Page 3 | What moment was it that you realised your ex was a piece of shit?

roundandsideways · 07/09/2020 19:52

When he befriended an ex that raped me, after I told him what had ended the relationship.

Sparklfairy · 07/09/2020 20:01

@willowmelangell

When he gripped my lovely ddog by the neck and said "The time and attention you give your dog, you should give to me." He then stabbed my ddog with a 12", 2 pronged meat carving fork. I had ddog PTS the next day. That was the beginning of the end but I was still too scared of him. When I saw his engagement photos on FB, (he worked abroad) it gave me the hope I needed to organise leaving his house.

Oh my god that is truly awful! Your poor dog

I'm so sorry

Glitterb · 07/09/2020 20:12

When he slept with a girl from work (we worked together) and tried to lie about it.

He was a complete arse and I look back and just think how stupid I was.

WoodenFox · 07/09/2020 20:24

He called me all sorts of nasty names because I'd put petrol in the car to go and see my father whom I'd been told had a few days left to live. Didn't like me spending money on fuel to see my family!

My father hung on a while longer but on another occasion when I was told he had a few days left, I found out H was telling his family we'd be coming into some money soon (my inheritance!) and how HE was going to spend it! When he found out my father had pulled through again, he had a temper tantrum and sulked for a few days!

By the time my father did pass away 7 months later, I'd divorced the asshole and made him sign a clean break order meaning he couldn't touch a penny of my fathers money. Just to add an extra sting, I actually ended up with 3 times the amount of money he'd been telling his family 'we'd' be getting!

GilbertMarkham · 07/09/2020 22:06

These pale into insignificance compared to many of the things done to ops itt, but anyway;

Both things I realised quite a while after we finished because I'm so naive, 1. I realised he'd had a very young New Foundland dog destroyed that he and his kids had not trained, or given any company (and increasingly not walked and occasionally not fed) without looking into rehoming or returning to the seller .. because it was so stupid (and untrained) it had "mouthed" a child's head and he was scared of being sued by the parent, or by someone else because it was breaking out of their yard where it was bored shitless, lonely and smelling the village's food vans (where it was thrown food by locals after the pub).

That he'd told his friend (also his relative) embarrassing information I'd told him in confidence about having gotten involved in shoplifting as a student (I was about 35/36 in the relationship with him) and sat back while his friend baited me/challenged me about it during a social call to his house. I didn't realise until long after - at the time I just thought it was an even weirder, more ranty conversation than he usually made.

GilbertMarkham · 07/09/2020 22:08

Sorry, re. the dog destruction; I forgot to say he told me he'd rehomed the dog and that the new owners had offered a visit or two, so I asked for visits for a couple of months but he always made excuses and turned me down.

GilbertMarkham · 07/09/2020 22:08

He must have thought "this girl is greener than new cut grass".

New2thismumthing · 07/09/2020 22:18

I was with my ex 3 years, here's some of the things I should have left him for:-

He called me a cunt if front of all our friends.

He would always put me down, I was 18 and he was 22 and I got a job and a car before him and he would put me down about it and sulked.

He would literally turn up everywhere if I went out without him, he was there when me and my friends went to the cinema, the pub, out for a meal etc as a "coincidence".

I can't remember anything else but he wasn't my favourite - when I broke up with him, he purposed on my bedroom floor and passed out when I said no

Tilly1313 · 07/09/2020 22:25

He left me stranded 10 hours away from home in the arse end of nowhere. Oh and took my car and purse with all my cash (he had no money or job)

Two taxis, 8 hour train and lots of wine later I got home. After all my friends rallied round to pay for shit as I had no cards.

This was yesterday! Go me I think I may win

Police are involved now.

Oh and he stripped my house bare.

jmh740 · 07/09/2020 22:37

I was with ex for 6 years we had a ds together there were lots of things we split up when ds was around 4 but the one that really made me mad was I was skint he didnt give me any maintenance the majority of my wages went on the mortgage it was a few days before pay day my parents were away and ds fell and split his head open. I rang ex to ask him to drive us to a&e he said no get a taxi i said i didnt have enough money for a taxi and he said tough and hung up on me. There was no way to get to a&e so I patched ds up the best I could and spent all night wide awake watching him sleep crying my eyes out.

colouringindoors · 07/09/2020 22:42

A number of years ago my now ex took dd out on her bike and she ended up breaking her leg badly. She was in such pain, she and i didn't sleep for a fortnight. I ended up on anti-depressants which one weekend made me suicidal. He found me. But proceeded to go away for weekend as planned to make business contacts. i was devastated he'd left me when i was so vulnerable. Six months later we were out for dinner I told him I'd finally got past it as it had been so upsetting. He told me he that he hadn't had to go, didn't stay because he didnt think he could do anything. Only time in my life I've walked out of a restaurant. When he caught up with me, he was angry with ME for embarassing him in the restaurant. That was the night our long marriage ended for me.

colouringindoors · 07/09/2020 22:43

He like others looks like a nice guy to others.

