Prostitutes

[allgoodinthehood]

Can I please have an honest opinion on what you really think of people who use prostitution.
I was talking to a friend about it and we had completely different ideas on this subject.
ie a man using a prostitute when he was in a relationship and was away on holiday.

@IcedPurple he probably is a bit naive yes! And undoubtedly family men use prostitutes. But I think he meant demographics count and it's not one in every three men! More like three in three men somewhere and 0 in 3 in other walks of life. I have to hope he's right as I couldn't live wondering which ones are secret sleazes.

[quote QuentinInQuarantino]@IcedPurple he probably is a bit naive yes! And undoubtedly family men use prostitutes. But I think he meant demographics count and it's not one in every three men! More like three in three men somewhere and 0 in 3 in other walks of life. I have to hope he's right as I couldn't live wondering which ones are secret sleazes.[/quote]
But we all live among 'secret sleazes' without knowing it. Do you really think 'sleazy' men all look like the old guy in the raincoat flashing at teenage girls in the park? Of course not. Very often they're outwardly respectable 'family men'. Just because Jose Manuel is a 'nice' guy who picks up his children from school every day doesn't mean he doesn't have deep seated issues with women.

if it is true that 1 out of every 3 Spanish men has sex with prostitutes, then it's highly likely that some of the 'lovely' family men you know are going to be in that number.

@IcedPurple yes I know. That's what I was saying. Is my English worse than I thought?!

I judge a person for being unfaithful. As for prostitution, you have no idea whether or not the woman is being controlled or forced in some other way to be in the 'oldest profession'.

A man may be nice to some women and royally change with sex workers, they have little to no respect for them so this is why.

Prostitution is older than us all, there are a million different things to google on the subject yet there are still men out there that think the women ‘just love sex’, a part of me struggles to believe that they believe this because everyone else seems to know the score, why don’t they?

The whole reason for paying for sex is to avoid treating the person being paid as a proper human being.

To be able to try things or do things their partner doesn't like or says no to. To avoid having to treat them as a person and with care, essentially.

It's been so normalised as well and that bothers me.

When I was young men who paid for sex never talked about it, it was seen socially as an exploitative and pathetic thing to do. The men knew it was 'wrong'.

Now we have articles in mainstream media about women making loads of money, almost exploitating the men, it's not unusual on stags, and again in the media we get all this stuff about poor men who can't get a partner another way, especially men with disabilities. Amnesty Ireland positioned sex with another person as a human right. And certain types of feminist are all 'sex work is work'.

I have had a man I knew tell me when he was pissed that he had paid for sex. He explained that it was the only way he could get it due to a condition (which I had never noticed and was pretty trivial). He told me... Why? I think he wanted sympathy and absolution. I gave him neither. He's married with kids now.

I think the reason so many women are against prostitution is totally misunderstood by many men as they are utterly unable to see outside their own viewpoint. They assume, always, that women view prostitutes as a threat, and look down on and despise the women.

The truth is, for me at least, that as a woman who knows what men can be like, I can well imagine how it goes. With a big helping of 'there but for the grace of God go i'.

'yet there are still men out there that think the women ‘just love sex’

No they don't really think that.

They say it to make themselves feel better.

I mean it doesn't stand up to scrutiny.

Loads of women love sex. They choose who to have sex with. Men they fancy and who are compatible in bed.

It's a male perspective isn't it? Their sexual needs are a bit more easily met. Any holes a goal and all that.

Most women can't come from wham bam thank you ma'am. Let alone with random men. Who want what they want and are paying.

I mean it's just bollocks.

I'd never go near anyone who I knew used a prostitute. It's too seedy. I would be ok with someone who slept around if they were single and as long as they weren't a sleeze.

And certain types of feminist are all 'sex work is work'.

I imagine a Venn diagram would show a significant overlap with these 'feminists' and whose who believe TWAW and that stripping is 'empowering' because it's a 'choice'.

Wouldn't bother me, all consenting adults and all that. As long as they were single of course.

@Saucy99

Wouldn't bother me, all consenting adults and all that. As long as they were single of course.

