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Original poster

Hubby Masturbating

137 replies

EllieToday · 30/08/2020 20:12

So, this is going to sound so odd but, I woke up one evening to find my hubby was masturbating to porn right next to me whilst I was asleep... I was too shocked when I woke to confront him so I waited for him to finish and went to the bathroom (he realised I'd noticed) - he was ashamed and embarrassed but said it was because he didn't want to wake me and he apologized - we have wonderful sex and quite frequently so I didn't understand why he did this...advice would be greatly appreciated...

OP posts:

Time2change2 · 30/08/2020 21:43

@newbie222 yes you have hit the nail on the head- it’s just disrespectful

Bereft2020 · 30/08/2020 21:46

I have honestly never considered that me masturbating beside my sleeping husband might be considered disrespectful 😕 I’m kind of upset by that actually. I just don’t see how it harms or affects him in any way.

nancyjuice7 · 30/08/2020 21:51

I would find this odd and also be upset if my DH did this.
He can wank all he wants just not in bed next to me when I'm asleep! The porn thing would annoy me aswell as I disagree with it and feel he'd watched it next to me in defiance.
Wanking is absolutely fine and is human nature but I do think it's something done in private.
Tell your DH to jump in the shower next time and stop being so gross

Cheeeeislifenow · 30/08/2020 21:53

I think it's involving someone in a sexual act without their consent as they are present in the moment and are not aware of it.
I can't really explain any other way why i think it's odd I wouldn't care about the porn or the wank, but I wouldn't want to be a part of that by being in his presence while he is doing it.

Wearywithteens · 30/08/2020 21:53

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Sootikinstew · 30/08/2020 21:58

@Bereft2020

Would you masturbate next to sleeping friend?

A relationship/marriage does not carry with it assumed consent unless you have discussed this with him previously and he doesn't mind.

Bereft2020 · 30/08/2020 22:02

So it’s akin to a sexual assault? Is that what you’re saying?

Chocolate1984 · 30/08/2020 22:04

It’s gross and disrespectful. He is making you part of a sexual activity without permission. If you wouldn’t be happy for him to watch porn and have a wank next to you on the sofa, why would it be ok just because you are asleep and can’t say no?

PaterPower · 30/08/2020 22:14

I can’t speak for other men, but if I wank at night it’s normally because I’m finding it difficult to go to sleep, and the release helps me to drop off.

It would be totally pointless to get up and do it in the shower as it would have the opposite effect - I’d end up awake for longer, plus I’d probably wake my DP up too. I know she doesn’t mind it, because she’s told me, and I know she’s masturbated before when I’ve been asleep.

To call wanking next to a partner sexual assault, unless he’s finishing on your back or something, is next-level pearl clutching.

Eckhart · 30/08/2020 22:15

A relationship/marriage does not carry with it assumed consent unless you have discussed this with him previously and he doesn't mind

Consent to what?

JKRisagryff · 30/08/2020 22:17

Eckhart I didn’t mean ‘while watching porn without my consent’, I meant ‘masturbating beside me while watching porn, and without my consent’

I really couldn’t care less what my DH does during his own private time, to me it’s none of my business. I wouldn’t like waking up to him watching porn beside me in bed and masturbating. It would feel a bit grim and like he was involving me in a sexual act that I hadn’t consented to.

DJattheendoftheworld · 30/08/2020 22:18

I'd be horrified about the porn. Not bothered about the wanking though.

Bereft2020 · 30/08/2020 22:19

I’m really not seeing how it’s involving him in anything. He’s fast asleep. I’m not touching him. I’m not disturbing him. He’s not aware of it.

If he was awake and forced to watch and listen then that’s different. He’s really not “part of the act” though.

Sootikinstew · 30/08/2020 22:27

@Bereft2020

So it’s akin to a sexual assault? Is that what you’re saying?

Only if what your saying is that you would consider masturbating next to a sleeping friend sexual assault.

Cheeeeislifenow · 30/08/2020 22:29

Would any of you do it next to a close friend?

VaggieMight · 30/08/2020 22:29

@JKRisagryff

Your comment was clear in what you meant about consent. The other poster chose highlight a part of your quote in a misleading way.

JKRisagryff · 30/08/2020 22:30

Bereft but the reason the OP is posting is that she was woken up by her husband wanking and watching porn beside her in bed. That’s fine if your DP wouldn’t have an issue with that, it’s fine if many posters on the thread wouldn’t have an issue with it. But we don’t get to decide what other people’s boundaries are, especially when it comes to sex. I’m as casual as they come about DH wanking, as far as I’m concerned it’s none of my business what he does in private. But I definitely would have a problem with this.

Original poster

EllieToday · 30/08/2020 22:32

This has got so out of hand, oh my...

I don't care about the wanking - it was him being next to me whilst thinking I was asleep. The porn bothered me because I felt as if I wasn't enough - that's pretty normal I'm gathering from other comments.

I've spoken to him and we've figured out the issue - for everyone calling me insecure and need to 'work on myself', your highly disrespectful.

Appreciate all the comments but not the nasty ones! Thanks for your help. X

OP posts:

JKRisagryff · 30/08/2020 22:33

Thanks Vaggie!

nancybotwinbloom · 30/08/2020 22:49

I wouldn't of been arsed if it was me and I would of gone back to sleep.

yourawizardharry22 · 30/08/2020 23:27

For the people saying it's ok I'm gonna smacked ! How disgusting is your husband laying right next to you bashing one out to porn 🤢 I hate porn and before the porn brigade has a go we have every right now to like it or like our husbands watching it . Porn is a deal breaker for me .

Couchbettato · 30/08/2020 23:49

I do it next to DH when he's asleep and he does when I'm asleep. Neither of us have woken the other up, but we do talk about sex in a healthy way.

So yes, in some houses it's very normal. Not every one is the same though.

MMmomDD · 31/08/2020 00:20

OP - you said your H’s wanking to porn made you feel ‘like you are not enough’.
This is typical insecurity some women have around porn.
Pointing this out is just a factual statement, and there is no disrespect in that.
Your H was just trying to fall asleep. Wanking helps with that. And porn in that case is just a quick visual aid.

You have a good sex life and nothing to worry about.

HowFastIsTooFast · 31/08/2020 00:28

It wouldn't bother me in the slightest, but that doesn't invalidate your feelings OP as everyone is different.

You need to tell him that it made you uncomfortable and why, assure him of what you are ok with, and ask that he respects that in future x

rachea · 31/08/2020 00:41

We have a deal that if my husband wants to do that, I would rather he hold my hip a bit and think of me, than get up and use porn in secret. But that's just us won't work for everyone

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