Anyone else find that trying to divorce an abusive husband is hard HARD work!

[Fightingback16]

I’m getting absolutely fed up with it all now. I just want to be free of this bastard but he is clinging on, dragging it on and on. It’s not bloody fair that the legal system allows them to do this. I’m fuming and I’ve wasted so much money. He’s happy for us both to completely waste everything we have spend years saving!

[Fightingback16]

Today I’m just so fuming. I went back this morning as I need some furniture so took an ottoman my mum bought me. The house is a shit hole. It was renovated by me and my dad. I did all the painting and wallpapering. My family paid for all the carpets and we did a new kitchen 4 years ago. It looked absolutely shit, wallpaper coming off the walls, grub and dirt and mould everywhere. All my hard work a waste of time and all the money I spent down the drain.

Can I mention in court just how he is trashing the house? I have before and after photos.

[Shouldbedoing]

Definitely. He is devaluing a joint asset.

[Fightingback16]

People have said to me it’s normal that men go like this after the wife leaves...Really! The bathroom tiles are brown and furry and it stinks and the bed hasn’t been changed in over a year, the weeds on the front drive are over a meter high.... is this normal?

I went today and found pages of notes of weird shit he is writing about not having an identity and how to basically try and be a human... he was odd before but it’s getting worse!

[Fightingback16]

Ok so redirecting the thread. I now have his Form E, less then half completed. Absolutely useless in helping us come to any settlement. He has even worked out his half of the equity completely leaving out the mortgage, missed bank accounts and many other things but most importantly I mention of the money in the safe or my jewellery!!! This is going to be fun!

[Fightingback16]

That was meant to say resurrecting the thread!

[Vodkacranberryplease]

Well what did you expect? He's not going to do his form E. ever. Because he knows what will happen.

[Vodkacranberryplease]

He's buying time to move liquid assets out, to cash up illiquid assets, and to take on any debt he can in your name. He is a criminal and is behaving like one.

Meanwhile you are a nice English girl who is bewildered someone can do this. He can, he will, and you have to get a whole new plan if you want a penny,

[stoploss]

Unfortunately he knows nothing will happen.

My former husband didn't complete his Form E for nearly 4 years, then it was incomplete. He was threatend with various punishments from various judges during the 4 years but they never followed through therefore allowing him to spend/hide an awful lot of money.

The court knew exactly what he was doing, told him what they thought of him when he graced them with his presence, but didn't do a thing about it.

[Vodkacranberryplease]

There you go. First hand from steploss. I suggest you use the 'courts will do nothing' to your advantage. Gain entry to the house and change the locks. Forge his signature and get him off the mortgage and deeds. Sell the house. Go in and take all of his designer stuff to sell - he can't prove anything since he never had the money. Get a SH Rottweiler to freeze accounts.

Either that or decide you are ok with getting zero. Because that's what you will get.

Just act like you are dealing with a hardened criminal and stop thinking the courts and law will protect you or that there's someone to tell. You are not at school or work now. There's no HR dept or headmaster. There's just whatever the fuck he wants to do with 4 years to do it in.

[Vodkacranberryplease]

www.stowefamilylaw.co.uk/blog/2016/12/15/how-do-i-stop-my-ex-from-disposing-of-property-to-defeat-my-claim/

www.wiselaw.co.uk/finances-settlements/spending-money-before-divorce-financial-settlement/

smab.co.uk/what-to-do-if-you-suspect-your-spouse-has-hidden-assets/

www.sultanlloyd.com/Blog/Hiding-assets-in-divorce-proceedings.html

Guessing you feel you can't afford a proper solicitor? Sell some of his stuff on eBay because you NEED one. Now. Not whatever weak rag you have that isn't applying for a search order or and order under section 37.

[Fightingback16]

I do have a good solicitor but I can’t afford to use her too much. She has told me to go through the Form E and work our my questions. It’s just pointless because most things are missing.

[Fightingback16]

Now I feel like I’ve made a mistake going to court. He offered me a deal early on, 50:50 on the house and he kept all the pension and savings making it really over all 30/70 to him and I said no. I couldn’t house me and my daughter with that money and it was so unfair. He should not be allowed to continue his financial abuse..f***g world.