How do you know for sure that the prostitute is 'consenting'? Or even, in some cases, legally an adult?

Saucy you don't think people selling sex should have partners?

Blimey.

@icedpurple Well if someone says yes, they are consenting.

[quote Saucy99]@icedpurple Well if someone says yes, they are consenting.[/quote]
I'm genuinely unsure if you're just winding us up. I hope you are.

Hmm.

I'll hurt you if you don't say yes.

Yes.

Have you thought this through?

@Sassysusan92

It was my sister! She had a 10 year, decorated military career. When she left the Navy, she wanted to go back to uni to study to be a nurse. She needed money for rent, books, uni fees... she became a part time escort to fund this. She did it for as long as she needed to. She is now a registered theatre nurse who volunteers doing free heath checks on sex workers. She even started a programme to help them get through any struggles. My sister always said “you need to own the job or it will own you.” She did it for a reason. It serves it’s purpose. Sex work is one of the oldest industries. I certainly don’t feel any pity or shame towards her at all.

[quote AnytimeIsWineTime]@Sassysusan92

It was my sister! She had a 10 year, decorated military career. When she left the Navy, she wanted to go back to uni to study to be a nurse. She needed money for rent, books, uni fees... she became a part time escort to fund this. She did it for as long as she needed to. She is now a registered theatre nurse who volunteers doing free heath checks on sex workers. She even started a programme to help them get through any struggles. My sister always said “you need to own the job or it will own you.” She did it for a reason. It serves it’s purpose. Sex work is one of the oldest industries. I certainly don’t feel any pity or shame towards her at all.[/quote]
The fact that your sister had to start "a programme to help them get through any struggles" shows that this is an extremely damaging way to earn a living.

And as for the 'oldest profession' cliche, well, we've always had hit men too. Doesn't make it OK. All it shows is that men have always been willing to exploit women, and there have always been some women desperate enough to have no other choice.

@IcedPurple she helps them to work out their finances and yes, SOME of the girls are certainly mentally scarred. Some are addicts and some cannot get through the job without drugs, alcohol or both but there are so many that look at it as just a job. The ones who need looking after are the poor girls on the street or those with pimps. It’s not all dirty back alley stuff. My sister worked at a high end establishment. She used to go on dates that didn’t always end with between the sheets!

Hearing people be so horrible about a sex worker because of what they do really grinds me to be honest. If someone was to go out and have multiple one night stands, whatever, they are young and living their life but, if they get paid for it, they are the scum of the earth!
Saddest thing is, we are judging people we know NOTHING about.
My sister has medals from serving her country and now comforts people when they are at their most vulnerable....what a terrible human being she must be right?
Uhhh, as far as men manipulating women... there are plenty of male escorts also.
People just have a pre conceived opinion of sex workers. It’s wrong. It stinks of (date I say it) ‘systemic prejudice’

Who is being horrible about sex workers apart from op?

Vast majority of posters are judging the men who pay for sex, whether with women or men.

And certain types of feminist are all 'sex work is work'.

And this is where 'slogan feminism' falls down. It's actually nuanced. I think men who use sex workers are scumbags who are at the very least unconcerned about being rapists (because many women are controlled). I think sex workers themselves are sometimes controlled, therefore absolutely the subject of my empathy. Most I've met are survivors of abuse in childhood and therefore I feel angry they were failed.

I never feel any less than fellow feeling. I don't judge, hate or mock them.

Liberal feminists assume because I don't care to listen to punters or pimps, that I am sex-worker exclusionary. It's stupid and ignorant.

But you have said that throughout.

'I never said they love sex so much. But then again, neither do cleaners love dirty toilets. When someone makes a choice to do a job in order to get paid, then paying them is what makes it consensual.

Otherwise all work would be slavery.'

So what you seem to believe is that in the one hand, sex work is like any other work. But at the same time, it's immoral because it's wrong to sleep around. But if it's work, then it's got nothing to do with sleeping around.

And the price makes no difference. A million pounds to Adele is £20 to a woman with no food for her children or a drug addict.

If your children were starving and a man offered you £200 for sex. What do you do? Is it true consent? Do you say no and let your kids go hungry? On moral grounds?