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Original poster

DH has never made me cum

114 replies

musicmama18 · 21/08/2020 19:02

Sorry to sound crude or upfront, but after reading an article in a mag recently a woman was basically saying what I am saying here, now..

I've been married for 5 years and together double the amount if time, my DH hasn't once made me finish. I do it myself, usually through masturbation..

What does this mean?!

I enjoy sex with him and he finishes each time. Sometimes, we will finish together by masturbation. But never once through sexual intercourse!

We've never really made it a main focus thought tbh, it has been mentioned but foreplay and then me masturbating myself is the way I do..

Anyone else share their experiences? Thoughts?

Thx x

OP posts:
MyOwnSummer · 21/08/2020 19:07

For many, PIV doesn't do it. Has he made any effort to learn how to get you off through oral, or other means? Would he be receptive to a conversation about it?

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 21/08/2020 19:09

Are you happy with this? If so, I think it’s fine

FabbyChix · 21/08/2020 19:10

Why did you marry someone who didn’t fulfil you sexually

Treacletoots · 21/08/2020 19:13

I guess it's OK if it's OK for you OP. But really, has he not tried to pleasure you with other methods? Is the problem here that he's lazy or just not very skilled?

Do you need to buy him a new book of techniques or does he think he knows best, but actually doesn't have a clue.

So many questions, only you can answer. Personally I wouldn't settle for this, and have dumped men for their lack of effort in the bedroom Grin

pointythings · 21/08/2020 19:16

PIV never does it for me, but every man I've been with has used other methods and been happy to do so. Does the idea not even occur to him?

Johnnybong · 21/08/2020 19:17

My friend was with her ex dp for 16 years. When they split she got with a guy who was able to make her cum just from the way he moved his body (so not even an issue of being good at oral) and she would cum multiple times with him each time. She had tried so many things and talked til blue 8
In the face with her ex. The problem wasn't her.. they just werent compatible.

Sometimes you just don't have that chemistry and talking about it is so unsexy in my view you just either get it or you don't. I dont mean slower a bit faster a bit do more of this (which even then is unsexy because an attentive lover would read your communication, and you would feedback positively .. like words shouldnt be necessary for a good sexual partner to get the hint) but if you have to repeatedly discuss it .. plan it... it becomes so lack lustre.

ChubbyPigeon · 21/08/2020 19:22

What do you mean what does this mean? It means your DH is shit in bed?

I personally dont understand how you can have sex with someone for 10 years and never cum. What is the point? I mean what have they been doing? Have they not noticed?

Yes the whole point of sex isnt orgasm, but equally its quite a major, obvious part of sex. I suppose if you are genuinly happy then theres nothing wrong with it, but I dont think Id be having much sex if I never finished

ChubbyPigeon · 21/08/2020 19:25

Im not just talking about PIV. PIV wont do it for everyone, but there are other parts to sex other than just PIV.

Johnnybong · 21/08/2020 19:31

I didn't think op meant just piv either i took it as in her partner in any way hasnt made her cum by himself piv oral or whatever.

User45 · 21/08/2020 19:43

Do you mean you finish yourself during intercourse? In which case I think that's fine and normal!

But if you mean you have to sort yourself out afterwards, alone, then yes I can see why that would be odd

Pesimistic · 21/08/2020 19:44

If you dont use lube during foreplay, I recommend it.

traveller11 · 21/08/2020 19:51

For about 6 months mine was the same. Then we had a chat about how I wanted more foreplay and now he always makes sure cum at least once before any PiV

UnaCorda · 21/08/2020 19:54

Yes, as ChubbyPigeon says, it means he's shit in bed. And by that I don't mean not having an amazing technique, I just mean he's lazy.

It's not that hard to make a woman orgasm, especially one you've had ten years to practise with. You just need a bit of imagination, a bit of patience and perseverence, and to be willing to defer your own orgasm for five or ten minutes.

It's much easier for a man to come, especially through PiV, but he's not much cop as a lover if he just goes straight for intercourse without making sure you're satisfied - that's just selfish.

Wondersense · 21/08/2020 19:54

Most women don't orgasm through vaginal penetration alone. If they do, it's because their clitoris is situated possibly a bit lower, closer to where his pelvis is touching or rubbing. Even then, just any rubbing is not enough for a lot of women. I think many feel bad about this and fake their orgasms as a result which gives men a completely skewed idea of what's normal or not.

SoulofanAggron · 21/08/2020 20:01

I think rather than masturbate yourself to finish every time, if he were to finger you in whichever way you like, or use a toy on you (magic wand toys are very reliable www.lovehoney.co.uk/sex-toys/vibrators/magic-wand-vibrators/) or oral if you like that, then it would feel a bit more like he was doing something and be more impressive, as then he would have partly led to your orgasm.

If I had to finish myself off after sex each time, I wouldn't be that impressed with my partner.

Dingdong99 · 21/08/2020 20:02

What about with previous partners, has that been more successful?

Pebblexox · 21/08/2020 20:06

Did it bother you before you read the article? Personally I don't climax everytime, maybe 1 out of 10 if that. It doesn't bother me though, I enjoy sex without needing the big finale.

Pebblexox · 21/08/2020 20:07

I will also add my dh isn't lazy, but we currently have a 19 month old who is either with us most of time or gets in our bed within 20 minutes of bed time. So we're on a time crunch haha.

Immigrantsong · 21/08/2020 20:09

What position do you normally dtd?

Woman on top is usually the best, as it allows you to have more control.

Also try to have a full or near full bladder and do loads and loads of foreplay beforehand.

And keep practicing.

AnneLovesGilbert · 21/08/2020 20:12

Wouldn’t do it for me but you’ve been with him a decade and chose to marry him so unless you have no previous experience and thought this was how most people do it I’d crack on.

Cauterize · 21/08/2020 20:16

what about oral sex? I would say the majority of women can't orgasm just through penetration alone - can he touch you or you touch yourself during intercourse?

If non of that works then that's a real shame, for me, DH being able to give me an orgasm is very important!

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 21/08/2020 20:40

If you’re happy with it, then there’s no issue at all. Are you someone who is unable to let someone else take the control of your orgasm? Have you always been unable to have it “given” to you?

Original poster
musicmama18 · 21/08/2020 20:41

Thanks for your responses so far.. he is my first and only sexual partner.

Also he has made me finish via oral but quite a few years ago now, things have changed since we had our son (2 year old)

And hubby witnessed the birth/head protruding etc., a very intense and quick birth.. I think he’s a bit weirded out by my vagina now.. :/

I will have a chat with him and get on top more ;)

I’ve never used a toy, will get one!

I’m interested in what you would consider sexually compatible..? Chemistry? That does surely change after many years and a baby together

X

OP posts:
CrazyToast · 21/08/2020 20:45

Masturbating yourself during is normal and many women do this to make sure they get off.

He should be able to make it happen with oral or fingers though.

Sandii · 21/08/2020 20:58

If you want more ask for more . If you are happy and just comparing yourself to what you read ...then stop reading ! This is YOUR life and you have a young child . Don’t put yourself under pressure to be anything you’re not.