Diagnosed with cancer and find out dh is cheating all in one week

[Babyalmie1]

One week ago I was diagnosed with an aggressive cancer. I am waiting for confirmation of my pathway. My dh of 20 years acted very oddly when told - almost angrily - but I thought it was shock. Yesterday he casually started taking about going on his next business trip (for several weeks) as though nothing was happening. Today I checked his phone and there was a stream of messages between him and a woman overseas where he works including since my diagnosis. They were talking about how much they loved each other and discussing a 3 Hour conversation they had had last night. I haven’t confronted him yet. I dk what to do. We have 2 dh and I have to fight the hardest battle of my life and now no one has my back. I literally dk how to cope.

It must hurt like hell but think of him as the first cancer excised from your life. Sending you strength and the hope of brighter days.

Your STBexH is the biggest walking cliche ever. It's just so pathetic I think you will sail through him doing this. There's not going to be much in the way of feeling like you lost a good thing. I mean he could not have been more of a twat if he tried.

And you as a cancer (soon to be) survivor have the absolute moral high ground. Your friends will support you, and you will be able to tell everyone what he's done without anyone playing the bitter ex card.

He is going to lose absolutely everything and look like a complete cunt in front of your entire friends and family.

And soon enough this will be over. The cancer will have gone, you will have an amazing network and life and you will be happy, truly happy.

You'll meet someone great and things with this new girl won't last (haha she's not going to want to be a part time step mum)

And the kids won't accept her. Which means she's on the outside for the foreseeable future. He will probably come crawling back. Omg could he be any more predictable?

You don’t need him dragging you down. You are worth so much more than this loser. You’ve got all of us behind you. We’re all rooting for you.

Have you thought about writing a diary or a blog? I found that writing helped me in times of turmoil/trauma.

Oh a blog! Go on! He will be fucking mortified 😁😁

Sorry to hear about your cancer diagnosis. You do well to get rid, you don’t need anymore of his shit. He needs to be more original, he doesn’t very fun -just a bit of a prick

You OP are inspirational! Be very proud of yourself and are much better off without that shit of a 'husband'

Poor defenceless man. Obviously it is your fault he stuck his dick in someone else, obviously. It's not like we are sentient beings with the power over our choices and actions, oh no......

Hang on a sec!? You know OP, strange as it may sound, I don't think this is your fault after all!

Fucking hell. What a horrible louse.

So so sorry.

Who cares about him. It hurts now, but don’t be distracted from the battle ahead. Focus on your health. Surround yourself with people who care about you. You may be really surprised by who helps and who doesn’t and new friendships may emerge. This is a chance to clean out your life and shift priorities. This man was no good and now you know.

@Babyalmie1 I hope you are ok?

From the perspective of someone who was a young adult (at uni) when my dad did the exact same to my mum, I can honestly say that there is a strong chance your kids will be ok.

It will be horrible for a while, but as kids we found our way of coping by taking her to chemo, reading books to her for distraction, cleaning and cooking. While he pissed off and spent all their joint money on OW. If the kids want to help in practical ways, let them - it helped me to have a focus during that dark time. And chemo is hard, you will need practical help. You don't want that toxic prat loitering around trying to show the world what a decent person he is by staying to help!

Fast forward 15 years, mum is fine and dad is married to the OW. I get on ok with them, but a part of me died when I realized what sort of a person my dad really was, and that's his loss really.

It's no reflection on you that your STBX is a fucking waste of oxygen.

Yes I am holding things together. It has been very civil tbh. I quickly came to the conclusion that a) I need my energy for myself and the girls and not for fighting with him and b) he may be a piece of crap but I would rather the DCs had a good relationship with him especially if there are bad times ahead for me.
Treatment pathway will be discussed next week.
Personally I am taking one day at a time and counting my blessings - of which I have many, despite all of this crap

Sorry I should add I have started proceedings, not least to ensure any financial stuff is sorted on behalf of the DCs just in case.

Well done. You sound strong and determined.