My husband said I'm shit stirring and have problems in my head for protecting our land

[Cyanjade1]

Hi, I posted in legal a short time ago. Basically a person had approached us saying they'll be driving over our land claiming to have a access route through our wall and over our land and that they were buying land next door..

Despite me telling him that he did not have any access over our land, He has been accessing through gates, driving diggers, dumpers over our land. Our solicitor confirmed he doesnt have any access over our land. We pegged our land (reluctantly my husband helped me) out but this man has just been breaking the fence posts and throwing them into the bushes. Threatening to smash our wall down and stop us maintaining our property if we stop him driving over our land. My husband was there at the time the man made these threats, but he turned around to the man saying well you're not asking for alot are you.

This is the part thats gets to me this most. My husband shouts at me telling me I've got problems in my head and I'm shit stirring by stopping him going over our land. Despite our solicitor telling us both that this man has no access rights. My husband will not help me put our fence posts back up and says he won't be helping with any costs to do so. He's also told this man, he's not got a problem with what he's doing, its my wife who's got a problem with it and that he is staying out of it.

I now feel like both my husband and this man are ganged up against me, for simply protecting whats on the title deeds. I pay at least 50% of mortgage and bills (sometimes 100%) but now don't have a say over the land/property I'm paying towards keeping.

Please tell me this isn't normal behaviour of my husband. I feel sick to my stomach, our child is hearing these arguments and I absolutely hate how it's upsetting her as well I've mentioned devorce to him, because he's making me out to be a monster for doing nothing wrong. He's quite happy to do so, but won't be paying anything for that either.

I have to get me and our child out of here don't I, surely this isn't normal is it. I feel so broken at this moment, struggling to understand my husband. Not sure who he is anymore.

I suspect your DH is frightened of the neighbour. He doesn't sound very nice.

I wouldn't mind a neighbour crossing my land if a) i actually had any! b) it wasn't causing any damage or leaving it insecure. However this guy is driving over your land with diggers etc.

YANBU but i can kind of see where your DH is coming from just letting this guy continue to avoid conflict. To be insulting to you about it is totally unacceptable though.

What is the problem with having your neighbour cross your land for access? As long as he does it considerately? Can't you talk to him and agree a route where he doesn't have to pull down fence posts etc?

Maybe he genuine doesn’t see a problem with allowing your neighbour access. But I could understand this more if your neighbour had nicely asked.

As he’s been damaging your fences and threatening you it’s unusual that your husband isn’t sticking up for you. I’d be really upset about that.

And like you I wouldn’t want my neighbour crossing my land in the first place. It’s not shit stirring at all.

Can you go back to the solicitor and get legal letters written saying action will be taken if he continues to trespass? And then take action, take him to court, etc. Sounds like he’s committed criminal damage as well so I’d get the police involved.

Does the awful neighbour anticipate ALWAYS using your land for access? You need to get this sorted.

I would get a letter from your solicitor and hand it to the man.
It's tough he has been very unpleasant so I would not allow him to damage my property. It's his problem if his has been his sold land.

Yes I think you do need to get out - I think first and foremost you have a husband problem

and you are not overreacting to the neighbour issue

Stick to your guns. Neighbour is a violent bully and a land-grabber. Some years down the line you can expect an adverse possession claim or something else - allowing him access will be the thin end of the edge. Go fully legal on it. Don't stand for this nonsense. I agree with other poster - husband is frightened.

wedge

YANBU.

Is this the case where the neighbour wants to knock down a 200 year old wall belonging to you, and build a gate for his own vehicle access?

Sorry to hear your husband is being such a wuss

Go to your solicitor, get him to send a cease and desist letter to the neighbour. Yes you will have to pay but it is necessary as the neighbour taking over use of your land will devalue your property.

Was this the 400 year old wall that he claims was in his deeds as an access route? Did you enquire about listing it? I would try to get higher authorities involved.

Ha ha xpost Mamette think I aged your wall OP!

Your husband needs to grow some balls.

Your hubby needs to grow a pair.
Is it OK if this man decides to have access by walking his muddy boots through your house every day, and is it OK if he decides that he has the right to take a dump in your toilet every day ? No doubt your hubby would say that’s fine.
Have you rung the police ?

Has your solicitor sent a letter outlining that he is trespassing ?

Driving a digger over OP land is going to wreck turf and drive way not too mention the damage he has already done to her property.

OP this is never going to go away. If you can’t face the battle through courts and police and leave. Your dh sounds spineless

Your husband should be on your side
If he can't be then is he really the right man for you?

We have an issue with a nasty little bully neighbour. It drives me crazy. I would like to just deal with it in a way which would end the debate and piss our neighbour off. However, my husband hates conflict and finds the whole thing immensely stressful. And so we continue to tiptoe around the whole issue because I love my dh more than I hate my neighbour. I agree with all those who say go down the legal route. Ultimately a lot more effective than putting up fences and have him smash them down and your husband need not get involved.

These sort of disputes can drive you completely crazy so you need to take a step back and leave it to the legal team. If you can get any sort of cctv nearby to where the neighbour is accessing the land, do that and you will have a full record for any legal proceedings. If it's in the middle of a field etc then just take photos on your phone each time you see it or each time he damages fencing etc, phone will keep time stamps for
the photos. BUT don't let the ridiculous behaviour of someone else destroy your marriage. If you want to maintain your relationship you MUST try and step away from this issue (by putting it into the hands of someone else - solicitor). Not everyone enjoys the fight, you are happy to battle, your husband isn't. That's not his fault. Decide what you value you more, your marriage or stopping your neighbour. You can have both but but not if you continue doing things the way you are. Good luck.

I would call the police and get the criminal damage on record, hopefully they will talk to the neighbour.

No way would I let him have access after how he has behaved.

Do you have any big bloke type friends or relatives who will back you up?

Your husband sounds like a coward and a pushover and he isn’t loyal to you either- not sure I could get past this either.

Your husband is either frightened of a conflict or genuinely doesn’t mind someone having access over your land. Either way he shouldn’t be shouting at you or saying you are shit stirring. He also should either show a united front with you or say nothing - not telling the neighbour it is only you that has the problem. The big coward.

It sounds like you will be dealing with it on your own though, I would be getting the solicitor letter done as next step.

I remember your thread op. I'm sorry that your husband is a spineless shit, id be raging.

Solicitors need to be involved and police. Doesn't your H realise that this could actually prevent you selling your house in the future?

Call the police.

Is dh being nasty to you out of fear op? Or is this just another occasion he doesn't respect your wishes?

If it's fear then you might need to give him some slack.

Is this more about the relationship or more about the trespassing for you, OP?

In terms of the trespassing, film him, and speak to the police. There's no point your solicitor telling you he's not allowed there if all you do is keep telling him to go away. He needs to feel that there will be consequences.

But you seem frustrated about you and your husband not being on the same page, which is potentially a longer-term and more harmful issue.