SoulofanAggron · 07/09/2020 22:55

This was yesterday! Go me I think I may win

@Tilly1313 I think a PP's ex skewering her dog won unfortunately.

Please stay away from that guy- well done for involving the police. x

2020nymph · 07/09/2020 23:42

@Tilly1313

He left me stranded 10 hours away from home in the arse end of nowhere. Oh and took my car and purse with all my cash (he had no money or job)

Two taxis, 8 hour train and lots of wine later I got home. After all my friends rallied round to pay for shit as I had no cards.

This was yesterday! Go me I think I may win

Police are involved now.

Oh and he stripped my house bare.

Well done for getting rid, he does not deserve you.

funinthesun19 · 07/09/2020 23:52

He called me “fucking thick” or something along those lines because I put a bottle of formula milk to cool down a bit in a jug?

He started getting aggressive with me because I wouldn’t pretend to be his mum on the phone to try and get him an upgrade on his phone that was under his mum’s name. He got so mad!

He told our 6 month old baby to fuck off because he was crying at 5am

Those 3 things were within in the same 6 months. Once we got to 10 years together he’d done gone from bad to much much worse. He became an alcoholic and physically abusive towards me. The last time he hurt me was when he nearly broke my neck by pinning me down in a weird position on the stairs.

Saltandvinegar86 · 08/09/2020 00:12

God this thread is bad. Unfortunately I didn’t realise at the time but in retrospect (four years later) there were enough signs:

-when a male friend text me (entirely innocently) when we’d only been dating a couple of months. I was in the shower. He picked my phone up and threw it against the wall smashing the screen, then blamed me

when on my period he said I was bloated, fat and needed to lose weight (I’m a size 10 and always have been)
when I didn’t want to have sex with him he would emotionally manipulate me and say I didn’t love him/ that it was the beginning of the end
when I started any kind of physical contact he would say I was a slag/they should bury me in a y shaped coffin
he regularly told me I was fat and ugly. If I got upset he would question ‘why do you think your Natalie Portman?’

-he controlled what I wore, refusing to go to brunch with me one weekend because I was wearing dress (maxi length sundress, it was 30 degrees) and people would think I was a whore

when we went out with my work colleagues and I spent 10 minutes talking to a male friend, he went crazy and made a public scene. Afterwards he blamed me, accusing me of groping the guy (married, and we were simply discussing a class we shared)

-when I was assaulted by a mugger on the street he refused to drive me to hospital or come with me, as he said people would think it was him whio’d smashed my face up. This resulted in me having to get a cab on my own in the middle of the night across town very shaken up with two black eyes and a split lip. The cabbie felt so bad for me he didn’t charge

The next day he said I hadn’t been mugged, that obviously what had happened was I’d come on to a hypothetical guy who had a girlfriend and she’d (apparently reasonably) beat the shit out of me. He said that he was going to tell everyone this is what had happened and anyone, it didn’t matter because all my friends and family knew I was a slut.
he nearly made me miss my sister’s wedding because he had too much work to do, and if I cared about him I would stay with him and not put pressure on him to ‘catch a fucking train’.

To put all this in to context, I was 25 when I met him. I’d only had one other relationship (my sixth form boyfriend, who I’d been with for years) I’d only slept with one other person. He, on the other hand, was 42, divorced, with two teenage kids. I went on to live with him for four years. Four years later I still get flashbacks and suffer from PTSD. I hate that I will never be the same person as I was before him. The only good thing is I got out, I will never see him again and I hope to God that I am way too strong to ever get involved with anyone like that again.

If he is reading this (highly unlikely) I hope he recognises himself and can see how horrific it looks in black and white.

OnceUponAMidnightBeery · 08/09/2020 00:46

@willowmelangell

When he gripped my lovely ddog by the neck and said "The time and attention you give your dog, you should give to me." He then stabbed my ddog with a 12", 2 pronged meat carving fork. I had ddog PTS the next day. That was the beginning of the end but I was still too scared of him. When I saw his engagement photos on FB, (he worked abroad) it gave me the hope I needed to organise leaving his house.

I am so, so very sorry for both you and especially your poor Ddog

I hope your ex’s cock is riddled with flesh eating maggots, his anus violated by a giant marrow, and his eyeballs swell until they pop like overripe grapes.

Is there any way you can warn his new victim? or give me his address

Wondersense · 08/09/2020 07:53

@Lifechanging9

I was seeing my ex for just over a year. There were a lot of problems and looking back now I'm not sure why I stayed for so long. I'm just glad we don't have children together and I was able to cut him out of my life completely.

He use to put me down a lot but the moment I saw his true colours was when he stayed at my house for a couple of days. He works shift patterns and so sometimes we wouldn't get to see each other properly. He stayed at my house for two days whilst I was still working. We would spend the evenings/night together but during the day he'd be by himself in my house whilst I was out at work. I'm a cleaner so due to the nature of the job I don't wear make up because I sweat, so it's pretty pointless.