[Vodkacranberryplease]

She's not good if she doesn't know what he's doing. You have proof and she should be filing to stop him from abusing the court process. Go and get stuff to sell.

Going and picking up one ottoman that has only sentimental value isn't working.

So you have to either - acknowledge you are too scared of him to do anything about this and accept he will take everything or do something. If you read those links you will see this is a common situation, you have proof too. He has a criminal record.

The longer you dither the worse this gets. Check online you may be able to file these papers yourself. But if he has a solicitor you will not win that motion, I can 100% tell you that.

[Vodkacranberryplease]

'He should not be able to' the most dangerous words women will ever internalise.

NO HE SHOULDNT. BUT HE WILL AND CAN.

Forget about the morals and how unfair it is. That is just another way to keep you in control, you believing that what he should or shouldn't be able to do matters. It doesn't. No one cares.

I had a legal situation recently that should have been straightforward but the other side was a solicitor- so even though it was small claims court (no solicitors in theory, or costs) he won. It was pure spite on his part. Had I got my own solicitor on that call I wouldn't have lost, and would not have had to continue this process or had to pay £400 costs (he went got more). Even though i was in the right. is life fair? No it's fucking not.

[Fightingback16]

l don’t understand how he has used the same estate agents as me for 2 of the valuations and they are way WAY higher than mine. Higher then a house twice the Size of ours would be. How did he get them to value it so high?

[nosswith]

I like the change the locks idea.

As for the estate agents, if they are overvaluing, do you suspect bribery? The average agent I have ever dealt with would need a change of underwear if they thought they were going to be accused of such.

[Vodkacranberryplease]

@Fightingback16

l don’t understand how he has used the same estate agents as me for 2 of the valuations and they are way WAY higher than mine. Higher then a house twice the Size of ours would be. How did he get them to value it so high?

I suggest you talk to the owner and say you may need to report them. Explain you are in the middle of a divorce and stress that you solicitor will be going through documents with a fine tooth comb. If they retract that valuation get them to give you a copy of the retraction.

Have you just had one valuation? Wouldn't you get three?

There is also the possibility of applying to live in the house based on a) his neglect and b) you having children.

But first get in and get the valuables because he will strip it bare including appliances. Take photos too.

[Vodkacranberryplease]

If he is not living in the house full time or goes away get in and change the locks on the basis that you 'lost the keys' and apply for a non molestation order. It sounds like he's not really living there if it's such a pigsty.

[Fightingback16]

I got 3 valuations, all the same valuation and has got 2 valuations at around £70,000 more than mine which is a lot on a house around £200,000. No house on the street ever, even the detached ones sold for what they have valued. He is living there for about 4 or 5 days I think. If I do something like change the locks then I bet I will get in trouble for doing something illegal as we jointly own the house.

[Vodkacranberryplease]

You won't get in trouble if you have a good reason for doing it. Who's going to sue you anyway? Do you think the police will? Why don't you check out the 'how' rather than just admitting defeat? At least if you are going to admit defeat do it properly, accept you will get nothing and walk away. At least you will have a kind of peace.

Or go and have a free half hour with 2 or 3 other solicitors, lay out your case and ask what they can do, how much it will cost, and how long it will take.

There was a lady on here who changed the locks and then told her solicitor (obviously made up an excuse). The solicitor will advise you not to buy if it's too late it's too late.

And if he's only there 5 days why the fuck aren't you in there taking half? It's yours too!

[Fightingback16]

I didn’t want to loose the moral high ground for the court. Obviously when I left I was terrified of him and confused and I have had assessments for domestic abuse. I can’t say I’m scared and then go and do stupid things...although like you said no one gives a shit about the abuse really. All social services and domestic abuse charities care about is that you are out. I’m out so the support stops, but it doesn’t stop him.

[Fightingback16]

I’ve been out well over a year now so it will
look exactly how it is and that I got fed up so took it into my own hands.

[Fightingback16]

I bet the court system gets fed up of hearing domestic disputes!

[PicsInRed]

I just changed the locks and didn't tell anyone.

If he tried to gain entry not that I'd know he'd have proved my point, wouldn't he? So he never said anything of course, and I slept easier. 😂

[Fightingback16]

I think if it was just me I would move back and make his life shit by moving in a man but I can’t put my daughter through that, he can’t have access to her.