Diagnosed with cancer and find out dh is cheating all in one week

[Babyalmie1]

One week ago I was diagnosed with an aggressive cancer. I am waiting for confirmation of my pathway. My dh of 20 years acted very oddly when told - almost angrily - but I thought it was shock. Yesterday he casually started taking about going on his next business trip (for several weeks) as though nothing was happening. Today I checked his phone and there was a stream of messages between him and a woman overseas where he works including since my diagnosis. They were talking about how much they loved each other and discussing a 3 Hour conversation they had had last night. I haven’t confronted him yet. I dk what to do. We have 2 dh and I have to fight the hardest battle of my life and now no one has my back. I literally dk how to cope.

We are all here for you.

I’m in Sussex and happy to help you with anything practical that you need.

You can do this.

If you’re under 35 look at an organisation called Shine.

www.macmillan.org.uk/get-involved/campaigns/get-support?gclsrc=aw.ds&&infinity=ict2~net~gaw~ar~326934559425~kw~macmillan%20cancer%20support~mt~e~cmp~G_PS_BA_UK_BND_PURE_EX~ag~Variations&gclid=Cj0KCQjw7ZL6BRCmARIsAH6XFDJUB__TeMFCLiXXBcyRNWK5sDiFtldDAXvZa3_kO5LaiEwbYRFkVwkaAnzQEALw_wcB

Babyalmie1 hope your ok

So we are 48 hours post the discussion. It appears to be my fault in some way - I guess for aging and not being 25 and “fun” because you know I have a job and look after the children etc etc. I have already instructed a solicitor. I am starting to move money around. My DC are devastated but I am fairly convinced I have got this. It sounds strange I know but I have friends that are coming through for me. I don’t feel as alone as I did in that horror of having just found out. I guess I will have good days and bad days. I just want to concentrate on getting better, supporting my DC and removing the emotional vampire from my life.

Why is it men always blame there wifes or DP when they have affairs. Ignore him - he made his choices.

Sounds like your doing all the right things.

You have a tough, emotional and physical journey ahead with your treatment...... glad you have support

You fucking rock

I hope your Dh gets cock rot, his girlfriend leaves him, he then decides to try auto erotic asphyxiation - mistimes this and dies while pissing himself.

He's a prick!

Well done, OP. Focus on your and the children.

*you

Karma will hit you dh big time. Hugs

I never understand how it's somebody else's fault when an affair happens. It's just not, it can't be, unless for some reason he doesn't have mental capacity.

I'm really glad your friends are coming through, it's probably the ones you least expected.

Tell everyone you can and build a ring of steel around you and your children for maximum support - we are with you

I'm so impressed by your strength! Your asshole soon to be ex is following the chump lady.com script! I'm a breast cancer survivor and I am sending you a virtual hug and love! (It's natural the children are devastated but with parents who love and care for them they'll be ok)

Babyalmie, I am rooting for you from far away. You are empowering yourself by being proactive, marshaling your blessings, and banishing your H. You are certainly not responsible for his infidelity. He could have dealt with any issues with integrity, but instead chose this unethical path. Kudos for blocking his toxicity. Your children will benefit from your strong boundaries and self-respect.

Sending you and your daughters much strength.

Well done @Babyalmie1 - glad to hear you've got good IRL support. In my experience, going through divorce is one of the most empowering things ever to happen to me. My husband blamed me for his (multiple) infidelity too. It won't be an easy road but you CAN do it. And do accept help and advice that is offered - it's not always easy to ask but people will want to be there for you

*that should have said ex-husband!

You sound like a very strong woman, a fantastic example for your DDs. I hope you have a good support network to lean on when you need to.

I'm a firm believer that life events, of which you are dealing with two of the biggest at once, tend to force us to focus and cut through the crap. You are 100% doing the right thing in terms of your 'D'H. His lack of taking any responsibility for what's he's done and breaking his vows shows you all you need do know. You'll need strength and a support crew who've got your back going forward, not hangers on like him. I think you are amazing.

What a lovely predictable response from a cheating man, “you aren’t fun”....wait until your side piece is picking up your socks, and arranging children’s drs appointments, see how much fun she is then- twat!
Well done OP for being so strong!

So sorry @Babyalmie1 unfortunately he's not the first or last man who throws the you aren't the same as when you were 25 reason at you. The timing is terrible but with good friends and taking the support available from charities you can do it. Speak to the dc's school(s) ASAP so they can provide pastoral care. Drs have so many options these days, have faith, and lying awake at 3am there's always Mumsnet for support. Take care

A cancer diagnosis is a terrible shock but don't despair. You will get past the early stunned/ terrified/headless -chicken stage and find your feet again. Medical advances mean it's not necessarily a death sentence.

Stop thinking about dying from cancer,and  focus on living with it.  That's  much easier to get your head round.

You can get a huge amount of free specialist support , advice and information from several charities; online, by phone, face to face. I particularly recommend Macmillan. They have a superb website and a forum for every imaginable type of cancer where patients chat and swap support.

Find out where the nearest Maggie's Centre is to your home; also great for free support, info, and therapies like relaxation, yoga, massage, and wonderful places to hang out. Family members welcome.

www.google.com/search?client=firefox-b-d&q=Maggies+centres

@Babyalmie1 good for you.

The last thing you need right now is a complicated, fake or duplicitous sort of relationship where he is resentful and you have to feel grateful he stayed! The analogy of playing the dutiful husband in front of the oncologist and then running off to whatsapp her is just so horrible. Who could endure that.

Fresh Slate.

Use your strength for what suits you right now.

@Babyalmie1 I'm really glad you found your anger because it will motivate the hell out of you. Unfortunately your situation is all too common. Men are 6 -- 7 times more likely than women to leave their spouses/partners when diagnosed with a serious or terminal illness, especially one such as cancer. It's so common that oncology nurses and doctors are trained on how to handle the situation and how to talk to the wives whose husbands don't come back to see them, etc. It's shit but it's common.

Get rid of him and change your will, ASAP. Don't pull any punches or spare him in the court of public of opinion within your friend and family circle. Let them all know so they can support you. Your children will heal and they will know to be wary from now on too. Alert the school too if you can.

You sound amazingly strong, all the best x

oh bless you! i am sending love to you and please tell your DH to fuck off from me!!!

You are amazing. I wish you every strength to get through this 💐

Bloody git. You’re better off without him. Thinking of you OP and raging on your behalf.