One evening I didn't get home until late, around 7pm and he asked me if I wanted to go out for a meal to save cooking, nothing fancy just some pub grub or something. I said sure and that I'd just jump in the shower and sort my hair out and then we'd go. He then proceeded to ask me why I wasn't putting any make up on and I said because I didn't feel like it and because it was late and I didn't want to spend 30 mins faffing around with my face. Really didn't think it was an issue, I normally made an effort with my hair and make up when we spent time together but just didn't see the need to that night. He then said that "I needed make up" which of course I found quite hurtful. We ended up going for the meal and I just ignored the issue.

A few days later we got into an argument about something unrelated and I brought up the make up comment. I thought I'd give him a chance to rectify what he'd said and make things right, but instead he proceeded to tell me "how wrong it was that I'd not worn make up for the two days that he was there". I asked him why on earth he wanted to be with me if he didn't find me attractive and also explain that it wasn't a law that women must wear make up 24/7. From that moment I saw him in a completely different light and ended things. He tried to win me back but it didn't work. I just always thought to myself "what happens when/if we have kids and I don't get time to put make up on every day or if I put a bit of weight on or get ill and don't look perfect".

He's done much worse things now that I think about it but for some reason this one stuck, not sure why. It's not that I think I'm "pretty" or "gorgeous" but I'm content with myself and I feel he took that away from me and really knocked my confidence. It was only a couple of weeks prior to him making that comment that he said how much he loved me natural so his comments came as a shock.

It bothered you because you saw into your future, accurately I'd say. I would have said 'So why am I not allowed my own face but you're allowed yours?'.

Aerial2020 · 08/09/2020 09:22

I think it would have too many examples to write on here. I wrote pages as evidence for the police and court and he still got walked away smug. But that's another story.

A main one that sticks out was him trying to climb up my drain pipe to get into my house when I refused to let him in. When I opened the window to tell him to get off he got in through the window and started charging around drunk accusing me of other men being there. I had to call the police to get him out. This happened a few times. (I now have window locks) he often wouldn't leave my house and I couldn't move him.

I look back and think of all the horrendous things he did and how I kept quiet as I was so embarrassed and scared.

The breaking point was him stealing my front door key another time. I couldn't prove it but I knew it was him. He turned up with it and he had 'found it'.

Never again.

Aerial2020 · 08/09/2020 09:24

This was good few years ago now and when I look back I don't recognise who I was
Who I am toda matters.

The good thing is that apart from triggers with certain things (which will happen with past trauma), he is nothing and a nobody and almost like a bad dream.

One I have woken from and moved on plenty.

Cheeseycheeseycheesecheese · 08/09/2020 09:25

When his reponse was "oh my god my car" when I was taken ill at the wheel and rolled it. No worry about me sat in the back of the ambulance at all.

workhomesleeprepeat · 08/09/2020 09:32

My ex had definitely been an arse before this but what tipped me over the edge:

Found out my dad had a potentially terminal illness, was so upset, held it together for the day and after work called him and asked if he could come home that night after work instead of going for drinks because I really needed him. At this point we were at a rocky phase in the relationship and had promised to be more ‘open and communicative’. He came home, was pissed off because apparently there was some kind of special work drinks on that I wasn’t aware of (that he hasn’t told me about on the phone) - he then fell asleep, I cooked dinner, woke him when food was ready, he turned away from me to eat his food and then went back to sleep. All while I was sobbing about my dad dying. Fuckin arsehole

frozendaisy · 08/09/2020 11:56

@vampirethriller

I got home from work one evening and he told me, if the phone rings don't answer. Bit weird but I thought he was waiting for a call. Phone rings and he picked up, started talking about Oh yes, on the way home from work, totally heartbroken etc etc. He'd told all our friends I'd been killed in a road accident to see how much sympathy he'd get. When everyone was more upset that I was apparently dead he got angry and admitted that I was still alive. I left a couple of weeks later.

Oh my fucking god!

Heffalooomia · 08/09/2020 12:30

These are horrifying
and the stabbing of the dog, that was a warning that you were next
An ex of mine slashed my bicycle tyres, I can see now he was warming up for the main event:(

Redraptor · 08/09/2020 12:34

I love threads like this. I just dont know how some men think their behaviour is okay

My ex, (12yrs ago I was 19) I'd been with for 2 years left me for someone else. I was young and crazy in love with him even though there were lots of occasions he behaved appallingly towards me while together.

Anyway he kept me on a line after he left me. Making out he "needed" to give things ago with her but he was sure we'd be back together soon. He then got her pregnant and I remember him wishing the baby would die in her belly because he wanted to be free of her so he could get back with me. It was a real light bulb moment and I knew there was no way I'd ever want him back