that was more important. I walked out of a 5 year relationship and never been happier.

We were in the pub chatting to a man who was sharing our table as it was busy. The conversation turned to sex (no idea why ) and the guy said he always refused to wear condoms. I was feeling prickly about this as was suffering cracked ribs at the time due to a gallbladder infection as a result of my last depo injection so I pointedly asked him what he would do if he got a girl pregnant. He said he would use a coat hanger and laughed

I said he was disgusting and my ex just rolled his eyes and loudly said "oh ffs Sparkl calm down". I left them both at the table and went home.

He followed me as he had left his jacket at mine. I tried to talk it out but he just said he didn't want to be with a girl who was "outspoken" like me. I shrugged and said I'm never going to be the good little girl who puts up and shuts up and if you don't like it you know where the door is. He left.

I recently found out he's seeing someone new. All I feel is pity for the controlling horrible shit she's got to come

There are loads with my narcissistic ex, but the two that’s stick out the most are when I was 16 weeks pregnant. I suffer ulcerative colitis and was struggling in pregnancy. I was admitted at my hospital appointment and put in to high dependency. Then oh said he’d nip home and get me some things. Whilst gone I was seen by the surgeon who said I needed an emergency operation to remove part of my bowel and that I needed to abort the baby. I called him in tears and he just said, it’s for the best. He then proceeded to go out on the town with an old FWB... I fought my corner and kept my baby who is now 2.

The other was when son was about 8 weeks. I’d had a forceps delivery and huge episiotomy and then when he was 3 weeks I had part of my bowel removed, OH needed a break so took the weekend with his old FWB and told me it was with his male friend. When I question him ( I logged into his iPad and checked his messages) he said it was because id not given him any attention recently and he needed some.

He’s still an arsehole now and we’ve been separated for over a year.

@LivingMyBestLife2020 He sounds absolutely awful. So glad you made it through your pregnancy and have your LO, and are now free.

How is your health now?

@SoulofanAggron my health is still not good. I still have quite bad symptoms but a lot of the pain has gone which helps. I think it’s my new normal unless I make the dew ten my son is a little older to take more bowel out and have an ostomy bag. I’m good though. I’m super strong

Decision, not dew tan!

Men are trash!
Not all men, but Enough Men, this thread is heartbreaking.

Some of these are truly shocking!

Mines a bit more tame but...

So I was with him for five years. Not bad, but not good enough to continue and I'd begun to have had enough. He said we could put our households together and buy, but I could then pay him £600 rent to live there... he was tight and mean.

But the final straw was when I FINALLY got this job I'd been going for. I'd been a DV advisor for 11 years and was truly overwhelmed by the demands of it. I worked and worked for this corporate job, desperate to get out of my charity role, waited and waited to hear, three interviews etc. The recruitment consultant finally rang at 4ish one busy afternoon and YES!! Got it!!!

So I rang bf, left the news in a message and waited for him to come round later. When he arrived, I expected him to bust in yelling 'well done!!!' etc.......and he came in, said hello and started listing off the things hed done during the day. This, this, this and this....and hmmm, anything else? Let me see....and moved his eyes around trying to think if he had anything else left to say.

I just felt so angry with him. He knew how much the job meant to me, what a big change it would be and how relieved and excited I was and he just could not give me that moment. I realised that I didn't like him and had little respect for him. Left within weeks.

OP, I'd ditch any man as well who thought that.

I still remember as a child my mum (of 5 kids and an evening job) putting on some lipstick and looking out of the window for my dad. Even at 12 years old, I found it sad that she felt she had to do that.

When I discovered he was sleeping with me and my friend at the same time.

There were a few, in hindsight. The first was when I was in labour with our son - and ex decided to vanish off to have a nap in the car, because he was tired... then went home to his parents house. He missed our son's birth completely.

The second was when he refused to pick up my frantic calls when son was 3 days old, because the midwife was concerned his sacral dimple wasn't closed, and the GP wouldn't see him unless his birth had been registered. Midwife was adamant it might be an emergency, so we ended up with an emergency registrar appointment... and my ex's name didn't go down on the birth certificate (not married, but by then, even if we had of been, I don't think I'd have said so). This caused him to tantrum about it, when he realised - a year later. Son is now 16, and there's still a blank space under "Father's details" - because ex can't be arsed to sort it out. (Son's dimple was closed, incidentally, just very deep?)

Then, when son was 2, and innocently telling me about "Daddy's new friend" after their father/son afternoons out, denouncing him as a liar. Son is on the spectrum and simply doesn't know how to lie. Certainly not at 2 years old. Ex, on the other hand...!

Then, when son was 4, taking him off out for the day - before ringing me to tell him that his "new friend" had given birth to their baby that morning, and he was taking son to the SCBU to meet her (son ended up having nightmares about the place for months afterwards).

We'd known each other since we were 11, been together on/off since 14, hooked up properly when we were 22 after he'd helped hold me together following a very abusive relationship/surprise pregnancy. My daughter adored him, we had a shared history together, I got on well with his family... but in hindsight, because of that shared history, and how vulnerable I was at the time we hooked up, it was a disaster waiting to happen. I refused to allow him to move in, because my daughter came first; he went travelling regularly and made jokes about drugs to wind me up (he does this to son, too). The main thing I'll never forgive him for though, is the deceit. The betrayal of my children. The way he denounced our son as a liar.

He's married to the OW now, and I know from mutual friends that he's cheated on her at least 3 times that they know of. I've not spoken to him since son was 5. Son refuses to see him, now he's old enough to have his choices listened to. Yet ex is apparently still "Mr Nice Guy" and "the life and soul of every party...". I really don't envy his wife.

Not only was she having an affair but then introduced a new man to the kids within a fortnight of me leaving the family home (at her request).
Subsequently finding out she'd taken out a 20k loan in our names that she stopped paying after two months (I had to file a police report to get my name removed from the account). This was part of a larger debt which could have lost us the house.
She's also been telling the kids the last two years that i dont want to see them and had to back down a few months ago as she couldnt afford the court fees on top of having no justification.
My 12 year old has seen a very small part of this and been subject to her abusive behavious both emotional and physical. He pretty much hates her.

I think just how quickly he moved on. I split up with him as I just wasn’t feeling the relationship, I’m in my early 20s and he just wanted to speed ahead with moving in together and kids etc and I was just uncomfortable with the prospect as I didn’t feel the same way about him. He did the whole love bombing thing and I felt like he wasn’t sincere.

Anyway a month after I dumped him, he was in a full blown relationship with someone he just met. Fb official, photos everywhere, statuses saying how in love he is and how beautiful she is. Which is fine (I’m not jealous) but it’s weird knowing he’s saying to her the exact same things he was saying to me a month earlier! Just cemented in my head that he wasn’t being sincere.

Sorry, that should say sincere to me*

There were also other things that came out after I dumped him such as his usage of cocaine, drink driving and past use of prostitutes. Before I knew this, my gut was telling me something wasn’t right; my intuition was right all along!

When he was stood over me, finger in my face and yelling at me awfully as my waters were breaking, saying he would start to divorce me when the baby was 4 weeks old....

I think one of the final straws was, I was upset having been to visit my terminally relative, so he told me to visit them less.

When he called me a cunt in front of the kids, and friends.

When he gripped my lovely ddog by the neck and said "The time and attention you give your dog, you should give to me." He then stabbed my ddog with a 12", 2 pronged meat carving fork. I had ddog PTS the next day. That was the beginning of the end but I was still too scared of him. When I saw his engagement photos on FB, (he worked abroad) it gave me the hope I needed to organise leaving his house.