Hubby Masturbating

[EllieToday]

So, this is going to sound so odd but, I woke up one evening to find my hubby was masturbating to porn right next to me whilst I was asleep... I was too shocked when I woke to confront him so I waited for him to finish and went to the bathroom (he realised I'd noticed) - he was ashamed and embarrassed but said it was because he didn't want to wake me and he apologized - we have wonderful sex and quite frequently so I didn't understand why he did this...advice would be greatly appreciated...

I do it all the time - not because I would choose to over my partner but because I have a much higher sex drive than him (unusual I know, he has been really poorly for a long time).

If he has a higher sex drive than you, he's just releasing, which is better than arguing about having sex more often.

I've spoken to him and we've figured out the issue - for everyone calling me insecure and need to 'work on myself', your highly disrespectful. But you said yourself you're insecure so are you "highly disrespectful" to yourself? 😂

I wouldn't worry about it. He can do what he wants and it doesn't reflect on you at all. Masturbation and porn can be an acceptable part of a relationship.

@josuk

You didn't understand my post and made an assumption about my knowledge of porn too. I use it, while you assume i haven't even seen it.

Of course i understand the role fantasy plays in masturbation, thanks

You missed the 'blatant' part in my sentence. By using porn right next to me, without asking my consent to be involved (by virtue of the sheer proximity), i would interpret as fucking disrespectful and rude as my feelings were not taken into account. By my partner.

@sofato5miles

Your post is quite clear on not wanting your partner to get off to the ‘thought’ of someone else. So - not sure why now you are saying you understand the role of fantasy.

As to the ‘blatant’ involvement of the sleeping person, and not taking into account the feeling of that sleeping person.... I just don’t even know what to say to that.
OP was asleep. Her H wanked next to her. OP wasn’t in any way involved or disrespected.
Given your post - it seems that even if he didn’t look at the screen but only imagined some sexual scenario with anyone else other than OP - it would have been not OK.
And this is the level of control over someone’s sexuality that is beyond reasonable in a relationship.

@josuk

You explained what porn is, when there was no need.

Moving when sleeping next to someone carries an inherent risk of waking them.

My exes and i have always wanked, but i do not wish to know what they think about, not for them to stop, but simply not to know. That is a level of involvement i do not want. An imagined fantasy next to me is fine. Just to clear up another assumption on what you think i feel and the imagined control you think i am imposing.

Them watching porn next to me, without checking with me, i find rude.

Anyone can think what they want, when they want, you moment you share it or make it visible you invite an opnion

OP, when I was a young medical student, (long, long ago, when dinosaurs roamed the earth, sigh!) DH would wake me up as often as six times a night for sex. I used to fall asleep in lectures.
Much as I enjoyed it, I wish I’d thought of suggesting he have a wank instead occasionally! Your DH sounds like he was just being considerate rather than disrespectful, especially as you say your sex life is still happy and active.
I think that’s very different to the grim marriages where the husband has a porn addiction and the poor wife never gets a shag at all.
And I think there is also a difference between a man like your DH, who is just using the porn as a wank aid, and abusive misogynist men who view violent and extreme porn because they hate women and want to see them suffering.
Maybe you just need a bit of work on your self esteem, and a chat with DH about when you’d prefer him to wake you, and what your views are on the acceptability or otherwise of porn. A bit of communication should easily sort it out.

@ThirteenRed

I've posted about this before under another name....I caught DH doing this years ago (pre children) I waited five mins then jumped up and shouted BOO! He hasn't done it again 😂 Well I haven't caught him doing it again

😂😂😂😂 made my night

It wouldn't bother me. Well it would these days as his libido is soooooo much lower than mine that I'd be thinking, you could have woken me up to join in, but in principle it wouldn't bother me at all. Most of us wank. In our relationship that doesn't have to be private. I have sorted myself out whilst he sleeps beside me many a time, better that than get yet another rejection.

Wanking fine. Porn no. Using porn is a deal breaker in my relationship. And it's not because I'm conservative it's because I'm a feminist.

This is one thing I couldn't deal with. If I wake up and Hubby is making any kind of movement to noise I convince myself he's having a wank. It makes me feel shite.
I don't blame you for being upset. Id rather be woken up too
I think if he's going to do it then do it alone somewhere. 🤮

I would not be impressed by a man who wanted me to leave the comfort of my bed and go wank in the bathroom.